my abusive xhusband says that he misses me and loves me.

Can you please explain this a little more?
What do you mean the domestic violence org can't help you because of conflict of interest?
How is he involved in this?
Also, the counselor asking you to leave, and being upset at learning what he had done to you....what's that about?

Counselors hear all sorts of horrible things, why is it the fact your husband is the one doing it causing the counselor to refuse treatment?

Didn't he or she refer you somewhere else?

There are lot's of counselors out there utopia. Find another one.

What is the relationship he has with these people that makes it a conflict of interest? Are you trying to say he's part of one of these organizations?

Would you like to expand on this a little? Why does it make a difference? Is he not abusive? Has he not always vacillated between abusive and attentive? Nothing has changed as far as I can see.

I don't really understand what you are trying to say, can you please explain.
Thank you

Your ex was abusive. I assume that he was remorseful after his abusive bouts or at least he had a good side at times. What I am trying to understand is why you think that just because he says he loves you, that all of that past history should be disregarded.

What has he done to prove that he is a different man, that he has changed?

Okay, I get your point, he hasn't done anything-absoutely nothing.
It is good that I am writing this because it has really helped me sort through things. When I write and get responses, it seems so simple and clear. .I don' talk about these things as so many people know us and I don't want to put people in the position where they have to choose sides. Also it is nice to see the honesty that you are putting forth. It is quite simple if I can remove myself a bit from the situation and see things from others eyes. Maybe I just needed honesty and another perspective. Thank you.

Honey, everyone wants to be loved. You have learned that this man can't love you the way a man should love a woman. You're better than that. Move on. You'll find someone better because now you know you deserve better. Good luck.

I applaud Swimpy posting near alone on this. We have many threads on a2k about marital related abuse, but I can't seem to call them all up in a row without not very related others, to cite for utopia. Some people have posted wisely many times in the relationship threads.

ok, here's one -

http://able2know.org/topic/45270-1

Why did you name yourself "utopia"?

Thank you, I read it.

So what's the deal with this "conflict of interest" and that a counselor doesn't want to hear your problems because it's about this particular person?

Politics

So, are you saying your ex-husband holds some sort of office in your town?

Well, wouldn't that just serve him right to be exposed.

What is he, the Chairman of the Board of a domestic abuse center?

The entire world is not your town, which I'm guessing is small.

Plus, counselors have a code of ethics they must live up to, and not reporting domestic abuse goes against that.
There is no such thing as conflict of interest if someone has been harmed.

Or, are you just using a catch all word like "polictics"?

What do you mean by that? You're not being at all clear.

This is a small town, also judges here are elected..., for example the judges here recused themselves in our divorce and we had to get a visiting judge, he and his attorney wrote out a list of dates in which they were "unavailable" for over 6 months and our court house administrator, clerk, etc... said that there were no available visiting judges in the summer because they were on vacation. Also when we did go before a judge here which was (I believe) friends with his attorney, they spoke privately before we went in to court. Also prior to this court house would not release our file to the next town so I could get temporary maintenance as he took all of our money out of the accounts and canceled all of our insurance, etc...so, I got food stamps and we slept on the floor until I made enough money.

He is not involved in the domestic abuse center, but has been/is involved politically as well as myself. The attorney who" volunteers" said I was a conflict of interest and they even went on to tell me that they didn't even have any group sessions. Unbenounced to me I hired this office, paid them $2,000 and the attorney tried to get me to "settle" in the hall court house for $5,000, Ha!!! before she even saw my husbands financials.

Also as far as counselors or anyone else having "ethics" it seems that only if it serves them. I don't think that exposing him would make any difference and what would be the purpose.

I really tried hard to work with the court house, and dometic violence.
I went in and had a mtg with the director of domestic violence. I told her that if a women comes in and is a conflict of interest- because this is a small town, shouldn't we be given the same information as the others and could they refer them else where? She said she would get me information and I never heard back from her.
The comissioners office oversees these agencies, - mental health too, the counselor there told me to go home and look under "C" for counselor in the Yellow Pages. I tried to find out what the problem was but was told that they have funding for "sexual abuse" not for "domestic violence". So I think the same thing as domestic violence agency, she could have refered me to someone else instead of saying that???? As far as the couselor I briefly talked to, I'm not really sure why she saw me in the first place, esp. since I clearly told her who my husband was - 20 min into an hour session she said it was over. We had agreeded to 10 sessions and I filled out all of the paper work. I was stunned. So this is how it is, this is a small portion.
I truly feel like I almost had a nervous brake down, but I am glad I had my boys, because I had to keep going and getting up every day.
The good thing is, I have learned alot and feel so much better being encouraged by all of you. Today I went down and had my name changed on my license and will continue to do well. Thank you

Good luck, utopia. BTW, what country are you in?

Thank you

and in what country do you live, utopia?

what do you mean. country?
this is how the courts here are.

We have people from all over the world on A2k. Are you in the US?

Yes I am.
What do you think about what I said?

Are you referring to the counseling problem? In my opinion, you should go to another town for counseling. If your ex is well known in your small town, and if your counselor knows him, that is a recipe for trouble. Go to someone who can be impartial.