Circumcision; to be or not to be?

@Paperheartstrings,

Paperheartstrings wrote:

About 80% of men in the US are circumcised, so basically it's relatively uncommon to find someone who isn't. I had the 'luck' of finding someone who isn't. I don't have anything against people who aren't and I know it's the real 'normal.' But being raised in a society with circumcision as a normal, people who aren't strike me as unfamiliar and to be honest, it's just not my thing.

I've always made accepting me and everything about me a large deal, as well as accepting everything about him just the way he is. I do believe he is perfect and I do truly love him. But after finding this out, I feel largely like a hypocrite for even being slightly upset.

So do I:

1) Selfishly tell my significant other to get circumcised [I'm aware of pros/cons], portray that I don't accept everything about him, ultimately making him feel worthless just so I can be sexually/physically attracted to him. And to add on, he admitted he's not 100% sure about doing it, but he offered if I preferred it.

Or 2) Tell him not to, which is basically lying to myself to spare his feelings, and stay uninterested to him sexually.

Originally I'd say 2, but I'm aware that problems in attraction cause intimacy problems, which.. also tend to seep into other parts of the relationship. Advice?

first of all, wow. it amazes me how one little thing like skin can be such a hang up. but to be fair i can totally see where you are coming from. i can't slight you at all for thinking like this. if it is a concern you should mention it to him though, or else it's always going to bother you.

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during sex,honestly.....

a circumcised penis tends to dry out a woman more, and makes the skin go numb sometimes from too MUCH friction
One that isnt circumcised doesnt do so.
I think that is why there is so much lubrication for sale in america.
Men are not MEANT to have that skin cut off.

but

thats my own little tangent Smile

and if you have not had sex with him, and it is just coming from a visual stand point.. TRY it first.
Dont be so worried about having sex. just do it Smile

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@shewolfnm,

Yup. The ribs on condoms are meant to simulate an uncircumcised penis, or so I've heard and/or read.

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Okay, since I keep getting the same people that can't seem to get the idea, I'll just tell every one of you how it is;

We don't have sexual intercourse yet. Why? Not by my choice, so ultimately, no, he does not deserve a medal and no; he has not sacrificed by his choice. If anyone has sacrificed, I have by waiting for him. Secondly, my past relationships have nothing to do with circumcision. I'm not dating them.

I'm not 'not interested' in him because of a foreskin. I'm not completely unattracted to him either. I love him, he's good looking, smart, and has a charming personality. I love everything about him. To put it short, I was sexually abused as a young teen. That's all the more I really have to say to it. Use what imagination you have left.

I said we never had sexual intercourse. Never have I said I've never seen it, nor have I ever said I have never seen other uncircumcised penises. Fact is, I have.

Thanks to shewolfnm, Green Witch, and Krumple. You were truly more helpful than everyone else combined, which is rather sad.

I've decided against asking him. For you pro-uncircumcision people (specifically you men), calm down and get off your high horse. You're not him, you shouldn't be concerned. I know it's simply your opinion and I can handle that, but what I can't handle is your biased, one-sidedness. Calm down. We're all old enough to have a mature, civilized conversation. Not to bash a woman for asking for advice.

I've realized after having other input to overlook it. It wasn't an extremely large deal to begin with, and I was never forcing it upon him. He offered and left it up to me. I didn't ask him to, or bring up about how strange it was. It was his idea to remove it. He's wearing his big boy diapers so you guys can just relax. Don't bother posting 'advice' either, my decision is final and he won't have to make such an 'imaginable sacrifice,' Wink

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@Paperheartstrings,

I find it deeply facinating how group think and flock instinct can lead to selfmutilation, with no proven posetive consequenses, other than posetive social benefit.

Unfortunaly I can't agree with such thinking and must insist on avoiding such action.

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@chai2,

They're also waterproof Wink

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@HexHammer,

I don't find uncircumcised penises unappealing because the flock follows circumcision. I just personally find circumcised penises more appealing for me as an individual. Call it what you want.

10-4! Such action disabled.

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@Paperheartstrings,

Paperheartstrings wrote:

Well, circumcision of a woman is completely different than men and incomparable. It's mutilation (which I know to males, it is as well), but it does not hinder the sexual experience for a man. It's only aesthetic. I understand where you and DrewDad are coming from, though. I've decided against asking him, so indirectly, I'd like to thank you two.

Actually, this is incorrect. That skin is there for more than aesthetics. There are apparently lots of people who get circumcised later on in life, and sensation can be greatly reduced...so, yes, it would be a sacrifice of more than just some skin.

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@Paperheartstrings,

I hear you loud and clear actually.

I was not saying that I was in a tangent from anger or judgment or anything like that so dont worry. Smile

When i meant tangent I meant just that.. from my own experience, that is what happens. I prefer men to be natural. To me it just feels better. Though, frankly.. good sex is good sex no matter what Smile

I understand how odd it must feel to have someone you love, almost literally, pull out a part of their body and ask you if you want them to cut it or not. Obviously he has had the idea BEFORE you so in a sense , it isnt your responsibility. But what a question !

And when I said that it was from a visual stand point.. i was asking sort of passively if you have had sex with a man who was natural?
I have been abused sexually many times. I do understand that the feeling of , or even look of certain things can bring about seriously unwanted feelings. I DO understand that.
Is this one? Possibly?

If it is... well, I dont know that I have a lot to offer about that. I would want to suggest YOU getting some help ( not being rude and not judging ) But if the simple appearance of a penis brings about fears and memories of abuse, then it may not be the situation that you can handle.
BUT!! I understand that the above statement is REALLY based on my idea that this is what is going on and the ASSUMPTION that the abuse is the reason for the issue with a man being natural . In fact, Im willing to bet I am wrong ! But, i wanted to say it anyway.

My next question though... is more about him and you may not want to answer.. thats ok.
But why is he so worried about his foreskin? How did this question come about? Was he abused? Is HE self conscious about it? And why is he ready to remove it before he even knows if you guys are sexually compatible?

Anyway.. just my musings. Smile

Again. No judgment. No anger. No trying to tell you what to do. Just random thoughts.

I hear you that you said you made up your mind. I just still had some ideas I wanted to put out. thats all.

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Watching this thread I am actually encouraged by the good advice Paper got.

The fact of the matter is that, right or wrong, what many cultures has been doing for so long (in circumcising males) has actually changed what is expected for many - in many ways changing the norm. I think its good that we've started to get away from this (simply because its altering something that needn't be).

That she had the insight to see this and cast it in the light of "how should I deal with this" speaks well that this "norm" hasn't become the standard. I particularly liked the bit of advice that said (essentially), 'it might seem odd at first but you'll get over it'.

Practical application in how to deal with a synthetic norm not of nature's making. Good stuff

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@Paperheartstrings,

Oh, go call the whaaaaambulance.

You'll note that in my first response that I hold exactly the same opinion for any man that want's his wife or girlfriend to have bigger boobs.

This is the body that you have for your whole life.... do you really want to go cutting pieces off of it, or surgically implanting stuff?

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@Pangloss,

Pangloss wrote:

Paperheartstrings wrote:

but it does not hinder the sexual experience for a man. It's only aesthetic.

Actually, this is incorrect. That skin is there for more than aesthetics. There are apparently lots of people who get circumcised later on in life, and sensation can be greatly reduced...so, yes, it would be a sacrifice of more than just some skin.

I wanted to hit on that too for much the same reason.
You are removing nerve endings. Yes, sex will still FEEL good, but it will never feel the same.

The soft skin helps to keep the penis soft. Not chaffed and tough. After a while, the loss of protection from the foreskin will cause the penis skin to harden a bit from the friction of jeans, underwear, shorts.. you name it. The skin will toughen up. When that happens , it loses sensitivity.

1 Reply

@Paperheartstrings,

That's a hell of a reaction to a bit of skin!!!

I mean, Australian men of my generation are mainly circumcised, so my first turtle-neck was a shock, but your reaction seems quite extreme.

Certainly tell him why if you intend to drop him, otherwise he might think it is a real flaw in him you are reacting to. If he chooses to have a circumcision, so be it. Honesty is best.

But tell another human being to get a circumcision for your viewing pleasure?!!!

Is there no way you can work on your reaction to his penis? I kind of get the idea you've not been having sex for long? Give it some time...ANYTHING can become erotic about a loved person, in my experience. Embrace the foreskin!

I don't want to sound horrible to you, because you are just being honest, but a man is more than a hunk of flesh attached to a penis!!

It had never occurred to me to worry about what someone's penis looks like!!!

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@Paperheartstrings,

Paperheartstrings wrote:

After my post, I'm to the point I don't care anymore. Hearing other peoples' opinions helped me change mine, but thanks for your time. It's just something that anyone has to get used to regardless. I'm extremely fragile with how I handle personal matters like this with him, so he knows it's not a personal attack.

Advice noted. I would never intentionally insult him. Thank you chai2.

Oh...looks as though I need not have posted.

If this post is true, that's a good outcome.

Be happy.

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@Paperheartstrings,

Paperheartstrings wrote:

It's in several studies and is, as far as I'm aware, still accepted as true. I could be wrong, given that I haven't went in depth into the subject.

Here is a medical study contrary to your beliefs
http://www.circumcision.org/studies.htm

Quote:

A sensitivity study of the adult penis in circumcised and uncircumcised men shows that the uncircumcised penis is significantly more sensitive. The most sensitive location on the circumcised penis is the circumcision scar on the ventral surface. Five locations on the uncircumcised penis that are routinely removed at circumcision are significantly more sensitive than the most sensitive location on the circumcised penis.

In addition, the glans (head) of the circumcised penis is less sensitive to fine touch than the glans of the uncircumcised penis. The tip of the foreskin is the most sensitive region of the uncircumcised penis, and it is significantly more sensitive than the most sensitive area of the circumcised penis. Circumcision removes the most sensitive parts of the penis.

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@Paperheartstrings,

Paperheartstrings wrote:

I don't find uncircumcised penises unappealing because the flock follows circumcision. I just personally find circumcised penises more appealing for me as an individual. Call it what you want.

Group think/flock instinct, won't nessesarily make you dislike the 1 thing over the other, but make you prefer certain things.

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Well now I'm totally confused because I remember reading somewhere that if a man is NOT circumcised he can go longer (during intercourse) because the head of the penis is not exposed as it is in circumcised males- but I don't see how that could be true if overall it is more sensitive in the uncircumcised male.

Aesthetically, I have no issue either way. I didn't have my son circumcised (just because I couldn't put him through it - and I thought to myself,'Why? This little baby just came into this cold, bright, foreign world of stainless steel surfaces from a warm, dark, quiet peaceful womb and the first thing that I as his mother am going to make the decision to subject him to is a scalpel - NO!!)

So whenever I saw little boys who were circumcised - that looked weird to me - although my husband was circumcised. I guess I can just live with the individuality.

But are 80% of babies still circumcised in the US? I thought that was changing- or at least it seemed to have been the trend when I gave birth - I know my pediatrician didn't push it one way or the other.

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@aidan,

aidan wrote:

But are 80% of babies still circumcised in the US? I thought that was changing- or at least it seemed to have been the trend when I gave birth - I know my pediatrician didn't push it one way or the other.

From my perspective, since we just had a little boy, the problem is that everyone in the damned hospital asks you if he's going to be circumcised.

We must've been asked that question 15 times in the first three days he was in the hospital. We had 'em write it on their board, and they still asked us.

And responses varied from a simple "OK", to a shocked "why not?!?!?"

And....

We researched circumcision prior to making the choice, and one thing that a lot of people mentioned is "he's not going to look like his father!"

Well, duh. He's not going to look like me in a lot of ways.

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@aidan,

aidan wrote:

Well now I'm totally confused because I remember reading somewhere that if a man is NOT circumcised he can go longer (during intercourse) because the head of the penis is not exposed as it is in circumcised males- but I don't see how that could be true if overall it is more sensitive in the uncircumcised male.

The foreskin doesn't permanently and always cover the head of the penis aidan.

Like I said in the first post, you can draw the foreskin back from the head of the shaft, and when a man is erect, all the skin on the penis is obviously stretched out.
It's not covered during sex.

drewdad, they really do keep asking that?
wow.

1 Reply

@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

drewdad, they really do keep asking that?

Yup.

Two shifts for three days, desk nurse, nurse assigned to us, pediatrician, lactation consultant, etc.

OK, maybe 10 times during the "regular" hospital time.

Add to that he was in the NICU for seven days, and it easily exceeded 15.

1 Reply

Circumcision; to be or not to be?

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