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Are the words necessary?

 
 
Reply Wed 24 Feb, 2010 10:35 am
I sincerely pray for the actual achievement of increasing the membership of our club by 50 percent by 2015, the year of the 50th anniversary of our club.

Are the words in bold necessary? Is there a better way of rephrasing the sentence?

Many thanks in advance.
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 505 • Replies: 5
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 24 Feb, 2010 10:41 am
@tanguatlay,
I don't know where to start. That is a sentence which is fraught with more melodrama than the subject deserves.

There's nothing wrong with "sincerely." The locution "actual achievement" is rather awkward.

Maybe something like this:

I sincerely hope that our club will achieve an increasing in membership of 50 percent by 2015, the year of the 50th anniversary.

I don't think you need to be praying, unless the club is of a religious nature. You also don't need to repeat club, once is enough.
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sullyfish6
 
  1  
Reply Wed 24 Feb, 2010 10:46 am
I hope we can achieve a 50% increase in membership to honor the 50th anniversary of the club.
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Foley
 
  1  
Reply Wed 24 Feb, 2010 09:30 pm
@tanguatlay,
Regardless of style, grammatically, the answer is no, they are not necessary at all.
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oolongteasup
 
  1  
Reply Thu 25 Feb, 2010 01:29 am
@tanguatlay,
Quote:
increasing the membership of our club by 50 percent by 2015


fancy a threesome?
0 Replies
 
Francis
 
  1  
Reply Thu 25 Feb, 2010 02:18 am
Tanguatlay wrote:
I sincerely pray..


Can one pray insincerely?

Sure, but what's its intrinsic value, then?
0 Replies
 
 

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