Is He/She your PROPERTY?

If you see it as quite alright, it's quite alright.

It's between the people involved.

There are people who are monogamy-bound and some who are not. Choose your lifestyle, as long as it's not hurting anyone. Call me old-fashioned, but my feelings are choose one or the other, don't try to have both the faithful lover, and the fun.

Hey, faithful lovers can be fun!

Heh heh, I'm not saying they're not, just that as long as the agreement is two-sided it's okay. It's not okay if one person is not so inclined to an open relationship.

Right.

If one person thinks it's a monogamous relationship and want a monogamous relationship, and the other thinks it's an "open" relationship... not gonna work. And it's not because either is wrong, per se -- two wants-monogamy people is fine, two wants-open is fine. Just ain't compatible, by definition.

Yep. It's gotta be mutually agreed upon that you're going to be with others or not and even then, it rarely works out because jealousy and the need for exclusivity has a way of creeping in. Years ago I was involved with a man who divided his time between five women. Once I accepted the groundrules of the relationship, I played along because I really, really dug this guy. It wasn't easy, I went through alot of private turmoil but I never got up in his face about it because I knew the deal when I started seeing him. I do try and play by the rules. The funny thing was, once he became "emotionally involved" with me, he developed issues about me seeing other men. What was good for the goose was not good for the gander after all.
We're just not built that way, pfrem. No matter how we may try and fool ourselves, the true and honest "open relationship", in my opinion, is just a myth. Sooner or later, if you become emotionally involved as well, someone's gonna want more.

As far as what's wrong with married couples sleeping around, you took vows not to, for starters.

My bitchez always be my property. I tell 'em to dress pretty and fetch me beer or they get smacked two time.

That's not too intelligent Slappy, they might deflate.

Point taken. They are gentle smacks.

I think its f****** bullshit,
the feeling of love is so overpowering that you dont feel or see anything in anyone else in the world. your entire mind is focussed on the one person and if you have energu to worry about sleeping with others you might need a reality check.

Entire mind focused on one person? Is that love or obsession?

Obsession. Love grows with time, and changes as two lives develop. There are pitfalls, they happen. To make one person the center of your universe is a recipe for disaster and heartbreak. Mind you, when one is young, it can be hard to realize that.

My point exactly, cav.

Energy to worry about sleeping with others?

More like, energy NOT to sleep with others.

The fallacy in this justification is the trashing of the trust lines. You break the trust that your mate has in you. You may have sex with "respectful and careful people who are clean and do not have STDs" but that does not mean THAT person practices the same with all their other partners. This exposes you and your mate to everyone else that person and everyone else in the chain is having sex with between doctor's visits.

When you break the circle of protection a committed relationship offers, you have a great deal to lose by exposing that circle to outsiders. If you're lucky, you will be the only one doing the losing. More often then not, others that were in that circle of protection also lose.

By the way, what is your definition of respectful? What is the other person being respectful of when they have sex with a married person?

Re: Is He/She your PROPERTY?


The main problem is if you are lying and being deceitful to your partner. As a consequence they will lose trust and respect for you, realizing that you are not who you appear to be. So basically, you are screwed.

But if you find a partner that is OK with an open relationship from the start it can be done. Of course people have different values that have been installed throughout our lifes by our parents, teachers and our society. And a lot of people value monogamy. If one person doesn't value it and the other does, you cannot avoid a conflict. But you cannot force your partner to change their values just so you can do whatever you wanna do. I'm sorry but it just doesn't work that way in a serious relationship.

I think that you have some issues if you are gonna be going and screwing other people! If you love someone and someone loves you Sex/Making love is something that is special.. If your gonna cheat on him/her then odds are you really dont care enough about them in the first place. I say seek some counceling and fast. Or just leave him/her and quit waisting your time!

What is lost.
A wife loses nothing from her husband's sleeping around (assuming no venereal disease), just by his neglecting caring for her or their children. Personally, I think marriage should entail of the male basically just caring responsibilities. If without exerting much effort a man can have sex with a clean mistress who loves him, Why not? The wife loses nothing. For the wife to resist is needless cruelty both to the husband and to the would-be mistress. Of course, if the female has extra-marital sex, that is quite a loss to the husband. Pregnancy is a big deal.

Of course, it could be argued that, what with the science of obstetrics, the situation should be symmetrical. I.e., married females should be able to have sex with other men if these other men are willing to take care of procreated children all on their own. I don't think the situation should be symmetrical, though. IMO, a woman shouldn't cheat on her husband unless she loves her paramour very much more than her husband (and this adultery she should hide from her spouse, most unlike the case of a husband committing adultery). Marriage plays an important role in an asymmetrical situation in ensuring that people have unselfish ways of expressing their love. If everything were symmetrical, you couldn't say, for instance, that it is typically unselfish for a female to be a mistress or that it is typically unselfish for a male to care well for a female. Mostly, the only way to be selfish with a mate would be to hurt that mate, and who would want to be hurt selfishly? So since selfishness would be mostly impossible, by definition unselfishness in mating would also mostly be impossible, and the evolution of goodness and unselfishness in people would be seriously thwarted.

Basically I don't like the idea of men dividing caring more or less equally between females, as occurs with polygamy--only the sex would I like to spread around. At times I have thought that under certain conditions it might be appropriate to care less than very well but more than a little for a female if she is one of several fairly well-loved females (or would they need to be girls?) that got together beforehand and decided to offer themselves to you as a bunch, but alas I have not had sufficient occasion to give the phenomenon more than a cursory consideration, and doubt it has wide applicability. Also, if you have serious mistress sex wtih a close friend or relative of a would-be wife, well, that rather suggests that the wife, being akin to her close friends and relatives, did not have sex with you for selfish reasons, and so accordingly there is no real reason not to care for females having sex with you more-or-less just as you directly feel they deserve; the would-be wife should probably be what I call a quasi-wife.