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Single mothers

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au1929
 
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 08:23 am
It seems that every time I read a story in the newspaper about a women It turns out that she is a single mother. What happened to the sacrament of marriage? Has it becoming outmoded? Are the only people interested in marriage gays? They are fighting to legitimize marriage while many of the rest are attempting to cast it aside.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 4,523 • Replies: 62
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roger
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 08:46 am
Interesting comparison, au.
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grottomaster
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 08:53 am
The single mother thing is two-pronged:
1. The media (bless their hearts) love to latch on to single mother stories so what you see along these lines are somewhat skewed from reality, and,
2. My generation (The Woodstock bunch), did a really crummy job of raising our kids who now make up the bulk of "single mothers." We ignored whatever obligations we may have had in spending time with our kids to explain to them how a civilized society moves progressively forward to better itself. Life was all about US, not our kids.
I see a recent turnaround, though, in the single mother thing. At least in the midwest, many youths seem to be looking to connect with traditional values which includes marriage and staying married by putting some effort into the process.
...if all that comforts you.
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au1929
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 09:03 am
grottomaster It is also being sold by celebraties. Half the actresses in hollywood seem to be single mothers. A good many without the sanctity of marriage. Perhaps we should call it the rabbit generation?
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JoanneDorel
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 09:10 am
Men it seems are often relcutant to marry the women and support the children they produce. Most of my daughters life her father was absent and non supportive.

At the time in our society I think most single moms are the victims of single mom families and absent fathers so in my opinion it only follows that they would not want or think the need a man to raise a child. It is sad I beleive But I do understand.
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au1929
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 09:25 am
JoanneDorel
I understand the predicament of women who have children and are abandoned by their spouses. However, not those unmarried who have children. They it would seem misfortune upon themselves.
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grottomaster
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 09:38 am
au1929, you're exactly correct about the celebrities. And a more brainless, rotten bunch of out-of-control egos I've never seen the like of.
Another thing, men don't always cause the single mother situation. I know plenty of women who have up and left their husbands and often the kids too. My cousin did this. She said her husband was "boring." (!?!)
It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 09:41 am
au, men can't use birth control?
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au1929
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 09:53 am
sozobe
Quote:
au, men can't use birth control?


Sure they can but the fact remains that women still control the situation and are the ones left with the little package.
I should note that many times these women have more than one "accident". I feel for the children but not for the women. Unmarried ones that is.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 10:15 am
I don't think it should be only the woman's responsibility. I'm sure there are cases where a woman lies, says she's using birth control and isn't, but I really doubt that makes up any kind of significant percentage.

I agree that unplanned pregnancy and its offshoots can be really unfortunate, but disagree that its all the woman's fault. Not all the man's fault, either.

Dan Savage had a great response in a recent column about the man's role in family planning:

Quote:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months now, and we have always been very sexually active. (And responsible, too.) Unfortunately, Dan, my boyfriend has been under the impression that if I were to accidentally get pregnant, I would be willing to have an abortion. Recently, we talked about it, and I told him that abortion is not an option for me?-that if I do get pregnant, I'm going to keep the baby. Now he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore! What do I do, Dan?
Sexless In Seattle

I'm pro-choice, SIS, which means I respect your right to choose: You can, if you get knocked up, decide if you're ready to be a parent. If you are, you can have the baby. If you're not, you can have an abortion. It's your choice, it's entirely up to you, and everyone?-including your boyfriend?-has to respect your choice.

But fair's fair, SIS: While he can't force you to have an abortion, you can't force him to risk being a father before he's ready. In other words, choice isn't just for girls. Your boyfriend also has a right to choose. Since the decision about being a father is out of his hands if you get pregnant, he's making his choice now. Knowing that abortion isn't an option, your boyfriend doesn't want to risk ******* you anymore. It's his choice, it's entirely up to him, and everyone?-including you, SIS?-has to respect his choice.
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au1929
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 10:33 am
Quote:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months now, and we have always been very sexually active. (And responsible, too.) Unfortunately, Dan, my boyfriend has been under the impression that if I were to accidentally get pregnant, I would be willing to have an abortion. Recently, we talked about it, and I told him that abortion is not an option for me—that if I do get pregnant, I'm going to keep the baby. Now he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore! What do I do, Dan?
Sexless In Seattle


That to me exemplifies our societal breakdown. Or at least roll reversal. That used to be what can only be termed as a man's complaint. I wonder if she got pregnant and kept the baby who would end up supporting the child. More than likely your tax dollars.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 10:36 am
How can she get pregnant if the guy won't have sex with her?

I welcome the guy's reaction. Be responsible, be willing to take care of a baby if that is what happens, or else don't do anything to make a baby.

And that is where I think the men need to be blamed in this, too... you really think the mothers are chasing the fathers off with a stick?
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au1929
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 11:04 am
sozobe
To me she is irresponsible. I have little doubt that she will find someone[s] willing to have sex with her. I can just imagine what the reaction to a letter like that would have been 50 years ago.
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roger
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 11:20 am
Might we consider there are certain disincentives in the marriage for men as well, of which women are keenly aware, and which involve settlements above and beyond child support issues?
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JoanneDorel
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 11:36 am
Roger you mean like how do we produce responsible adults if as children they have only access to one parent?
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 11:43 am
Hey, wait a minute here. I am one of those unmarried single mothers. My sons father and I had planned on getting married until he started using me as a punching bag and refused to help provide for our son. Just because I wasn't married doesn't mean we were not a family. My sons father was wonderful right up until our son was born and he decided that I was his property, so it's a damn good thing I didn't marry the ass. I have no regrets as far as my son is concerned and I couldn't imagine my life without him. My son and I are both very happy people, we don't need anyone feeling sorry for either one of us!!!
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Eva
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 11:58 am
Some of the arguments on here seem very outdated to me. Right now I happen to be in a good marriage with one child. (Hasn't always been the case.)

My child has three good friends he plays with.
One is from a traditional two-parent married home.
One is from a single parent (mother) home.
One is from a two-parent non-married home.

Guess which child has the behavior problems? It's the friend from the traditional two-parent home.

It's not how many parents the child has, it's the quality of the child-rearing. Ideally, a child would have two married, responsible, loving parents...one of each gender for easier role modeling. But let's face it. That ideal situation is no longer the norm. Of the 24 children in my son's class at school, only 13 come from two-parent homes, and not all of them are married.

The questions today are:
1. Is the child receiving adequate nurturing and guidance?
2. Are the child's physical needs being met?
3. Does the child have responsible role models? (and others.....)

Montana, you have nothing to justify.
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 12:02 pm
Thank you very much Eva. I know that I have nothing to justify, but I felt my 2 cents were needed in here ;-) I couldn't agree more with what you're saying!
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 12:05 pm
au1929 wrote:
JoanneDorel
I understand the predicament of women who have children and are abandoned by their spouses. However, not those unmarried who have children. They it would seem misfortune upon themselves.


My son is not a misfortune!!! He is a welcome gift who I adore!
0 Replies
 
Montana
 
  1  
Reply Mon 3 Nov, 2003 12:08 pm
Sure they can but the fact remains that women still control the situation and are the ones left with the little package.
I should note that many times these women have more than one "accident". I feel for the children but not for the women. Unmarried ones that is.[/quote]


My son is not an accident either and he doesn't need you feeling sorry for him!
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