Wow, that's sad, ragnel.
My mother had 7 daughters and maybe loved 2 of them - some of the time. I don't know why she had kids, other than it was the thing to do 50 odd yrs ago.
None of her daughters really like her, she's very negative, critical, and judgemental. Most of the time. She's famous for her backhanded compliments, like, That looks nice on you, for a woman of your size.
We go in and out of favour with her all the time and none of us can keep track of who's in and who's out. If you're needy, she's on your side; if you're independent, good luck. And that goes for the grandkids and great-grandkids, too. I don't think she ever bought either of my children a gift and certainly never babysat them, but other grandchildren get spoiled. It hasn't mattered to me for years but you still notice things like that. And my kids barely know her so they don't think of her when they hear "Grandma".
I ceased thinking of her as a mother when I was about 10 or 11... since then I've considered us orphans (no dad, either).
This is not to say I dislike her - I don't. But I don't really want to be around her and she has never 'mothered' me, so I don't feel that connection. She's just there, like an unlikeable aunt.
So, I wouldn't bother asking any of those questions. I hope my kids ask me, though.