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Thu 18 Feb, 2010 11:44 am
I have a very good friend that I have known since we were in college (we are in our mid 50's now). He lost his wife 7 months ago to cancer. I had met her a few times and really liked her. Since her death, I have kept in touch with him - cards, emails and an occasional phone call.
Unfortunately, he lives in the country and works at home. His friends haven't stayed in touch with him, but he talks to his children almost every day. Apparently I'm the only one who is still communicating with him.
Recently we got together and talked for a long time, including things about his wife, his grown children, etc. We were good friends back in college, and luckily we were easily able to reconnect. The visit went well and he seemed to "come alive" having someone there that he could be honest with and talk to. He told me that he is not ready for a relationship, which I can certainly understand. However, since I was there, he has been calling me daily and now wants me to come back and see him again. He has even asked about my favorite foods, etc. and wants to cook dinner.
Now I'm getting confused. If this isn't the beginning of a relationship, then what is it? I am happy to be his good friend, and if that's what is going on, it's not a problem. I just sense that there's something else going on here.
What is going on here is that everyone forgets you in less than 5 months, after losing a spouse. EXCEPT YOU!
(Believe me, i know. I lost my husband 10 months ago)
Good for you that you are there to just talk and comfort him AT HIS PACE.
He is hurting, but is at least allowing someone else to come into his life for a little social activity. That's a good sign.
Tread slowly and at his pace. Expect him to talk about his spouse a lot. You wil be in her territory (her home)
You will know soon enough if you think there is something "more" going on. But be patient.
@sullyfish6,
Thank you so much for replying! I think that you are exactly right. I want him to be able to recover from this, and it will have to be at his pace.
Thanks again.
I don't mean to even know what he is going thru, but here's my calendar;
First 3 months - numb to the world
4th month - big crash
6 month - crash because there is a sense of time to it all (1/2 year My God!!)
7, 8 month - cruise control, but ups and downs
9th month - where the hell have i been? Hey, the fog is clearing and there is a sun behind it all
10th month - hey, i am going to be OK, but why am I bursting out crying at the oddest times?
That pretty much sums it up exactly! Thanks for the input...
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