I think I have a stocker.

I agree Sozobe, but in this situation, she's not listening to all the good advice she's been given here which leads me to believe that she wants the attention. Anyone who is in fear of their well being wouldn't think twice about giving the stuff back. I'm not saying that it's her fault, but she's not even trying to cut the ties with him by hanging on to this stuff he gave her. Granted, their is no excuse for this man to be harrassing her, but she has the ability to put an end to it and won't. I've been around the block enough times to know when someone is being played and this is one of those times in my opinion.

Yeah, I know what you mean. The impression I get is less that she wants the attention than that she wants the cellphone, though.

;-)

I guess Kerver should give it back to him, via possibly certified mail?, but am not sure. If she is afraid of him, why would she mail him something?
She shouldn't just throw it out, and it seems icky to keep using it in the circumstances. I would consider giving it back to the phone company, but don't know if they would take it or what good that would do. So, I don't have an answer.

But I can understand kerver's confusion, even continuing confusion, as he didn't seem like a stalker all this time. People do buy things for friends sometimes, although I agree one needs to be careful there, even in ordinary who buys what for whom situations.

Not knowing the case background, and not being there, I can even imagine the guy is a bit socially inept and emotionally invested and got mad for being "shined on" re giving him help in moving stuff. That just might be an appropriate, if misplaced, ordinary reaction.

The things that flag worry for me is the past situation (JAIL TIME?) and the fact that boyfriend saw him at the police station writing a complaint.

Plus, if he is signing a complaint, it seems like a time to talk to an attorney. Sigh.

If the cellphone is that important, than I think it's safe to assume that there isn't much fear of this guy after all ;-)

I think she should send all the things he gave her right back to him. I also got the red flag when I read that the man was filing a complaint of his own. The biggest red flag of all to me is that she stated that the guy was badmouthing her boyfriend, yet she continued to hang around with him and recieve gifts from him as well. Then she claimed that she was afraid of him, yet you won't give him back the things he gave her even though she is suposedly in all this fear. I don't mean to come off so strong here, but as I read between the lines, I have to express my honest opinion.

Lee has not given me a whole bunch of stuff, basically, he gave me a cell phone for my b-day, and maybe to thank me for all the **** i've done for him. I payed for the cellphone to get fixed, and i feel after all of this **** i shouldn't have to give it back. I payed more to get it fixed then the phone origonally costed. I offered to give him my old phone when he gave it to me but he said he idn't want it. And the reason why lee was at the police station was because the police called him to come in and make a statement. I also asked the police if i should have to give the cell phone back and they so no, it was a b-day present. They also said that it probably wouldn't stop him from harassing me anyway because he has done this to many women before.

But, since you had the phone when it broke, it would still be up to you to get it fixed. All I'm saying is that if you want to get rid of him, then the thing to do would be to give him back the stuff. That was the advice from all of us here and if you don't want to take that advice, then there's nothing else you can do except for to maybe get a restraining order on him if he continues to harrass you.

good luck to you. I hope for his sake that he leaves you alone and for your sake that he's not dangerous.

I know what your saying montana about giving his stuff back. The thing is I know that it's not the "stuff" that he actually wants. So giving it back really isn't going to make the difference here.

How do you know. At this point, as long as you have the stuff he has a reason in his own mind to harrass you, but if you give it back to him you eliminate those reasons. If you do decide to hold your ground on this, then you'll have to take legal action. If he threatens you with bodily harm in any way, shape or form, I would go and get myself a restraining order.

I don't mean to be so hard on you Kerver, but this sounds to me like a potentially dangerous situation and I would hate to see you get hurt over a cell phone and other small items he might have given you. If you are sure that it's more than that with this guy and he's threatening you, get the restraining order.

Let us know how everything works out.

Montana's being very smart about this.
Kerver, you need to get rid of anything he can 'use' against you. Then again, you continued with this relationship after you knew the man's background. You've got our advice. Listen to it, or ignore it. It's your life.

Give it back anyway. Don't get your arm broken (or worse) because of a cel phone. Aren't you worth more than that?

Kerver
In my previous employment I've seen situations just like this one a million times, so I'm going to try to explain to you what's going through this guys mind, so that maybe you can think about it on his level.

Here's Lee who makes friends with a much younger girl. He is attracted to this girl Kerver and wants a relationship with her, but the boyfriend is in the way and she says that they will never be more than friends. Lee thinks about this, but is convinced he can change Kerver's mind by taking her out to diner and buying her gifts. Lee also decides to try to turn Kerver against her boyfriend by telling her that he's not good enough for her. As time goes by, the wheels are rolling in Lee's mind as he works on his strategy to win Kerver's heart. Lee sees that the gifts are not working, so he tries to think of the perfect gift that would keep them as close as possible. "I know" says Lee, I'll get her a cell phone, so that I can call her all the time. Yeah, that's what I'll do. By this point Lee is head over heels about Kerver. He throws his money around when Kerver is near, so she can see how much he has to offer. Then one day Lee calls Kerver to ask her to come over. By this time, Kerver is starting to become annoyed with Lee and decides to start blowing him off. Lee doesn't like this at all after all the money he has spent on Kerver. Things are not going the way Lee has planned and he starts feeling used and abandoned, which makes him resentful and angry. Lee then thinks "if this is the way she's going to treat me, I want my phone back". In the mean time Kerver is saying "screw him, the phone was a gift just like everything else he gave me", and this makes Lee even more angry. Lee feels he's been betrayed by Kerver and is losing his cool, so Kerver goes to the police because she's afraid of what Lee might do. Lee is now at the boiling point.

Ok, now who knows what happens next? I'm not saying that what's going through his mind is reasonable Kerver, but I've seen this so many times that I'd be willing to bet that this is exactly how his mind works. This is the mind of a person who is extremely possesive and controlling and those two things alone are a dangerous combination. I wouldn't be investing so much time in this thread if I didn't think you were in danger. I think if you give him back the things he gave you, then it would cool him down some and get him to leave you alone, but I don't see any chance in that happening if you don't give the stuff back. You say that "it's not about the stuff and that he'll find something else to bother you about", but you can't possibly know this unless you give the stuff back.

Out of curiosity Kerver, what other things has he given you?

Maybe this will teach you to stop hanging out with f'n losers. Surround yourself around decent people, not harrassing jailbirds.

Kerver--

This guy has spent time in prison for stalking. A jury heard all the evidence against him and found him guilty. I'm sure that Lee could afford a good lawyer, but he still spent two years in jail.

He is not a nice man. He has been known to play rough--illegally rough--in the past. You may well be risking your life.

Suppose he decides that you deserve to be punished--and after he damages you, he decides that you are a dangerous witness against him and kills you?

What did you do for danger before you hooked up with Lee?

Alright well just to let everyone know, I packaged up the cell phone up and mailed it to him today, so we'll see if that works. Thanks for the advise, i hope it works.

Smart move lady. Well done. Hope things work out. Don't hesitate to contact the police if he continues to bother you.

Yay!

Good for you, Kerver.

I don't think it's any guarantee of anything, but it certainly is in your favor to remove as many risk factors as possible. That was a biggie.

My grocery store has has plenty of stockers.
They stock fruit, they stock the shelves, they stock...

Kever--

Good move. You may well have increased your life expectancy.