2
   

Why one shouldn't kill themselves?

 
 
zhjuan
 
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 09:22 pm
What so good about being alive anyway if one is constantly feeling the pain? Why one should give up?
 
oolongteasup
 
  3  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 09:29 pm
@zhjuan,
you'd regret it the next day
0 Replies
 
Amigo
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 09:34 pm
@zhjuan,
That is a very good question.

another way I like to put it is like this;

If I am at a party that I am really not having a good time at why wouldn't I leave. Being alive in this world is like being at a party your not alowed to leave and everywhere you go at this party it's the same thing.

Why are you in pain?
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 09:43 pm
@Amigo,
I had a very tough childhood where I was drag up by my mother. I left home at the age of 15 but now have made a good life for myself. I have a loving husband and child and a fantastic life style. Ironically, I am happy and very unhappy inside no matter what. I am seeking for professional help but just can't get the idea of killing myself when I am facing some difficulties in life. I am disappointed with my self about everything about myself though I shouldn't at all. Tonight, I am really feeling the pain, I shouldn't, and I am thinking about why I shouldn't kill myself...
CalamityJane
 
  4  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 09:44 pm
@zhjuan,
zhjuan,

please seek help from a professional. You have a child that needs you and
a loving husband that supports you. There is help for you, you just need to
reach out and initiate it!
0 Replies
 
zhjuan
 
  2  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 09:46 pm
@Amigo,
and I can't sleep... while my hubby is sleeping like a baby right beside me and my child is happily sleep in her own room. I feel, I've let them down to even consider give up my life, when they need me still.
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 09:49 pm
@zhjuan,
and a loser...
0 Replies
 
Amigo
 
  3  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 09:50 pm
@zhjuan,
I am also suicidal and had a bad childhood where I also left home very young. We have these things in common.

Do you have any happy days?

Have you thought about how you would kill yourself?

Sometimes I wish it was just a matter out flipping a switch like turning off the light. What helps me is somthing sombody told me once and it is this;

"Good days will come and come to pass but the bad days will also come and they to will pass"
zhjuan
 
  2  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 09:57 pm
@Amigo,
Yes, I have thought about how to do it. I haven't get any plan since I understand how important I am to my family. I should give up or I will destroy their lives. It is harder to be alive for myself though. Rationally, I know all about why life is good but when I am weak, I totally can't see it. All I can see is my inability and incapable of live my life and feel the pain.
Amigo
 
  3  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 09:57 pm
@zhjuan,
Quote:
and I can't sleep... while my hubby is sleeping like a baby right beside me and my child is happily sleep in her own room. I feel, I've let them down to even consider give up my life, when they need me still.


It's not your fault. They don't understand how it feels. you are alone. When I use to feel really bad I would say (excuse my language) "**** IT!" as a way to trick my brain. I know it sound funny but it worked for me. Tell yourself "I feel very bad and I am just going to feel that way till I feel better".

If this makes no sense to you at all I understand but it did work for me kind of like mind over matter.
Amigo
 
  2  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 10:00 pm
@zhjuan,
Quote:
Rationally, I know all about why life is good but when I am weak, I totally can't see it. All I can see is my inability and incapable of live my life and feel the pain.


Yes, Thats the feeling. But you have to remember that tommorrow it might not be that bad or even better.
0 Replies
 
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 10:10 pm
@Amigo,
I get very frustrated when I have insomnia. It makes me feeling very down. I am worry about something very small and insignificant which I already took care of it. But still, I am here, worry about it and can't go back to sleep. Rationally, I know it is nothing, but I just can let go of it as if something terrible will happen to me that I will regret forever. I worry and I feel stupid and then I am disappointed that I am incapable of handle such petty thing. I hate myself. Everyday.
Amigo
 
  3  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 10:23 pm
@zhjuan,
Stop trying to go to sleep then. Get up and do something, maybe something different. Your mind is playing tricks on you. Don't fight a pointless battle.
Rockhead
 
  2  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 10:26 pm
@Amigo,
I agree, amigo.

I never go to bed until I know I'm ready to zonk out.

it's counterproductive mostly to lay there and stew.
0 Replies
 
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 10:36 pm
@Amigo,
You just get me out of the self-destructive thinking pattern, a set of thinking that run in circles.
0 Replies
 
zhjuan
 
  3  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 10:38 pm
@Amigo,
"Good days will come and come to pass but the bad days will also come and they to will pass"
I found this commend comforting.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 08:22 am
@zhjuan,
You need to get professional help. Really. These thoughts are as if you had a virus or an injury, and you need to be treated.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 09:04 am
you need to stop looking at things so bad.
You , way deep down, must want to keep perceiving things as bad and create the bad because that is all you see and all you think of.. that validates your desire to kill yourself and fuels your ability to get attention and keep yourself in the bad situation.
There is a reward for your behavior and that is attention, pity and in a skewed way.. love.. from everyone else.

You dont need to beat yourself up day after day and continue to look so bad on things all the time to get love and attention from people. You are worthy of both with out self deprecation for validation.


yes. therapy will help you. But I think you need a real balls to the wall kind of therapist or they will stroke this behavior too.

You know there is no reason to kill yourself, but you cant let go of that thought because you have created a world where that is who you are and that is how people respond to you and those actions together equal what ever reward you are getting from this.
Its a hard lesson to go through.. but once you do.. your life will never be the same. In a very good way

i do wish you luck.
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 02:34 pm
@shewolfnm,
I think I understand what you mean. Sometimes I wish I am simplify desire for attention but I think my problem is slightly more complicated than that. I actually quite afraid people to know this is what I think all the time because I am afraid to be seen as a weak person. I can only talk to people who either don't know me or the counselor. I am afraid my family to know about it. I don't want them to be worried or disappointed by my inability to get better or worry about losing me. I am afraid of dying but I am drowning from suicidal thoughts. Though I had a tough childhood, I managed to create a wonder life for myself, a lovely hubby and a lovely child. I have everything I need, and I can't think of anything that I should be sad, I think I am stupid to do so but I still feel very sad and hopeless for no strong reason to do so. I think that I am not well and I wonder will I ever get better. Will I disappointed my family, will I make them sad, am I a burden of them. I wish I am simply looking for attention, then this is not a secret that I have to keep it to myself then I don't have to worry about the possibility that I could take their smile away because I fail to keep myself alive. I am at my lowest... am drawing.. again today...
0 Replies
 
 

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