How to make sure she wont do this againplz help ?

She doesn't really think age is just a number or she wouldn't have spanked you for misbehavior. You spank children. I hate to say this, but you've lost it here. You were abused. You rightfully demanded an apology and were told to get over it. Now it is time to get over it by finding someone who you can argue with without having them take you down for a little physical punishment. You are twenty and there are plenty of other fish in the ocean. I don't know how many relationships you have been in, but what feels like disaster today will seem like a valuable learning experience when you find a better relationship. Time to call a friend and pack your bags.

thnx for responding.

thnxx for responding.

It aint going to happen. She clearly views your relationship as Dominant/submissive. The fact that this is not what you signed up for means that you need to leave. There is nothing wrong with what she needs, but it was her responsibility to be more honest with you from the beginning. who she is and what she needs is not going to change.

It's good to hear that it's a first. If it helps...it may be a one off caused by your comments to her mother. Many people are VERY protective of their mothers...well, I'm only speaking for guys really, but I'm guessing that women can be that way also.

As for the age difference, it means a lot more that what you think, regardless of what she tells you.

- She called you a brat - brat is a derogaratory nickname for children.

- She spanked you - that's only something you do to kids, or in kinky sex games (and you said it wasn't the latter, so it's something you do to a child)

Also, as you age, many of your priorities change, and your view of life and events change. For example :

- when you get to 40, you may maybe 20-30 years working life left in front of you. You no longer have all the time in the world to think about retirement, and you need to start working towards it

- if you want children and haven't had them, your time to have them grows shorter and shorter

- you start thinking more about how to use your time, what you want out of life, and how to achieve it (people who have a midlife crisis suddenly realise they haven't been doing any of this)

- you've learnt a lot more about life

- the topics you like to talk about change

- your body starts getting aches and pains it never had, and becomes less capable

- it becomes harder to keep the weight off

- you become more fearful (of making a fool of yourself, of not being able to do things, of trying dangerous things / new difficult things, etc)

- your prefered ways of 'partying' change.

Now obviously, all the above doesn't apply to everyone, and some points will mean more or less than others to various people. I've even left lots of other differences out I'm sure - for those are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

The point is - the difference between 20 years of age, and 40 years of age is vast, no matter that anyone wants to pretend otherwise.

aha...hm.. yea well Ok i will try to calmly talk to her about her "due to aging" issues and see if i can convince her that she might need professional help or someone maybe old to talk to ( older than me ,closer to her phase) like a shrink . i`ll try to be understanding of her more .
- *you become more fearful (of making a fool of yourself)* maybe that is why she said i was embarrassing her .
PS . she has kids ^^ ( 1 less thing i have to worry about )

thanks a lot ! that was very helpful =)

We tend to reproduce what we've learned from our parents. If her parents spanked her when she was little, instead of other forms of discipline (and she's of an age where that's very likely what they did), then she's more likely to see that as justifiable, in spite of today's mores against it, because that's what she was used to.
And, given the age difference, and given the fact that people in their early twenties are still seen as pretty much kids, because of their behavior, by those a generation older, I think that some part of her feelings for you still sees you at least sometimes as a kid, and she kind of flipped into a parent-child relationship at that point. I'm not saying that was appropriate, but it looks to me like that's what happened. Spanking is definitely a parent-child kind of interaction.

And as someone above said, a lot of people are very protective of their parents, and people from many cultures are VERY VERY protective. Calling someone's mom a town whore might have been construed as stepping way, way over the line.

So it looks like there are some issues in this relationship and this particular case, other than just possible domestic abuse, that need to be addressed. I think you need to talk to her, or have a therapist talk to her, as to how she sees you. I'm not sure this is likely to develop into a larger pattern of violence, but it doesn't look to me like she regards you as quite an equal, but rather as a subordinate (like a kid), which obviously isn't the way you see the relationship.

thanks for the response .
a new good point of view .. thanks again ^-^