Was this 13 year old hormones at work

its..normal to want to experiment at that age, i think we all have. im not too sure about the whole wearing your moms underwear and using her vibrator deal, but people have to learn about things one way or another right? i mean..you learn what you like and what you dont like by what? experimenting, exactly. So don't freak yourself out about it, like you said, it happened in the past, and you dont do it anymore. Besides, masturbation is completely healthy and 100% normal. What you think about when you do it, is completely your personal life. Coming from a woman's prospective, I get off by getting distracted. If Im having sex, or masturbating, I put music on so it will distract me. See, we all have our own little secrets on how we get off. You're not weird.

Thanks a lot, i mean, i never really thought about it before, and i think doing gay things is pretty messed up. And it finally hit me that i did all that stuff, and i kinda started to flip out and had kind of a meltdown for a month and counting. Thanks a lot though.

I don't want to explain, but I think you might have been doing something wrong.

Norm34atw, people experiment with sexuality in all sorts of ways. It's part of growing up and learning about your body and how it reacts to certain kinds of stimulation.

But, the fact you are concerned, three years later, about some things you did over a three day period at age 13, does concern me, particularly because these memories caused you to have a recent "meltdown" that went on for over a month. You are obviously feeling anxious about your own sexuality because you don't understand what those past behaviors revealed about you, but your anxiety is occurring in the present. You need to deal with the anxiety you are feeling right now, so it doesn't continue to overwhelm you.

Curiosity about oneself is healthy and good. You should want to understand why you did those particular things three years ago, especially because those things continue to trouble you now. This is not just a simple question of whether you had, or have, homosexual feelings, it is really more complicated than that. There are loads of reasons, other than homosexual feelings, that could cause you to act in certain ways. It sounds as though you had a generally difficult home life and childhood. You need to seek some help in finding some answers that will help you understand yourself better. When you have a better, and fuller, understanding of what is upsetting you, in the present, your anxiety will decrease.

As well meaning as the people at A2K are, I really don't think that anyone here can give you the answers you are seeking, mainly because we don't know you well enough to do that. We know next to nothing about you, except that you are trying to deal with some very important and serious issues in your life regarding your sexuality. You deserve to have these issues considered by someone in a serious manner, and in a confidential setting.

My suggestion would be that you meet with the school psychologist at your school and tell that person the information you've revealed here, as well as what you went through during your meltdown, and what you are still feeling. Be as open as possible, so that the psychologist can really get a sense of all the things that might be troubling you. The psychologist won't judge you and won't think you're crazy. But it is very likely he or she will help you to understand yourself better and to get the past into some better perspective so that it will make sense to you at this point in your life. Everyone goes through a stage of self doubts, and questioning themselves, particularly teenagers. Psychologists, particularly school psychologists, are quite used to hearing these issues and helping teens sort them out and deal with them.

So, please, Norm34atw, don't continue to struggle with your anxieties about this all by yourself. You made a good start by posting here. Now take the next step, and seek some professional advice, even for just a session or two, with your school psychologist or with any other reputable therapist. Then let me know how it turned out.

You may have the right idea, firefly, but very seriously, I wouldn't bring this to a school psychiatrist for all the tea in China. I'm not even sure school counselors are psychologists anywhere but in there own minds, and since they are employees of the school, I have no idea of how confidential they are, nor what sort of ethics they supposedly adhere to.

I am not suggesting a school counselor, or a school psychiatrist. I am specifically suggesting a school psychologist. School psychologists are licensed psychologists. They must hold at least a Master's degree in school psychology, and many hold a Ph.D. in school psychology or clinical psychology. They are bound by the same ethics that govern psychologists in any setting, including private practice. They would be expected to maintain confidentiality unless the situation involved a life or death crisis. The same would be true when a psychologist meets with a minor in a private practice setting.

I think a school psychologist is a very good initial contact for the person who has posted in this thread. They can assess the situation, offer some professional advice, and make referrals to therapists in private practice, or clinic settings, if they feel that would be helpful to the student. They are more available and approachable by the student because the initial contact doesn't have to involve a parent or issues like medical coverage. Just making an initial contact with a professional, like a school psychologist, can help this poster begin to deal with his anxieties and know that help and support is available to him.

You could be right. You have not convinced me that this is someone to confide in.

roger, are you basing your feelings on actual knowledge of school psychologists, and how they function, or on some vague hunch?

Even if school psychologists can't undertake full scale treatment in a school setting, they can certainly get a fairly good idea of the nature of the problem, offer helpful suggestions, and make referrals to outside therapists. They are probably a very good source of referrals, since it is not always easy to find a good or appropriate therapist on your own.

I think it is important for Norm34atw to talk with a professional because he describes feeling emotionally overwhelmed (i.e. having a "meltdown). He can meet with someone in private practice or at a mental health clinic simply by phoning and trying to get an appointment. I am suggesting the school psychologist because that might be an easier initial contact for him. I would like to see him get some help in dealing with his anxieties.

Do you have a better suggestion for Norm34atw?

am i the only one whos thinking this is a grown man?

nope, i call shenanigans

I don't know if you're gay or not, but you're definitely not ready to be a grown-up.

Don't eat hot dogs. They make you gay.

Whether this poster is really a 16 year old male, or a grown man, or even a grown woman, really doesn't matter to me that much. I'm willing to take the post at face value and offer the person the suggestions I've already made. If the info isn't helpful to this person, it might be for some other adolescent who is concerned about similar issues, or is going through a period of anxiety or distress about other concerns. I think it's important to let teens know how and where they can find professional help to deal with their emotions, impulses, relationship problems, identity issues, and anything else that is troubling them. Not everyone has an understanding parent they can turn to for guidance.

But, other than offering suggestions about where to get some professional help, I personally do not think it's appropriate to engage in a discussion about any of the specific behavioral details this poster has offered. If this person is really a teen seeking some advice, I have offered an option of where they might turn to get help. If the person is not a teen, and they have posted for some other reason, they might simply be disappointed that no one took the bait.

Why would i be a grown man.....

Im seriously still having anxiety over this....

The funny thing is i dont even know why.

Either way i notice my anxiety about it is worse at school but when i get home it gets better

I think its just because i have this feeling like....if i ever told the people at school what i did they would never talk to me and just make fun of me....so i feel kind of bad talking to them.

I always gave that stuff a kind of "get out of jail free card" because i was a little kid.

Norm34atw, for someone who claims to be seeking advice, you seem to be just ignoring the suggestions I've made to you. I've given you the benefit of the doubt, and I've responded as though you are actually a 16 year old who is seeking some help.

To repeat the gist of what I said before:



Whatever you did three years ago isn't the most important issue to discuss in this thread right now. What you have to deal with is the anxiety you are experiencing right now--in the present. And, to do that, I think you do need some professional help, and I have told you where to find it. If you had a toothache you'd go to see a dentist. Anxiety is emotional pain and distress, and that, too, requires professional attention.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. If you are genuinely concerned about yourself, you should now know where you can go to discuss these issues with an appropriate mental health professional.

Wait, so your saying what i did isnt the problem here?

That kind of relieves me.

But thanks a lot, anyways. If this does'nt go away by itself, i may go see a mental health guy. But it would be hard just because im a kid and i wouldnt know what to tell my mom if i did want to seek help, because i cant do it by myself because i dont have a job or liscense yet.

But im going to see if it can go away on its own first

But so this WAS just my hormones?

Yes

sleep well, grasshopper...