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Circumcision; to be or not to be?

 
 
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:15 pm
About 80% of men in the US are circumcised, so basically it's relatively uncommon to find someone who isn't. I had the 'luck' of finding someone who isn't. I don't have anything against people who aren't and I know it's the real 'normal.' But being raised in a society with circumcision as a normal, people who aren't strike me as unfamiliar and to be honest, it's just not my thing.

I've always made accepting me and everything about me a large deal, as well as accepting everything about him just the way he is. I do believe he is perfect and I do truly love him. But after finding this out, I feel largely like a hypocrite for even being slightly upset.

So do I:

1) Selfishly tell my significant other to get circumcised [I'm aware of pros/cons], portray that I don't accept everything about him, ultimately making him feel worthless just so I can be sexually/physically attracted to him. And to add on, he admitted he's not 100% sure about doing it, but he offered if I preferred it.

Or 2) Tell him not to, which is basically lying to myself to spare his feelings, and stay uninterested to him sexually.

Originally I'd say 2, but I'm aware that problems in attraction cause intimacy problems, which.. also tend to seep into other parts of the relationship. Advice?
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Type: Question • Score: 21 • Views: 15,360 • Replies: 201

 
CalamityJane
 
  4  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:22 pm
@Paperheartstrings,
That's an odd request, Paperheartstring.
I am from Europe where most men are NOT circumcised and it is considered
"normal" there to not be. Regardless though, what difference would it make
in the performance, personality or character of a man? Absolutely none in my book. I think it would be very wrong of you to ask him to get circumcised
just because it seems more appropriate to you.
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:26 pm
@Paperheartstrings,
Considering your male companion must be an adult now, if you ask him to follow through such procedure and he goes through with it at such a late age, that just might prove his level of commitment to you or perhaps prove that he's a bit of a masochist.

Several questions:
How long have you two been dating? If you're on your second or third dates then this request would be kind of creepy.

How old is your boyfriend? If he's in his 60's then perhaps this request is 40+ years too late.

Do you see this relationship as a long term relationship or some kind of summer/seasonal fling?

Green Witch
 
  2  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:28 pm
I had a similar experience in my early 20's. I met a great guy who just happened to be from Eastern Europe where circumcision is not routine. I admit that at first I was put off by it, but I got over it and we went on to have a very lovely, sex filled two year relationship. It's like a lot of things having to do with sex - your first thought is "ewwww", next comes the "Okay let's see what happens if I try" and third is like "Oh, hey, this is fine...and so on. Give it time, you'll probably find it doesn't matter in the long run.
Paperheartstrings
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:30 pm
@CalamityJane,
Odd, I agree. Here it is considered normal to be, so maybe you may not understand my general feelings on the subject because you come from a place where it's universally and culturally accepted.

Actually, studies have shown that in the 'performance' area that men are less likely to be able to perform as long and also have more sexual issues later in life. Personality/character-wise, there is no difference.

I'm not bringing this up because I feel it's appropriate. A person being attracted to their partner is a large deal if a relationship is to work. It just doesn't catch my fancy. Like I said, I'm about 90% on #2, but I don't want my unsatisfaction or lack of interest to harm him in other aspects of our relationship.
Paperheartstrings
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:31 pm
@tsarstepan,
He's completely committed and not a masochist, I promise you.

We've been dating for several years. He's in his 20's. And yes, our relationship is a long term deal.
Paperheartstrings
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:34 pm
@Green Witch,
Thanks so much. I at first felt like I was the only person in the world who felt this way (and rather idiotic, too). I'm relieved others have been through this too.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  3  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:38 pm
@Paperheartstrings,
Paperheartstrings wrote:
Actually, studies have shown that in the 'performance' area that men are less likely to be able to perform as long and also have more sexual issues later in life. Personality/character-wise, there is no difference.


I am sorry, but this is a myth. Sexual performance is not bases on circumcision
and there is no profound legitimate study either. I can understand that it is
a preference for you as you're accustomed to circumcised men, however to ask
someone else to have elective surgery based on pure aesthetics is beyond my
level of tolerance.

What would you do if your partner asks you to have your breasts surgically enhanced as he feels more comfortable with a double DD?

tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:39 pm
@Paperheartstrings,
Break this request to him gently and perhaps he'll make this unimaginable sacrifice for this relationship.

But if he vetoes this request? I believe he has the right to do so. Perhaps a sex counselor can help you with your aversion to his uncircumcised situation.
DrewDad
 
  3  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:47 pm
@Paperheartstrings,
I think the whole premise of this thread is ridiculous.

Either get over your shallow, immature prejudice, or break up with the guy.

Asking someone to undergo surgery in order to conform to your subjective aesthetics is stupid.

(The same would go for any guy wanting his girlfriend to get a boob job.)
Paperheartstrings
 
  0  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:49 pm
@CalamityJane,
It's in several studies and is, as far as I'm aware, still accepted as true. I could be wrong, given that I haven't went in depth into the subject.

But then the question arises; my breasts aren't inserted into him? Comparing the size of a breast to the circumcision of a male is a whole new conversation. But to satisfy your question; if I knew I was staying with him and that it would help us intimately, yes, I would consider getting larger breasts.
Paperheartstrings
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:52 pm
@tsarstepan,
People that in later life get circumcised have claimed there is little to no difference in sexual feeling. He has the right to ultimately decide what he's going to do, and regardless of his decision, I'm not going to leave or feel insulted. I don't see how it is a sacrifice, although.
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:53 pm
No performance problems in my experience. The sex was good. I'm surprised you are still feeling put off by it since you mention you have been with this man for awhile. It took me a few weeks and then it became a normal feature of who he was. Like everything in the world it's just a collection molecules. I seem to recall when an erection is involved it's not even really noticeable. My advice is don't watch him take a cold shower.
Paperheartstrings
 
  2  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:54 pm
@DrewDad,
I asked for advice, not a lecture or a rude comment.. I'm aware it's simply for me, selfishly, but ultimately attraction boils down to more than just foreskin or no foreskin. We're not separating over something so trivial, I just felt I could ask someone's opinion without being attacked like a mouse in a snake's cage.
Paperheartstrings
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:56 pm
@Green Witch,
We've been together for several years but we haven't been sexually active with each other. It's a long story. Hehe; I'll take your advice, Green Witch, no cold showers it is.
DrewDad
 
  5  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 02:57 pm
@Paperheartstrings,
I gave advice, as well as my opinion.

My advice is: don't even suggest to your SO that he should get a circumcision.

My other advice is: make your choice. Get over it, or get over him.
Green Witch
 
  0  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 03:00 pm
@Paperheartstrings,
I don't think the foreskin is the problem if there is desire. Really, look at all the men in the world who are not circumcised - I doubt they are having problems having sex. The countries with highest populations are not routinely circumcising males to my knowledge.
Paperheartstrings
 
  2  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 03:01 pm
@DrewDad,
Well, thank you for your advice DrewDad. I'm sorry you feel that way. You're not dating me, so don't make it your conquest to save someone who is capable of thinking for himself.
Pemerson
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 03:02 pm
@Paperheartstrings,
Quote:
People that in later life get circumcised have claimed there is little to no difference in sexual feeling. He has the right to ultimately decide what he's going to do, and regardless of his decision, I'm not going to leave or feel insulted. I don't see how it is a sacrifice, although


You have just made your decision! It's his decision and you'll be happy either way.
Paperheartstrings
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Jun, 2010 03:03 pm
@Pemerson,
Hehe, Pemerson. I know it's his decision! I'm okay with whatever he decides, I just wasn't sure if I should bring it up with him or let the issue alone. I'm happy with who I have regardless of the issue.
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