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Mon 3 Nov, 2003 06:49 pm
Hello everyone! I just wanted to know what your opinions and or advise you could have for me. Here's the story, I've been friends with this guy (let's call him Lee) for only about a year. He's 20 years older then me, and well up until now he's pretty much been a good friend. After being friends with him for awhile I found out he had served 2 years in jail for stocking a woman, and I was just nieve I guess thinking he wouldn't be like that with me. Then a few months ago he started bashing by boyfriend, saying things like "he's not good enough for you, he can't afford you, he's just using you, bla, bla, bla." Well I just let all those things come in one ear and out the other but at the same time he was realing me in without me even realizing it. He really has no friends, no life, just money and no one to spend it on, so we'd go for supper a few times a month and stuff like that. I've always told him from the beginning that there would be nothing more between us ever, and that he didn't have to spend money on me all the time because money isn't everything. I just thought he needed a good friend, someone to talk to, hang out with. I helped him renovate his house and stuff like that aswell, just to help a friend out kinda thing. Then my b-day came around last month, he bought me a cell phone. It's not in his name or anything, completely mine, but 2 weeks ago he called me and I was with a girlfriend(lets call her carol) of mine who is also his friend.(He treats her the same way) Anyway, I let her answer my phone and he wanted us to help him move furniture but we said no. He hung up on her and then later phoned me at 5am, left me a message freakin out saying things like I use him, and that I'm the same as Carol, and I have no goals in life and he wants the cell phone back, plus many other choice words. So since then I haven't been taking any phone calls from him but he's still leaving me threatening, harassing messages, and always mentions the phone. I know that if I give back the phone he'll just ask for something else and so on, so I don't think I should have to give it back. It was a present in the first place. He drives by Carols house and my house everyday. Now I'm afraid of going anywhere in case he runs into me. My boyfreind wants to beat him up and the whole situation just sucks. Sorry for all this long babbling, I'm just trying to clear my head. If you have anything to say here please do.
Give back the cell phone, but mail it to him.
Kerver--
While you dearly love the convenience of the cell phone, it comes with strings--strings that lead to a very unpleasant man. If you want to cut loose from this guy, send back the cell phone.
Obviously, he doesn't understand a "just friends" relationship. He gives you a cell phone--and figures that he's bought your life (Carol, your boyfriend, your 5 a.m. times).
This guy has years of game playing experience that you don't have. He has an unhealthy need to control. He'd love for your boyfriend to beat him up--and he'd do his damnest to be sure that your boyfriend did time.
Return the cell phone. End the relationship. Then the next time he contacts you, tell him not to contact you. If/when he does, talk to the police.
I don't know how much he's "given" you--or how many material conveniences you'll have to return, Consider, Kerver, are you for sale?
Good luck. Let us know what happens.
Yes, by all means, send him the phone!
I suggest you return that and any other gifts he has ever given you.
He sounds scary. Give him back his phone and watch your step.
RUN LIKE THE WIND RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for all your comments. Just to update you: Well the cell phone which is in my name is at the place Lee bought it from getting fixed, but they won't give it to me anyway, they say because lee has the receit for the phone that means it's his, even though it's still in my name, but ohwell, I changed my phone # today, so we'll have to wait and see what happens next.
Just so you know the phone was an attachment for him. It was a way for him to have to see you or talk to you.
its a good thing he got it! look at it that way
Well things are very different now again. The phone company phoned me back and told me the phone was indeed mine, so I went and picked it up a couple days ago. He phoned my sister and bro in law and told them that he had went to the police and they were looking for me. I didn't actually beleive that he went to the cops but I decided it was time to go to the police myself anyway. Turned out he hadn't contacted the police. My bf had to make a statement today and while he was there lee was also there making his statement. They can't do too much for me right now, there waiting to put together all the evidence and what-not, but it is looking good for me as he has had past charges and things before.
why didn't you return the cell phone he gave you to him? you could have mailed it. it does not matter it is 'officially' yours.
Yes dagmaraka, that is very true, but i know if I was to give him the cell phone he would just harass me about something else, and something else...etc. I'm not saying I have a whole bunch of stuff he gave me because i don't. But thats just the way he is. He'll just find something.
I'd give him back everything he gave me.
Accepting the phone was either stupid or naive.
Keeping it once you realized what was going is simply stupid.
I agree with Beth. Put everything he gave you in a box and simply mail it right back to him and he'll have nothing left to hold over your head. If you hold on to these things, it looks like you may actually enjoy the attention. If the man was already in prison for stalking, then he may oviously be dangerous, so just give the stuff back and cut the cord before you get yourself hurt!
"possesion is 9/10 of the law"
We're not talking about the law, we're talking about your safety and harrassment. The guy gave you the phone along with other things, which guys do when they are interested in a relationship with someone and any intelligent person that wasn't interested in getting involved romantically wouldn't have accepted the gifts in the first place. Since you accepted the gifts you led the guy on and now he's pissed because he feels you took advantage of him. Smell the coffee!
In your origional post you stated that this guy bashed your boyfriend saying he was no good, etc... and you should have known then that you couldn't simply be friends with this guy. You should have ended the friendship right then and there, but since you didn't, you brought this all upon yourself. Everyone makes mistakes in life, but you have to see your mistakes if you are ever to learn from them.
Hmmm... I think kerver made some unwise choices, no question, but when it gets whose fault it is... it's the guy's fault for acting like such a jerk, period. Like the fact that the flimsiest, sheerest, shortest dress worn on the darkest, most isolated alley still doesn't make it the woman's fault if she's raped. She acted unwisely, but that doesn't give the guy license to stalk/ harass her.
That said, kerver, as much as it sucks that you are in this situation, you have some measure of power over the outcome, and severing all ties or excuses for ties are the way to exercise it. Get rid of the cellphone, stat.
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