How do i maintain a friendship with someone i love, but they do not reciprocate?

Why do you want to be friends with her? (Affects the advice I give...)

I do really like her as a friend, i enjoy her company. We also have a lot of similar tastes and stuff and seem to bump into each other at a lot of events.

Thanks. Would you continue to seek out other romantic female companionship if you become close friends with this person again?

I think so. Last time we were around each other i was deluded that we would become something more, i know that's not going to happen now though so i would be up for the idea of being involved romantically with someone else.

Well, for what it's worth, I have done that twice (created an enduring friendship) with two men I had VERY strong feelings for....in neither case was it appropriate to express or pursue the feelings.

For me it was just about weathering the storm of emotion, I guess, maintaining the discipline of knowing nothing could be pursued.

They have both been good friends now for years.


Can YOU maintain the discipline knowing the feeling swill pass?

OK... "up for the idea" as in if someone else happens to fall in your lap while you're basking in the glow of her wonderfulness? Or would you keep seeking out a girlfriend with the same (or more) avidity that you are now (with "now" = not being close friends with her at the moment)?

@dlowan
I'm pretty sure i can, i have never made any moves on her or anything. I can keep my emotions in check.

@sozobe
I would be pursuing a girlfriend in the same way i am now which is pretty relaxed to be honest, i am not very good with women and so i find dating and meeting them pretty hard and tend to avoid it.

OK, that makes me nervous, sorry. That's the kind of personality I see getting trapped in these moony friendships -- when you're in love with the girl you're friends with but it's not reciprocated. And I've seen this so so many times. The guy eventually gets frustrated and resentful, the girl gets resentful that she's being resented when she hasn't done anything wrong, the well gets poisoned, and the friendship breaks up after a significant amount of time and a significant amount of emotion... and not even any sex!

I absolutely would not go so far as to say this is what definitely WILL happen -- I don't have enough information for that, and even if I did this stuff is not always so predictable. But just from what you've said, I'd hazard that it's a likely outcome.

Which would mean my advice would be a) don't change the status quo (don't become closer to her than you are now) or b) use your friendship with her as a springboard to other relationships. Have her set you up with friends, give you advice, etc.

You're probably right, i was thinking it was probably best to keep some distance. Kind of reaffirms it really.

Trust your gut...

Personally I would never do this. If I felt like that and she didn't respond, I wouldn't be friends with her. I wouldn't want to hear her talk about someone else or even see her with someone else. That will tear you up and it will happen if you decide to just be friends with her. You have to deal with her not wanting you anyways, so ending everything is not going to put you in any worse position. Sure you won't have her friendship but it's not going to be much of a friendship if she hooks up with someone anyways.

I think I'm different in this regard, I cut my loses and move on even if a huge part of me hates it, and I'm not going to say that it is easy, but it is the best. Just my opinion though. If you don't you will always pine for her and that is going to do nothing but constantly bring you problems. Like a wound that never heals because you keep messing with it.

Perhaps more critically still: How will you feel when she seeks out romantic male companionship with men other then you, and eventually finds it?

Me personally I Dont think its possible To be friends with someone you love......I met a Girl (Posted it all recently so i wont go into details) but Needless to say i had Extremely Strong feelings for her,We got along terrific and she sorta led me along in the beginning too...but it was clear after a while she didnt want a relationship Or anything....For Me i would of Done anything to still see her just as friends but i just wasnt strong enough,Everytime i did I just thought about how Much i wanted to kiss her and confess my feelings to her no matter how obvious they were.

So i went to length's To not see her anymore, I left Common places we both frequented and anything else that was necessary......my idiot roommate however let her keep her boat in my parking space which she'll be picking up shorlty....******.....He obviously didnt get it.

MY POINT IS THIS!!! I dont think its possible to maintain a friendship,I sure couldnt....No matter how much you want to those feelings are still there and even if its not appropriate to act on them it'll kill you inside Wanting to Every second your with her.Its not worth the Pain.

Personally I would never do this. If I felt like that and she didn't respond, I wouldn't be friends with her. I wouldn't want to hear her talk about someone else or even see her with someone else. That will tear you up and it will happen if you decide to just be friends with her. You have to deal with her not wanting you anyways, so ending everything is not going to put you in any worse position. Sure you won't have her friendship but it's not going to be much of a friendship if she hooks up with someone anyways.

I think I'm different in this regard, I cut my loses and move on even if a huge part of me hates it, and I'm not going to say that it is easy, but it is the best. Just my opinion though. If you don't you will always pine for her and that is going to do nothing but constantly bring you problems. Like a wound that never heals because you keep messing with it.

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I agree One Hundred percent with you on this Krumple,It killed me inside hearing The girl i was in love with Talking about her ex,How she still loved him and how they were going to get back together....As if she didnt realize how much that hurt me....And it still kills me that i wasnt able to be friends with her and still see her but cut your losses and MOVE ON! Thats what im trying to do....Unsucessfully but still...Im trying.