how can you handle a man who had sex with another girl ???

My inclination would be to not handle him anymore; I'd go for a new brand, as this one, seemingly has some major defects, Wynndela. Return it to the dealer and tell them that if they can't produce a better product than what you got, you'll have to seriously consider taking your business elsewhere.

But remember, I'm not there!

The reason I say this is that I find it's extremely odd that someone who is in such a committed relationship, someone who already has a son with you and another child on the way, should need the attention of another in such quick fashion. Love/commitment doesn't end simply because there are some problems.

Having said all that, there is a chance that you can still work things out with this lemon. But it'll take some work on your part and his.

I could tell you that it isn't important just because you are pregnant with one and have had another with him, but I won't. What I will tell you is that it isn't the overriding concern.

Don't take the product back just to get the product back. Try to keep at least one eye on the long run. Will this product really stand up to the years of trial and tribulation that occur in all marriages/relationships?

Will you just have to junk this one a few years down the road? Some tough choices that only you can make.

Good luck, Wynndela.

@JTT well he told me its my fault because i didnt consider him as a family coz' i listen to my family coz' he was hurtin me b4 wen i was pregnant with r first child n i told my family about dat n dey told me not to stay with him anymore but u know wat i really love this guy thats y i came back to him again n for this i know my family r really mad at me coz i came back to him n now wer tryin to work things out just for the sake of my children n one more thing he even say dat r first child is not his its his friend but he wants my son i think he is just crazy.... well thanks for the advice n I hope things will work out pretty well ill just update u on wats going on ok thanks a lot!

Cut. him. off.

Joe(make sure he pays every nickle of child support)Nation

If you mean physically hurting you, abusing you, then I'd have to say it's time to move on, my dear.

Write down, for yourself, all the good things and all the bad things about this man. Try to set aside all your feelings and ask yourself, as HONESTLY as you can, will it work in the long run? will he make me happy? will he do what a father and husband needs to do?

Loving somebody doesn't mean that that's the person you should spend your life with.

Again, good luck, and remember, our advice might not amount to a hill of beans. You the one who's there, you're the one to has to think things thru and make the decision.

thanks for all ur advice guys

Any man who tells you it is your fault that he violated the terms of your relationship (you obviously believe in fidelity) is a child. Do not wait for him to grow up because he won't. Do you have a friend or family that you can move in with?

Hold on a second. Why is it his fault? As wyndella wrote:


So wyndella tells this guy that she's through with him and is never coming back, at which point he hooks up with some other woman. But somehow that's unfair to her because she still loves him? Give me a break!

They're in a relationship and have kids, but they're not married, and apparently both of them think that this relationship can be cancelled on short notice (she can leave him at any time, he can cheat on her). Frankly, they both need to grow up. He needs to understand that his responsibilities extend beyond his relationship to wyndella, and she needs to understand that, for the sake of the children as well as her relationship with him, she can't simply solve their problems by walking out and declaring that she won't come back.

I doubt that we have all the facts, Joe, and as a lawyer and a person of considerable thought, you know that things are always more complicated than they appear at first.

People in relationships say some dumb things sometimes, but for any individual, the male or the female portion, upon hearing something spoken in anger, to run out and start boinking the first person that comes along doesn't say much about their degree of commitment.

This isn't a pointed defense of Wynndella, for again, we don't know all the facts, all that was said, how it was said, the length of time from what was said to the boinking.

It's tough being Dear Abbie.

I was commenting on this:

@JTT well he told me its my fault because i didnt consider him as a family coz' i listen to my family coz' he was hurtin me b4 wen i was pregnant

Why shouldn't he have sex with whoever he wants, when you clearly said you weren't coming back to him?


separate question, why do you type out out "dat and dem" when, even though you might pronounce them that way, you very well know the words are spelled "that and them"?

'Cuz that's the way she's chosen to write them, Chai, just like it's the way i chose to shorten 'because'. There's nothing wrong with that, a-tall. I don't see you getting on OmSig's case for his spelling.

@ chai i just want to write those word in short ok i know the spelling of every word but its just dat like writing in a txt msg u know...dont u txt anyone if i may asked??? n for everyone that responded to this topic thank you so much for all your advice and now we're both hoping it will be ok in the long run for the sake of r children....

How about answering this first question I asked?

coz i told him that coz' i have my reason one reason is to finish university back home i was planning to take up nursing coz' its more cheaper back home than here and back home i got someone who could help take care of children..... and u know what chai probably your the same as my partner coz' i think u did like what he was doin or did that he had sex with another girl so thats y your tellin all this things eh am i right chai???? u have your opinion so thanks for that ok!!!!!

@chai maybe ur the girl that my partner had sex with thats y your so defensive of him eh???? hahahahah!!!!!

@chai plus that girl is tellin me that me n my partner r not together anymore??? i dont think so if where not together how come his still coming home to my place and still wer having GOOD FUN KINKY SEX huh??? is taht u call not together anymore to two persons?????????

Good morning Wyn. Don't know why you are all over Chai for asking a simple question. You seem to be ticked at your man friend for having sex with someone else AFTER YOU TOLD HIM YOU WERE THROUGH WITH HIM? Now you want to know how to handle it and all Chai did was ask why you would be upset at his actions when you are the one who cut him loose, so to speak. So there is either some confusion in how you presented the situation, or you somehow believe that he should have stayed faithful to you after you told him you two were through. Can't you see the confusion here?

Because he can.

Exactly!

It should be patently obvious to our original poster that having sex does not mean this man is emotionally committed at all!!!