ADOPTED RUSSIAN BOY REJECTED, IN SELF DEFENSE

@boomerang,

So far firefly has not made a real diagnoses of this. Firefly has taken up all possibilities which could have happened. Firefly has not said that it is so, but it could have been like that.

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@boomerang,

Who has talked about mean adopters here? It is only about Hansen and not about all adopters in general. Just because one adopting mother is doing something wrong does not mean all adopting mothers are bad.

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@firefly,

Quote:

If she was really concerned about the child's behavior, Hansen should have had him evaluated by someone.

The very fact that she did not do so is proof in my eyes that she is a child abuser.

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@BillRM,

Or at the very least she's guilty of child neglect and endangerment.

Aside from the moral and ethical issues of how she treated this child - there are legal issues: He wasn't eight years old, which is the cut off for children flying without an accompanying adult- and he wasn't even on a direct flight - he had to change planes in Washington DC for a transatlantic flight to Moscow. Apparently the adoption was finalized in November, so he was an American citizen, and as such subject to the rights and protections of children in America.

I agree - this has as little to do with and is as non-indicative of all adoptive parents as Arteym is indicative of all adopted children. I wouldn't put my DOG on a transatlantic flight and then trust a total stranger- someone I'd found over the internet -to pick her up and transport her to a kennel or shelter hoping that she'd make it and someone else would give her a home. For Christ's sake...
I too question this mother's motives in adopting the child. Did she only want to provide a home for someone who would conform to her wishes for who she wanted him to be? Why would you change a seven year old child's name from Arteym to Justin? Had she always wanted a little boy named Justin or something? Just as the boy seemed unable to bond, it seems this mother was unable to bond with the boy he was - she seemed to be trying to turn him into something else. Maybe he didn't want to be someone or something else. And maybe that's why he protested in the only way he knew how.

And David - a parent's job is to defend the life and health of their child to the extent that they would sacrifice their own- if needed. There are many, many more instances of children being murdered by parents than parents being murdered by children - especially by children below the age of sixteen - or even twelve - much less seven.
This mother was defending her right to whatever daydream of parenthood and family she'd concocted while looking at the picture of this 'perfectly healthy little blonde haired blue eyed boy' from across the world, whom she figured she could change into a 'Justin' and bend to her will.
The only problem for her is that when she signed the adoption papers - she made herself responsible for HIS rights to health and happiness and due care by the adults around him - for the rest of HIS life- and made herself the legal defender of those.
She fucked up all around. In easiest terms - she didn't keep her word or do what she promised this boy and children's services in two countries (Russia and the United States) to do. If nothing else - she's in breech of contract.

URL: http://able2know.org/reply/post-3963232

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@saab,

saab wrote:

I don´t know in how many European countries they exists, but I know they are in Germany.
These boxes are to save lifes.

Indeed: to save lives. That's why they aren't a "litter box" (or letter box, for posts returning to sender).

But we don't have them for older children than newborns.

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Why am I willing to believe her?

Because two doors down from me is a 6 year old girl, adopted from Russia, who is on anti-psychotic medication. This child's mother is a good friend of mine. I know what happened to that family. I know that people on the outside would have never guessed. I know that at one point they felt that the adoption was going to fail.

I'm not saying thats what happened with this family. I'm just saying it does happen. It very possibly could have happened with this family. We simply don't have enough information about what their life was like (despite the rampant speculation here and elsewhere) and probably never will.

Again, I'm not defending what this woman did but I am able to seperate what she did with why she might have done it.

I'm not against safe haven laws but does anyone remember what happened in Nebraska? Thirty six kids, none of them infants, were left at safe havens.

I also think that new mothers need to know that they can relinquish their child temporarily instead of forever as happens with safe havens.

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@boomerang,

Quote:

Again, I'm not defending what this woman did but I am able to seperate what she did with why she might have done it.

I'm not because I believe that what she did is a direct result of who she apparently is - and so tells us why she probably did it.

She wanted a kid. She got a kid. He didn't turn out to be the kid she wanted so she started looking for another kid even BEFORE she got rid of the first kid.

Sounds a little impulsive and reckless and fickle to me - and those ARE facts of this case.

No woman who has normal maternal instincts could put a seven year old child on a plane by himself with a note - I'm sorry....that kid could be someone I picked up off the street and brought to my home for two days and I would feel a responsibility toward that child to see him or her supervised, cared for and delivered into safe hands- even if I didn't want those hands to be mine anymore.

That's the bottom line.

And I have friends who had a failed adoption of a child from Russia too. But by god - they didn't give up on the girl after six months!
How much time is that to give a seven year old to adapt to a change in everything he'd ever known?
She even took his identity - his name- from him and gave him another.
This woman went shopping for what she thought she wanted and found out she made a mistake.
The child will pay for the impetuous immature attitude she displayed in dealing with him and his 'problems' for the rest of his life.

The least she should have to deal with is facing the music (which she has thus far avoided) and answering to her careless and reckless endangerment of his physical safety, if not the emotional damage and trauma she's inflicted on him.

She should be put on some sort of list and never allowed to adopt again. I hope to god she is.

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@aidan,

And I agree with you.

She should have never been allowed to adopt and she should never be allowed again.

All I'm saying is that I believe her about what she said was happening in her home.

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@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

Why am I willing to believe her?

Because two doors down from me is a 6 year old girl, adopted from Russia, who is on anti-psychotic medication. This child's mother is a good friend of mine. I know what happened to that family. I know that people on the outside would have never guessed. I know that at one point they felt that the adoption was going to fail.

I'm not saying thats what happened with this family. I'm just saying it does happen. It very possibly could have happened with this family. We simply don't have enough information about what their life was like (despite the rampant speculation here and elsewhere) and probably never will.

Again, I'm not defending what this woman did but I am able to seperate what she did with why she might have done it.

I'm not against safe haven laws but does anyone remember what happened in Nebraska? Thirty six kids, none of them infants, were left at safe havens.

I also think that new mothers need to know that they can relinquish their child temporarily instead of forever as happens with safe havens.

I must say, Boomer, that your position as set forth in this post
and in the others, is very sensible, cogent and well reasoned.
Your child is very fortunate indeed to have your caring (and well informed) benevolence.
I hope that u will succeed in safely and pleasantly controlling whatever dissonant behaviors have confronted u.

David

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@boomerang,

I'm as inclined to believe him when he said she was pulling his hair when he did something wrong.

There's something not right about this woman. And the longer she refuses to show herself and defend her actions, the less inclined I am to believe anything she says happened before.

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Let me offer this:
I 'd rather read the news story of what happened in this case
(bearing in mind that Art is 100% intact, except for having his hair pulled)

than

to read of a massacre resulting from a residential arson.

I ask those of u who most resent Torrey and Nancy:
woud u sentence them to death by fire ?

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Thank you, David.

aiden, I believe she pulled his hair. She's obviously an incompetent parent.

She really doesn't have any obligation to satify our curiosity by appearing in the media. She'll need to explain herself to the proper authorities but she doesn't owe the rest of us anything.

Personally, I wish more people would tell the media to shove off.

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@firefly,

Quote:

boomerang, "our current understanding of psychoneurobiology" has nothing to do with whether anything this woman said about that child is actually true.

Cortisol levels are usually signifigantly higher in kids with RAD or PTSD.

RAD and PTSD are associated with certain types of right brain dysfunction that are associated with certain behaviors.

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@OmSigDAVID,

David - Arteym is not, and now more than ever is in fact less likely to ever be- 100% intact.
He may look to be on the outside - in fact that's probably what attracted Torry to him in the first place- the fact that he looked so small and cute and normal and just like the son she always dreamed of having...but this very obvious and public rejection of the very basis of who he is- she didn't want a Russian boy named Arteym. She wanted an American boy named Justin...
Maybe he felt that since she was trying to annihilate him - he'd annihilate her first.
You know - proactive self-defense.
I'm dead serious.
What she did is sickening to me - on top of the fact that he most likely felt deeply rejected or unwanted to begin with, given that he was 'given up' (for all he or we know) by his biological family- pretty much seals the deal that unless he just possesses an amazingly strong character- he'll never be totally intact.
And she did it with such aplomb and cavalier attitude that as of right now - she doesn't even think she owes it to anyone to explain herself.
Did the kid ever have a chance?
And now Torry shows and tells him just how little trouble he's worth again - she can't take him to a doctor, she can't even get on a plane with him to make sure he's safe as she banishes him from her home and her life.

Yes, I'm glad no one got physically killed or burned to death - but this lady needs to take a good long look at herself in the mirror.

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@boomerang,

Boomerang - no one's adopted me and changed my name to aiden. Please refer to me as Aidan or Rebecca - it's simple respect. Thank you.

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@aidan,

Sorry, typo.

And my name uses a small "b".

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Quote:

....Baker and many other parents have tales that are way beyond normal child-rearing: Lying, stealing, fire-setting, and violent and self-harming behavior that puts younger siblings and family pets in harm's way.

Support groups are filled with parents who are living in lockdown conditions to keep everyone safe.

...."Parents " especially of older children " need to presume there will be ongoing difficulties … but preparing for that is often complicated because there are just so many unknowns," Stigger said.

Because children can be superficially charming and their disabilities are invisible, their problems often get blamed on "bad parenting." Also adding to the uphill battle: The right kind of interventions " often not covered by insurance " can be scarce and prohibitively expensive.

Joan O'Neill of Wilmette thought she was going into adoption with her eyes open. When she brought 6-year-old Alexi home from a Moscow orphanage in 1994, it was to a loving, supportive family and a team of professionals that included neurologists, psychiatrists and therapists.

"But at the end of the day, as parents, we were left alone with a young boy with unexplained outbursts who could not fall asleep without us," she said.

At the time, the O'Neills thought he was simply a traumatized child, frustrated and confused by the move. She estimates they spent $100,000 over the years on tutoring and support programs to help Alexi, who suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-met-0414-russian-adoptions-20100414,0,4803691.story

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@boomerang,

Quote:

fetal alcohol syndrome

all too common and extremely debilitating.

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What makes me wonder - and this is really a serious question - is why those Russian adoption seem to make such difficulties in the USA.

And not here or in Belgium (both countries have the most adoptions from Russia after the USA ... about 10% of the USA-number for both.

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@Walter Hinteler,

My guess is that health care, including mental health care, is much more accessable in those countries than it is in America.

American insurance companies cannot refuse to cover adopted children but they can make the policies so expensive that most families can't afford them. Or they simply refuse to cover the types of intervention needed.

I mentioned my friend earlier who relinquished her daughter to theraputic foster care since it was the only way for her daughter to get the help she needed.

It's crap but it's all we've got.

1 Reply

ADOPTED RUSSIAN BOY REJECTED, IN SELF DEFENSE

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