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political yet entertaining?

 
 
Reply Wed 3 May, 2006 09:31 pm
I've read this before but don't think i posted it here?

_______________________________

Subject: Anthropology and History Lesson

For centuries, humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.


The two most important events in all of history were the invention
of the wheel, and the invention of beer. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.


Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.


Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."


Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.


Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide how to redistribute the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in later, after the Wild West was tamed, and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.


Here ends today's lesson in world history and anthropology:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it.

A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 2,272 • Replies: 31
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jatuab
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 May, 2006 10:47 pm
@Drnaline,
haha...who shouldn't be convinced that it's the absoulte truth? i see nothing wrong with it
tumbleweed cv
 
  1  
Reply Sat 6 May, 2006 03:19 am
@jatuab,
This history lesson explains why conservatives are extinct.Very Happy
0 Replies
 
Drnaline
 
  1  
Reply Sat 6 May, 2006 03:44 pm
@Drnaline,
Extinct how? We have the biggest guns. And were not afraid to use them. My plate is always full whether i buy the meat or kill it myself. I find it hard to go extinct if you have the resources and know how to use them?
tumbleweed cv
 
  1  
Reply Sat 6 May, 2006 04:16 pm
@Drnaline,
I'm not aware of any true conservatives.:dunno:
0 Replies
 
Drnaline
 
  1  
Reply Sat 6 May, 2006 05:08 pm
@Drnaline,
Can't see the forest through the trees? With that i guess i can say i've never met a true liberal?
tumbleweed cv
 
  1  
Reply Sat 6 May, 2006 06:02 pm
@Drnaline,
I call em like I see em. Name me a few true conservatives.Very Happy
jatuab
 
  1  
Reply Sat 6 May, 2006 06:48 pm
@tumbleweed cv,
tumbleweed wrote:
I call em like I see em. Name me a few true conservatives.Very Happy

True conservatives as in totally free markets and totally strict government involvement in lives? That's not a true conservative anyway if that's what you mean. What's your definition?
tumbleweed cv
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 May, 2006 07:17 am
@jatuab,
Totally conservative.
Not liberal-conservative.

The "Shrub" ran as a conservative. That didn't happen. He's famous for raising the debt level.

I was under the impression conservatives weren't big spenders. Sounds like a lot of wolves in sheeps clothing. They just have different entitlement programs.

Do we give money to the rich or the poor?
Drnaline
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 May, 2006 10:06 am
@tumbleweed cv,
tumbleweed wrote:
I call em like I see em. Name me a few true conservatives.Very Happy
Define "true conservative"?
0 Replies
 
Drnaline
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 May, 2006 10:34 am
@tumbleweed cv,
tumbleweed wrote:
Totally conservative.
Not liberal-conservative.

The "Shrub" ran as a conservative. That didn't happen. He's famous for raising the debt level.

I was under the impression conservatives weren't big spenders. Sounds like a lot of wolves in sheeps clothing. They just have different entitlement programs.

Do we give money to the rich or the poor?

Quote:
The "Shrub" ran as a conservative.

I'm pretty sure he ran as a Republican? Maybe a conservative repug, kinda like Kerry ran as a Liberal Democrat!
Quote:
That didn't happen. He's famous for raising the debt level.

You get a little angry when some else spends some ones elses cash except democraps?
Quote:
I was under the impression conservatives weren't big spenders.

Why not, we are the richest are't we? Free enterprise and all. Liberals are all about redistribution of what? Some one else's wealth. They prove very adept at shuffleing there own.
Quote:
Sounds like a lot of wolves in sheeps clothing.
Not wolves, sheep dogs. We protect you from the wolves. A short story will follow this post. I've posted it here before.
Quote:
They just have different entitlement programs.

Again, sounds like you think demos are the only one allowed?
Quote:
Do we give money to the rich or the poor?

We give on how we see fit.

__________________________

On Sheep, Sheepdogs, and Wolves
By Dave Grossman

One Vietnam veteran, an old retired colonel, once said this to me: "Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident." This is true. Remember, the murder rate is six per 100,000 per year, and the aggravated assault rate is four per 1,000 per year. What this means is that the vast majority of Americans are not inclined to hurt one another.

Some estimates say that two million Americans are victims of violent crimes every year, a tragic, staggering number, perhaps an all-time record rate of violent crime. But there are almost 300 million Americans, which means that the odds of being a victim of violent crime is considerably less than one in a hundred on any given year. Furthermore, since many violent crimes are committed by repeat offenders, the actual number of violent citizens is considerably less than two million.

Thus there is a paradox, and we must grasp both ends of the situation: We may well be in the most violent times in history, but violence is still remarkably rare. This is because most citizens are kind, decent people who are not capable of hurting each other, except by accident or under extreme provocation. They are sheep.

I mean nothing negative by calling them sheep. To me it is like the pretty, blue robin's egg. Inside it is soft and gooey but someday it will grow into something wonderful. But the egg cannot survive without its hard blue shell. Police officers, soldiers, and other warriors are like that shell, and someday the civilization they protect will grow into something wonderful. For now, though, they need warriors to protect them from the predators.

"Then there are the wolves," the old war veteran said, "and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy." Do you believe there are wolves out there that will feed on the flock without mercy? You better believe it. There are evil men in this world and they are capable of evil deeds. The moment you forget that or pretend it is not so, you become a sheep. There is no safety in denial.

"Then there are sheepdogs," he went on, "and I'm a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf."...

If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen, a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath, a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? What do you have then? A sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero's path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed.

Let me expand on this old soldier's excellent model of the sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs. We know that the sheep live in denial, which is what makes them sheep. They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids' schools.

But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid's school. Our children are thousands of times more likely to be killed or seriously injured by school violence than fire, but the sheep's only response to the possibility of violence is denial. The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their child is just too hard, and so they chose the path of denial.

The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheepdog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed. The world cannot work any other way, at least not in a representative democracy or a republic such as ours.

Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep. He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land. They would prefer that he didn't tell them where to go, or give them traffic tickets, or stand at the ready in our airports in camouflage fatigues holding an M-16. The sheep would much rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go, "Baa."

Until the wolf shows up! Then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog.

The students, the victims, at Columbine High School were big, tough high school students, and under ordinary circumstances they would not have had the time of day for a police officer. They were not bad kids; they just had nothing to say to a cop. When the school was under attack, however, and SWAT teams were clearing the rooms and hallways, the officers had to physically peel those clinging, sobbing kids off of them. This is how the little lambs feel about their sheepdog when the wolf is at the door.

Look at what happened after September 11, 2001 when the wolf pounded hard on the door. Remember how America, more than ever before, felt differently about their law enforcement officers and military personnel? Remember how many times you heard the word hero?

Understand that there is nothing morally superior about being a sheepdog; it is just what you choose to be. Also understand that a sheepdog is a funny critter: He is always sniffing around out on the perimeter, checking the breeze, barking at things that go bump in the night, and yearning for a righteous battle. That is, the young sheepdogs yearn for a righteous battle. The old sheepdogs are a little older and wiser, but they move to the sound of the guns when needed right along with the young ones.

Here is how the sheep and the sheepdog think differently. The sheep pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day. After the attacks on September 11, 2001, most of the sheep, that is, most citizens in America said, "Thank God I wasn't on one of those planes." The sheepdogs, the warriors, said, "Dear God, I wish I could have been on one of those planes. Maybe I could have made a difference." When you are truly transformed into a warrior and have truly invested yourself into warriorhood, you want to be there. You want to be able to make a difference.

There is nothing morally superior about the sheepdog, the warrior, but he does have one real advantage. Only one. And that is that he is able to survive and thrive in an environment that destroys 98 percent of the population.

There was research conducted a few years ago with individuals convicted of violent crimes. These cons were in prison for serious, predatory crimes of violence: assaults, murders and killing law enforcement officers. The vast majority said that they specifically targeted victims by body language: slumped walk, passive behavior and lack of awareness. They chose their victims like big cats do in Africa, when they select one out of the herd that is least able to protect itself.

Some people may be destined to be sheep and others might be genetically primed to be wolves or sheepdogs. But I believe that most people can choose which one they want to be, and I'm proud to say that more and more Americans are choosing to become sheepdogs.

Seven months after the attack on September 11, 2001, Todd Beamer was honored in his hometown of Cranbury, New Jersey. Todd, as you recall, was the man on Flight 93 over Pennsylvania who called on his cell phone to alert an operator from United Airlines about the hijacking. When he learned of the other three passenger planes that had been used as weapons, Todd dropped his phone and uttered the words, "Let's roll," which authorities believe was a signal to the other passengers to confront the terrorist hijackers. In one hour, a transformation occurred among the passengers - athletes, business people and parents. -- From sheep to sheepdogs and together they fought the wolves, ultimately saving an unknown number of lives on the ground.

Here is the point I like to emphasize; especially to the thousands of police officers and soldiers I speak to each year. In nature the sheep, real sheep, are born as sheep. Sheepdogs are born that way, and so are wolves. They didn't have a choice. But you are not a critter. As a human being, you can be whatever you want to be.
tumbleweed cv
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 May, 2006 11:22 am
@Drnaline,
Drnaline

You made my point for me. Very Happy

The republicans preach from a conservative platform,yet they practice liberal policy. It might not work for the next election. The American public is catching on real fast to the republican smokescreen. If we wanted liberals in office, we would have elected them. What we got were liberals who claimed to be conservative.:wtf:

November will be a good time to rid the country of the RINOs. :439:

I thought republicans were conservative? At least Kerry didn't decieve anyone. He ran as a liberal,which everyone knew he would be. Not everyone realized Bush was a liberal also.
jatuab
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 May, 2006 11:57 am
@tumbleweed cv,
tumbleweed wrote:
Drnaline

You made my point for me. Very Happy

The republicans preach from a conservative platform,yet they practice liberal policy. It might not work for the next election. The American public is catching on real fast to the republican smokescreen. If we wanted liberals in office, we would have elected them. What we got were liberals who claimed to be conservative.:wtf:

November will be a good time to rid the country of the RINOs. :439:

I thought republicans were conservative? At least Kerry didn't decieve anyone. He ran as a liberal,which everyone knew he would be. Not everyone realized Bush was a liberal also.

Bush was placed on the Republican ticket as the moderate candidate. Cheney was placed to balance the ticket. The country portrayed him as conservative because "every Republican is conservative".
tumbleweed cv
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 May, 2006 03:31 pm
@jatuab,
Right.Very Happy
0 Replies
 
Drnaline
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 May, 2006 07:36 pm
@tumbleweed cv,
tumbleweed wrote:
Drnaline

You made my point for me. Very Happy

The republicans preach from a conservative platform,yet they practice liberal policy. It might not work for the next election. The American public is catching on real fast to the republican smokescreen. If we wanted liberals in office, we would have elected them. What we got were liberals who claimed to be conservative.:wtf:

November will be a good time to rid the country of the RINOs. :439:

I thought republicans were conservative? At least Kerry didn't decieve anyone. He ran as a liberal,which everyone knew he would be. Not everyone realized Bush was a liberal also.
Quote:
The republicans preach from a conservative platform,yet they practice liberal policy.
Since we preach from our platform an i to take it, it is not allowed? What do you call what comes from your platform?
Quote:
It might not work for the next election.

Care to place a wager? Gentlemens bet of course. One dollar?
Quote:
The American public is catching on real fast to the republican smokescreen.

America is getting wise to the smokescreen you guys have been laying down since Vietnam. We know the outcome of that one don't we? If not ask your bud Kennedy, and not the one just entering rehab. It's his also vehicle inhibited father but no loss of live occured?
Quote:
If we wanted liberals in office, we would have elected them.

Is that party anything but a dieing breed? What ever happened to that bastion of toppleing leftys, Air America?

Quote:
What we got were liberals who claimed to be conservative.

What's good for the goose is not good for the gander? We must not being playing fair again?
Quote:
November will be a good time to rid the country of the RINOs.

Why would you specificaly want the rino's out, who's gonna get rid of them? Us or YOU? I would think you a liberal would want more liberal minded folks like bush. That's about the only way you can get your agenda accross!
Quote:
I thought republicans were conservative?

I think it's what we make of it! It's called free will, herd of it?


Quote:
At least Kerry didn't decieve anyone.

We can't find out, he won't release his records like he said he would. Almost been three years waiting for that one.
Quote:
Cheney was placed to balance the ticket.

Here comes the conspiricy theory next right?
Quote:
He ran as a liberal,which everyone knew he would be. Not everyone realized Bush was a liberal also.
I wonder why i never hear your praise for his liberal record? So you guys did win the election after all, boy i dididn't see that one coming. You guys are slick!
Quote:
The country portrayed him as conservative because "every Republican is conservative".

I think your getting the media mixed up with the general public? In any event, you believe the lie the public portraited and are also not open minded for supposedly being such?
tumbleweed cv
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 May, 2006 07:50 pm
@Drnaline,
I can't speak for the Liberals. You are barking up the wrong tree. I'm an Independent.

If the truth be known, I'm not much happier about them. For all their faults, I can't see how we could be in worse shape with them in power.

The Republicans had their chance. The country has had enough of their style of leadership.
Drnaline
 
  1  
Reply Sun 7 May, 2006 08:32 pm
@tumbleweed cv,
tumbleweed wrote:
I can't speak for the Liberals. You are barking up the wrong tree. I'm an Independent.

If the truth be known, I'm not much happier about them. For all their faults, I can't see how we could be in worse shape with them in power.

The Republicans had their chance. The country has had enough of their style of leadership.

Quote:
I can't speak for the Liberals. You are barking up the wrong tree. I'm an Independent.

If you can say Bush is a liberal i guess i can do the same with you. Indepentent to me means you can't make up you mind which side to be on?
Quote:
The Republicans had their chance. The country has had enough of their style of leadership

Opinions are like aholes, every body has one. The majority said the wanted him. Therefore he is in office.
tumbleweed cv
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 May, 2006 04:16 am
@Drnaline,
Bush won by electoral vote not popular vote.

Your opinion of Independents falls under the opinion of aholes as well.:FU1:
Drnaline
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 May, 2006 06:07 am
@tumbleweed cv,
tumbleweed wrote:
Bush won by electoral vote not popular vote.

Your opinion of Independents falls under the opinion of aholes as well.:FU1:
Quote:
Bush won by electoral vote not popular vote.


Really CNN says diferent. CNN.com Election 2004 - U.S. President
Quote:
Your opinion of Independents falls under the opinion of aholes as well

Being it's my opinion i think your wrong. IMO independents like to ride the fence so they may jump off either side. It to them is much easier then picking a side.
tumbleweed cv
 
  1  
Reply Mon 8 May, 2006 09:49 am
@Drnaline,
Drnaline

Gore won the popular vote in the first election. That's the one I referred to. That started this whole mess.

Bush won the re-election by default. He was the lesser of the 2 evils. Hardly popular, but it did get him re-elected. How we make out as a country in the final 2 years of an 8 year sentence is anybodys guess. With the Republicans conservative spending policies, the sky is the limit, and so are the countries we invade.:wtf:

You can think what you want about Independents. It allows me to think outside the box. Maine has a lot of Independents , so it goes with the territory.:439: You can spin Conservatives any way you want, but they don't practice what they preach. I hear a lot of talking points, but the Republicans are in for a rough ride in Nov.:cool:

Conservatives aren't tough on anything, just mis-guided. Very Happy
 

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