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Why do men shake hands with men and kiss women; why do women put up with it?

 
 
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:31 pm
I've been annoyed for many years at the custom of men in public settings have a custom, when greeting them, to shake hands with men but they kiss and hug women. Why don't they shake hands with women? Why do they treat women as if they are sex symbols or fragile females that need protection. Why do women continue to allow this out-dated custom?

I say shake hands with both men and women. Maybe children would also prefer hand shaking instead of kissing by non-family members.

BBB
 
Cycloptichorn
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:33 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:

I've been annoyed for many years at the custom of men in public settings have a custom, when greeting them, to shake hands with men but they kiss and hug women. Why don't they shake hands with women? Why do they treat women as if they are sex symbols or fragile females that need protection. Why do women continue to allow this out-dated custom?

I say shake hands with both men and women. Maybe children were also prefer shake handling instead of kissing by non-family members.

BBB


I've never kissed a woman I've met in public, other than my wife. Maybe an old-timer thing.

Us youngsters tend to use the Terrorist fist bump anyway - faster and gets the point across.

Cycloptichorn
Robert Gentel
 
  2  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:38 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
Hey there. Long time no see.

Where are you talking about? That is how things work in Brazil, but I always had to remember not to go in for the kiss when greeting women in the US. In the US most people don't ever kiss the women to greet them in my experience, and most women would be very taken aback by it.

As for me, I just wish we could just greet without any touching myself. In Brazil they thought I was standoffish if I didn't kiss, in America they might lurch back if I kissed. Personally I was just always fine with "hello" and a nod and it's what I tend to do unless someone else tries to hug me, kiss me or shake my hand at which point I usually just go with the flow.
Robert Gentel
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:39 pm
@Cycloptichorn,
Cycloptichorn wrote:
Us youngsters tend to use the Terrorist fist bump anyway - faster and gets the point across.


Yes, if we are to have a ritual touch to our greetings let it be this fleeting one.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:40 pm
I get hugs from women and men, I also get handshakes. I give both also.

It doesn't have anything to do with our gender, it's how well we know/work with each other.

Someone I used to work with, but left the company a couple of years ago (male) dropped in to visit the other day.
Of course we hugged, we worked well together, and liked each other.

I met someone face to face last week that I've worked with via email/phone for well over a year (female).
We hugged because it was good to see the person I communicate with several times each week.

dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:41 pm
"men" are misogynistic pigs.
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:41 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
I agree BBB. It's okay when you know someone, and like them, but it can be uncomfortable when you don't know the person. In New Jersey and New York - the one hand held, with a kiss on the cheek is traditional. They hold one of your hands and lean in and kiss your cheek. I was used to that and that's okay as you're not engulfed in an embrace by a person you don't know, and a hug alone is okay too - but I don't like the closeness of a kiss and hug when I don't know the person. It seems a mite too intimate.

And it's funny you should mention that children might also prefer hand shaking by non-family members. When we used to go to Texas in the summer, I DREADED getting kissed by one of my uncles (I won't say which one) to the point that I would hide to avoid it. He'd come in and be all booming and noisy, 'Where's all them little yankee girls - come give your uncle some sugar'- he wasn't innapropriate or anything but I was shy and I barely knew the guy - me living in NJ and getting down to Texas to see him once a year.

I would have much preferred a handshake. But I didn't know how to say that.
joefromchicago
 
  8  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:41 pm
@Robert Gentel,
Robert Gentel wrote:
As for me, I just wish we could just greet without any touching myself.

I'm sure everyone else who greets you is also a lot happier when you don't touch yourself.
Sglass
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:45 pm
@dyslexia,
You have such a way with words.
0 Replies
 
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:46 pm
@Robert Gentel,
Robert, I guess I'm reacting to watching the political antics on TV of the men in Washington, DC. It seems that if they know the woman, including congress house women and senators, they kiss her while they shake the hands of the men they know. To me, the kiss is a male power put down.

BBB
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  2  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:49 pm
@chai2,
I'm talking about the custom that when a man is walking down a line of people in a large croud, men and women, the man shakes the hand of the man and kisses the woman. This is a different environment than you describe, with which I agree with kissing and hugging in those circumstances.

BBB
Brandon9000
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:50 pm
I tend to shake hands with women and just say hello to women. In some cases, I would certainly give them a hug if I thought I could get away with it, but, unfortunately, there has to be some past acquaintance for hugging to seem permissible. The answer to your question, though, is that you seem to be making the false assumption that men and women are identical, when, in fact, they are different both physically and psychologically. Treating different things as though they were the same doesn't strike me as very smart.
0 Replies
 
Robert Gentel
 
  2  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:54 pm
@joefromchicago,
I see what you did there.
0 Replies
 
Robert Gentel
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:56 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
BumbleBeeBoogie wrote:
Robert, I guess I'm reacting to watching the political antics on TV of the men in Washington, DC. It seems that if they know the woman, including congress house women and senators, they kiss her while they shake the hands of the men they know.


Gotcha, I was wondering if you were talking about something like that, like the Hollywood greeting rituals in events like the Oscars.

Quote:
To me, the kiss is a male power put down.


To me, a kiss can be just a kiss.


Jenny Kissed Me
by Leigh Hunt

Jenny kissed me when we met,
Jumping from the chair she sat in.
Time, you thief! who love to get
Sweets into your list, put that in.
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad;
Say that health and wealth have missed me;
Say I'm growing old, but add-
Jenny kissed me!
ebrown p
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 01:03 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
Quote:
To me, the kiss is a male power put down.


Why? If women gave me a kiss, but only shook the hands of other women... I would not see this as some female power play.

There are gender differences in society. They are cultural and natural. Sometimes they deal with the real differences between men and women, sometimes they are designed to offer guidance on courtship and attraction in social situations, sometimes they are just tradition.

But what harm does it do? There are plenty of similar traditions where men are treated differently than women in society. How many of these would you get rid of?

- Dating tradition where men pay for a woman's dinner.
- Engagement rings (where a man buys an expensive gift to show commitment)
- Flowers (there is no equivalent gift to express affection to males)
- Holding a door open or offering a seat (it is rare indeed when a man gets offered a seat).
- Self restraint on language (I speak freely among men, I tend to hold my tongue around women.)

I am fully supportive of real issues-- equal pay for example. But cultural traditions are just traditions. There is no real problem here-- and perhaps there is some ancient wisdom behind these traditions.


0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  2  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 01:04 pm
actually men should demand that women shake hands rather than offer their cheek to be kissed as that would, at least symbolically, imply that the woman didn't have a knife in her hand to place in the man's back while he is distracted by the kiss.
Sglass
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 01:16 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
Shaking hands, hugs and kisses are simply forms of non-verbal communication.

I prefer the "wai" which is the Thai greeting. Hands together, head forward in a slight bow which does not involve physical contact.

0 Replies
 
Francis
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 01:18 pm
@dyslexia,
Keep in mind that women, in the past, were less prone to give the "kiss of death"..

Some cultural traditions are nice, nonetheless..
Sglass
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 01:27 pm
@Francis,
I'm afraid to ask Francis what the "Kiss of Death Is".
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 01:30 pm
I hesitate, watch for a signal, then act according to what I think the other person wants. Usually, it's a hello and a nod, or a handshake.
0 Replies
 
 

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