Forty days and forty nights and it's still coming down on me

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I think of this girl still, after 40 days and 40 nights.

I think about that certain thing she has, I have no idea what it is exactly, but it is so cute and sweet, like she's a fragile, sweet little baby bird that needs someone to protect it and keep it safe.

Whatever this thing is, it triggers something in me that is so strong"in my abstract thoughts of the thing at least"a longing to make all her dreams come true for her, to take her away and make her happy, an urge to be her hero.

She'd always hoped that I was going to come through and be the one, the one to make her happy. And the thought of me not being man enough to do what it takes to fix things for her and make her happy is breaking me down to tears time and time again.

There were times when we were really great together, and it did seem like we could live happily ever after.

But the reality of the situation is that I don't want the same things she does. I'd have to give up too much to be the man that she wants me to be. It would be counter to my own ideas of what happiness is.

But like I said, it's been forty days and forty nights, so I should really stick to the past tense when I speak of this relationship.

It's over. Get on with your life.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 13 • Views: 1,290 • Replies: 14

@kickycan,

One thing that struck me, Kicky, about what you said was that you both expected that YOU would be the one to MAKE HER HAPPY. No such thing. You make your own self happy and can't rely on anyone else to do that for you.

If two people, independently, are happy and healthy, there's a better chance of making it work and last. But for one person to need another person to make them happy - well, that's a tall order and just wrong. I understand your genetic male stuff kicking in, but that's more of a protective, providing sort of thing, I think, rather than making someone happy. How in the world can one person make another one happy??

Think about it. It's got nothing to do with not being man enough - it's a personal responsibility, not one you look outside for.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time letting go. But go meet someone strong and happy within herself and see how it goes.

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Obviously, there was something there to inspire the admiration for her that is in your post. A therapist would . . . in that phrasing that clinicians use that is just so clinical. . . say that you suffer a lose of emotional investment. As repulsive as those words are, they are true and succinct.

The end of a relationship . . . or even the prelude to a relationship . . . can be painful and the pain can not be dismissed overnight. I hate the word closure because only the person feeling pain knows when -- and if -- that pain ended. There is no mechanical way to eliminate pain.

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@Mame,

Mame wrote:

One thing that struck me, Kicky, about what you said was that you both expected that YOU would be the one to MAKE HER HAPPY. No such thing. You make your own self happy and can't rely on anyone else to do that for you....

Nail hit.

You're not responsible for her feelings.

I'm sorry you're still hurt by it all but, in time, if you'd continued, it only would've been more and more of a loss of your inner self.

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if you were the man that she wanted, you wouldn't be the man that you are.

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Once in the dear, dead days beyond recall,
When on the world the mists began to fall,
Out of the dreams that rose in happy throng,
Low to our hearts love sang an old sweet song,
And in the dusk where fell the firelight gleam,
Softly it wove itself into our dream.

Even today we hear love's song of yore,
Deep in our hearts it swells forever-more.
Footsteps may falter, weary grow the way;
Still we can hear it at the close of day.
So 'til the end, when life's dim shadows fall,
Love will be found the sweetest song of all.

Chorus:
Just a song at twilight, when the lights are low;
And the flick'ring shadows softly come and go.
Tho' the heart be weary, sad the day and long,
Still to us at twilight comes love's old song,
Comes love's old sweet song.

J. Clifton Bingham

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Mame absolutely has it right. No one can be responsible for another person's happiness. That has to come from within.

It is certainly possible, however, to make another person UNhappy.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, Kicky.

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Kicky wrote:

Forty days and forty nights and it's still coming down on me

It's time for the deluge to end, Kicky...

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@kickycan,

Sorry to hear it Kicky.

Lerve sucks when it breaks down. What can I say?

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kicky)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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@dlowan,

Did she dump you? If thats the case (as a previous professional dumpee), you will get over her easier than she will you.

Move to Vermont, they have strong women up there. However, they are into "rough" sex

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@farmerman,

calling my friend from Vermont to verify...

(who knew)

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@Rockhead,

Funny, I met a man who moved from Vermont to Connecticut in part because it was so difficult to meet women. He said it was because the population was scattered. It looks like it was difficult because those women are in bed having rough sex with their lucky partners.

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@kickycan,

kickycan wrote:

I think about that certain thing she has, I have no idea what it is exactly, but it is so cute and sweet, like she's a fragile, sweet little baby bird that needs someone to protect it and keep it safe.

Run away, Kidkycan. Run away fast!

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@roger,

roger wrote:

kickycan wrote:

I think about that certain thing she has, I have no idea what it is exactly, but it is so cute and sweet, like she's a fragile, sweet little baby bird that needs someone to protect it and keep it safe.

Run away, Kidkycan. Run away fast!

There IS a certain Blanche Dubois feel about that.

Or Kicky's projecting.

Read (or seen) A Streetcar Named Desire, Kicky?

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40 - did you say 40??

Seems your wounded bird was strong enough to fly away . . .

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Forty days and forty nights and it's still coming down on me

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