Dating widower that needs more time?

Really hard to know. "Early last summer" sounds like it was around this time of year... while I haven't experienced this myself, I know that the first anniversary is a particularly hard time.

But this could be happening for any number of reasons unrelated to the fact that he's a widower, too. I think he's the only one who can tell you what you want to know. Why not just ask him, for example, "Does your message mean that you have decided you're not ready for a new relationship?"

Are you comfortable with keeping something casual for a while until he knows one way or another, if he doesn't know yet?

I think you should ask him. What does "lead me down the wrong path" mean? Does he not want to see you anymore or is he telling you not to count on marriage any time soon? Maybe he doesn't think things are "going great." It wouldn't be the first time two people have different views on a relationship. You may have not asked these questions out of shock, but now that you've had time to digest it, it's time to get more details. He is certainly telling you that he's not where you are in the relationship.

Our A2ker, Noddy, used to refer often to a two-year time period for healing, re divorce and death of spouse (I think I remember that, but would have to do a search). There are probably many exceptions, but I tend to agree with her on that, for a lot of reasons.

I think one can be very lonely and want to reengage, but not be quite ready for fully moving on quickly.

engineer,

Thank you for your answer...it makes perfect sense. "Lead me down the wrong path" could mean any number of things, but I agree with you...he's definately NOT where I am in the relationship. Time for patience, more time for him.

Sozobe,
I think that asking him what he meant is the only logical thing to do. And yes, I'm comfortable keeping things casual until he's ready to move on. I truly want what is best for him, whether that ends up including me or not.

It's possible that's all he needs to know, that you're not requiring more from him than he's ready to give.

Hope your conversation with him goes well.

Seeing a widower is a whole lot different than being romantically involved with one. Sounds like he's going through the stages a widower will go through (needs to build or rebuild his own emotional foundation first). If he's backing off, then he's being wise and knows his limits.

Good luck but definitely date others. Offer your emotional support but from a safe emotional distance. I've dated widows and I've heard it advised that a 2 yr timeframe is (more often than not) advisable.

Thank you all for you help and advise. I tend to agree with you that 2 years may just be the right time frame. Like I said in my original post, we live 3 hours apart, and I think that has worked to our advantage in the past (not to much togetherness), and will now. I intend to slow things down considerably, while offering as much emotional support as possible from a distance.

Here's wishing you the best. It's always good to see/read comments and questions from people who care.

Its always good to have friends and such around during these times, but what could have started out as light hearted dating for him, might mean something more to you. I assume he knows how you feel for him, which is why he is saying he doesnt want to lead you on, but maybe right now all he wants is a bit of company? I suggest like others you just slow it down, but not too much, if hes a lost a wife, i dont suppose loosing you will do him much good either but give him time to mourn, i dont know how long its been, but if you really like him, be patient, it took my boss 4 years to move on when his wife died. I wish you all the best and i hope it works out okay!