How to make sure she wont do this againplz help ?

You got a spanking?

maybe your GF thopught your behavior warrented that.

What do you think? review your behavior objectivly.

This woman is old enough to be your biological mother, and she is physically abusive. In addition to reviewing your own behavior as DP advises, i think you should review the relationship. It is possible that it is an unrealistic expectation that this relationship is healthy and should continue.

thnx for ur reply . but we fought b4 and yet she never resorted to hitting me , just bcz it was a "spankin" doesnt mean its ok. . i only want to know how to make sure she wont lay a hand on me again as i really love her and dont want to leave her

correct
in order to ensure it doesnt happen again
you need to understand why this behavior occored. You need to put yourself in your partners position. you need to understand both sides.

if you had a child that behaved as you did. (I dont know what you did and said) what would your reaction have been?

"you need to understand why this behavior occored. You need to put yourself in your partners position. you need to understand both sides." exactly thats why i think her mom might have something to do with her reaction i think shez tryin to split us up .
"if you had a child that behaved as you did. (I dont know what you did and said) what would your reaction have been?"
em,,grounding, timeout? i personally would never hit a child.

So your behavior was poor?
Do you think you could conduct yourself in a more exempliary manner in the future?

if your behavior had been more thoughtfull would the hitting incident have happened?

thnxx., however i still dont think i should compare my self to a child , we are 2 grown women in love , not a mom n her child, so even if i behaved poorly which i did, and probably will in the future, since am only human and make mistakes i dont think am ok with her using such methods.=/ and it scares me that she did

Hey Anny89 - Welcome to A2K



NO -I don't believe, even if your behaviour was poor, that it is correct for another person, male or female, to pin you down and hit you with repeatedly hit you with force and in anger.

Just my opinion - of course.

If you are in a loving relationship with this woman, you need to resolve this issue. No-one should have to endure violence of any nature in their relationship if it is not by mutual consent.

Can you discuss this rationally with herwhen you are both calm, or has this incident just been swept under the carpet and carry on as usual...

If it has happened once, it could happen again.



if you are scared, then this relationship is not one should be in. Choose to live free, not scared of the person whom you love.

thnxx a lot for responding ^-^
"Can you discuss this rationally with her or has it just been swept under the carpet and carry on as usual..."
well we havent really talked ever since and since we live together its a bit awkward , its just that am waitin for her to start and apologize first since she is the one that used force to begin with .

as for " has it just been swept under the carpet and carry on as usual..." its the first time we have every experienced something like this.

"If it has happened once, it could happen again. "
thats why i think i should clarify to her that her mom made a big mess , am just afraid of her reaction and i dont mean physically.

Perhaps this is not the way your partner thinks about your relationship.

The lesson is that the only persons behavior that you can control is your own.

what you do now is up to you. Now that you have examined your own behavior you could talk to you partner. Apologise and accept responsibilty for your behavior. DO NOT accept responsibilty for the abuse. you might say I understand your reaction but disagree with the behavior. Then state your case calmly and maturely for a discontinuation of the physical abuse.

You must be prepared to walk away from this relationship if this kind of behavior continues.

no no no...

this isn't about her Mom (that was a just the catalyst to this behaviour)

this is about a woman whom you are in a relationship who physically hurt you

in my opinion, no matter what happened outside of your home to cause this arguement, your behaviour might have warranted a telling off or a major full on row with your partner... (that's for you to examine and get under control)

but it does not EVER warrant physical violence from another person - especially a loving partner

My understanding reading your original post is about the 'holding you down and hitting you, causing you pain, you shouting "no", crying and wishing it to stop.'

The Mom didn't do that, your partner did.

If this was to teach you a lesson and that you should behave like a good girl in your relationship, or she is an adult treating you like a kid and spanking you at 20 years old....

well, I don't think that's correct.

People get angry all the time, people have appalling and atrocious behaviour, often within families and where there are major conflicts - it doesn't or should not warrant being hit.




if you mean here you are also afraid that if you broach this subject of her Mom, who is obviously a part of a your partners life, and you are scared the relationship will end over it...

well, again, just in my opinion, I would imagine that you are not in a good relationship where fear is dictating your every turn. Fear of being physically hurt and fear of the relationship ending.

You... anyone...deserves to have a better life than that.

yep... what that man DadPad says...


be prepared to walk away from something that hurts you.

Well, I don't even know how to start this. Regardless of the reason why someone is hitting you, hurting you, or even doing something you do not like, there is no excuse. Yes, people get stressed and angry, and etc but that doesn't justify anything. I can understand this coming from children maybe, because they are still young and learning right from wrong. Why would her mom "persuade/influence" her to do this? She is 42, her mom has to be at least 60, that doesn't really seem like a reasonable explanation (although there isn't one to begin with). My best friend was in a relationship that started like this, he hurt her and had "never done it before" and it just kept progressing, not daily, or weekly, just gradually over time. I don't know either of you, but if it is enough for you to ask for advice then there is some sort of issue that needs to be resolved, obviously. I also think that you are only 20 years old, and being in a relationship with someone 42 is just unrealistic. I say you can do better, should, and will. Eventually you will realize this. Also, people will do to you what you allow them to do. Hurting someone regardless of how minuscule it is, is not love. Trust me, I've been in love before and was in denial of who/how they were because I loved them and now 5 years later I realize I deserve so much more (even if he wasn't physically abusive).

The two parts to this quote are contradictory. She’s kind and loving, but she held me down and hit me? You’ve forgotten to include a little bit of information out, because it’s unlikely that she bruised your wrists just from squeezing.
Sort out what was acceptable behaviour for you. Do you like being insulted, under any circumstances? How about you let us know exactly what you said to her mother?

If she’s like most lesbians I’ve met (and I’ve known a few), most of them seem rather normal, except they are prone to volatile (as in extreme/excessive/uncontrollable, rather than necessarily violent) mood outbursts.

The desire to sort things out in a non violent way comes from within, but often it's a matter of knowledge, which a class may sort out. Somehow though, I doubt you'll talk her in to one.

As an observation, it seems to me that you don't comprehend what the difference in ages means.

I don't think this woman is prepared to listen to good advice, nor to accept the reality of her situation. No violence in a relationship is acceptable, and as Vikorr points out, you don't get bruises on your wrists from just being held.

I think DP is wrong to ask how she has behaved, it doesn't justify violence by someone who is ostensibly her loving partner. There is a tenor to DP's questioning which suggests that there might be circumstances in which the other woman's violence would be justified. I cannot accept that this is true.

I have no doubt that this woman is not going to pay attention to my advice, but i'll give it anyway. You need to get out of this relationship, and you need to do it as soon as you safely can do so. Your friends are right, you need to leave her.

Sounds like there was an issue with a communication breakdown. Would your partner be willing to attend couples counseling with you so that the two of you can agree on 'fair fighting' rules?

thnx for ur respond ;

- she has always been kind and loving n this is the 1st time she has ever done smthin like this n thats why i dont think she is abusive , i have known her for about 2 yrs now.
- my wrist is bruised because she twisted my arm so i wont move , and inorder to ensure someone wont move you are gonna have to make sure it hurts them more to try and move than to stay still. she grapped my wrist firmly and thats why i stopped moving after a while.
- i called her mom " town whore" and we yelled after i said that at each other + she faked being down about it .
- i would take her to a class but am pretty sure she wont at the first time giving the fact she doesnt even consider what happened abuse and thats why i want to know how to deal and talk with her about it .
- no i dont , cuz i honestly think that age is only a number nothing more , nothing less. and she thinks the same .

thnx again^-^

thnx for responding ^^
i hope so .i know iam , and am trying to find a way to convince her that there is something wrong .

Anny ... please re-read the above that you have written.

This is not a healthy relationship, nor should you tolerate this violent behaviour.