Widow Just Dumped Me

I recant. We can't let the last one prejudice the next one. Not fair to them or ourselves.

good morning everybody...thank you for your comments...at least i'm smiling. yes, he still has a key. i know where his sister lives...also i know where his mom works. he's a grandpa for goodness sake...i can't hand over a box of his stuff to them...i don't know what they would do. i was thinking this morning...that i have been with this guy for months and there's going to be this period of oh...this happened this time last week, last month, last year...etc. but can you imagine for him...first year...second year...six years later? i don't think he ever really was in this relationship...but to outright lie...endear himself to us...that's crazy. he would say "i would never hurt you"...who the heck says that...that's a part of life...but i never called him on it. "keep yourself healthy for me"...what? i told him i keep myself healthy for myself...so i can be here for a while..not to please you. about a week ago i asked him..."what if i get sick and i can't take of myself anymore...not that i want that to happen..but what if it does. would you stop loving me?" that was probably not a good thing to say in his state, but...its true. we don't know what's going to happen today, tommorrow, the future...all we can do is live life to the fullest and plan for the best. i jumped out of bed this morning and thought "what am i doing..laying here...crying...thinking of everything he promised" it wasn't doing me any good...i still have today...a life to live...my kids...and hopefully a good long future to enjoy. what he's going through...i feel for him but he's got to get through it (if he ever does) ...and if we ever do talk, i'm going to tell him if he's not ready...don't get involved. it hurts like hell and the children don't need that. lonely...need a sleeping partner...make sure she knows what's going on...don't promise her the world and then end it the next day. I'm angry...but better...stronger. thanks to all of your comments...i'll keep you posted.

Good for you Lettie. Focus on yourself and your children. You owe it to them and besides, they need you a hell of alot more than he does. It hurts now and it will probably hurt tomorrow but as time goes on, it will hurt less and less until the day comes where you'll have to wrack your brain to even remember his name.

I'd take that box with his things to his sister's place, label it with his name, and leave it outside. Why do you care what they will do with it? That's his problem. Not yours.

Also, you can advise him about his thoughtlessness if that makes you feel better but please, you're not doing him any favors. People as selfish as he is will be selfish until the day they die.

I hope you've learned some lessons here tho. Never give more than you're getting. If he knows your address, you should damn well know his. If he's got keys to your place then you should have keys to his. If he's meeting your kids and spending time with your family then you should be spending time with his. Never give more than you get.

Now that you understand, you can let go of the anger. He just wasn't ready yet.

Lots of push and pull after the loss of a spouse, I'm one to know after losing my husband 11 months ago. Some people just don't get over the grief. They get stuck in a rut. Sounds like this happened to him.

someday he may be very sorry about moving away from your love, Or he just is not ready for what you have for him right now.

In any case, you need to get your needs filled, and he just can't do that now.

Keep your dignity and box up the stuff and let someone who keeps in contact with him tell him it's going to be at their house. Then take it there.

Good luck and keep looking for that special someone.

1. get your locks changed

2. drop his stuff off at his sister's. it's not your problem what they would do.

3. get on with your own marvellous life with your kids

Immediately. Like today.

Getting locks changed runs a couple hundred bucks. Of course, that is a small price to pay if you think this guy is dangerous, but asking for your key back might be more cost effective if you think he is otherwise trustworthy. By the way, locksmith prices vary widely. Be sure to shop around.

Lettie how are things with you 2 now?
I have been dating a man 20 years older than me for 13 months- we work in the same venue.
He was widowed nearly 3 years ago when his wife lost her battle to breast cancer.
We went on holiday for a week together in the last month and the whole time we were away I could sense he no longer wanted to be with me...then low and behold when we got back he dumped me...having only booked tickets for an expenisve 3 week holiday for himslef, his 3 young children & I for Christmas a month earlier.
I wouldn't say I've been perfect in this relationship, becuase I am a tad insecure and can lose my temper quickly...
But the insecurity of the realtionship only seemed to exasperate these feelings in me.
I really don't understand what has happened and I'm quite upset by it all...I still don't know the exact real reason why he has walked away.
He has said it's too soon and he feels it's too soon for me to be at his house...even though I didn't start going there until we were about 11 months in. His wife was always the present tense- and he'd say things in my compnay which I shouldn't have ignored; like- "I think of her every day" and when I was at the house with the kids he'd remind them of things to do with her.
All the time telling me he felt disrespectful in many ways towards her for being in the relationship- but yet still willing to run ahead with our relationship in terms of planning my life to fit in with his & me letting him, sleeping with me (of course.)
I'm very hurt and very let down and too be honest I don't feel I really ever want to speak to him again.
He said he wants to be friends, then came to see me and tried his luck, told me I can not go on the Christmas holiday because we are not going out with each other & that I should delete his Son from Facebook.
This all sounds about as confused as I am.
I'm not very happy at all. I think he is an amazing man and it hurts very much that it seems he never wants to see or speak to me again. It's so abrupt & hurtfull.
I haven't really done anything to deserve the way he has treated me, except may be, be there for him which could possibly be percieved as being a walk over.
Did you work things out with your man? How are your kids?
All the best.

Whistle - Hope you are doing OK. Sorry for your disappointment with this relationship.

I wonder if he went to grief counseling.

It seems like he is hanging on to the past and afraid of the future.

So he is stuck - can't move ahead and can't go back.

Please forgive him. He just wasn't ready for everything you offered.

Easy does it next time.

Lettie, I going to make some comments that you probably won't like.

1. A man that, after nine months, won't tell you where he lives and doesn't expose you to his family sounds very suspicious to me. Could it be that he's still married to someone else or is his wife not dead? Could she be in an institution?

2. If the above is not the case, does he have a lot of money? Could his children be concerned that they won't inherit his money when he dies? That could be why they are trying to end your relationship. If that's the case, he could make his will assuring his children will inherit, not you.

Sorry to be so negative, but I smell a rat with the gentleman.

BBB