Adolescent Angst at 36?

Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page

I have become very close to a woman in my program over the last eight weeks. We seem to have everything in common, and have developed (I thought) a very close friendship. Saturday night, after an evening of movie and clubbing, we confessed our feelings for each other and consumated things. Sunday we had a very tender phone conversation. Monday I did not haev a chance to see her, but we spoke on the phone. Tuesday the same. Yesterday we kept missing calls. Today no answer to my calls. Am I merely an idiot?
That night she mentioned that neither of us were in a good position for a relationship, too may irons in the fire, the uncertainty of graduate education, etc.... but that I was everything she had ever hoped for, and that she was falling in love with me. I reciprocated the feeling. I feel cheap and used, for some reason. I feel like I was used to scratch an itch and then discarded. Intellectually I realise that this is probably not the case, and that she is going through some anxiety over entereing grad school after six years in the corporate world, adn after several bad relationships. I feel like a stupid kid right now. I would appreciate any advice from my older,and much wiser fellow-posters.
Robert

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,300 • Replies: 13

No top replies

I'm younger and probably less wise, but seems like you can just take this at face value for now. She was definitely interested in you, sounds like she still is but is a little freaked, so just give her some space and see what happens.

If you haven't heard from her by the end of the weekend, report back. But what you say so far doesn't sound too alarming to me.

I'll now bow out and allow the deep manly thoughts contingent to bestow high-fives.

0 Replies

Give her space. Sounds like she needs it.

0 Replies

Ditto the space thing, though I am also younger than you..... Do still express your interest gently. My problem in a situation like this is to back off so far as to confuse the other person.

0 Replies

Okay. I'm older Wink

and am part of a long-term relationship. I can't see someone who would be nice enough that you'd become interested in her, saying she was falling in love with you and then walking away. I suspect she may also be wondering how you are feeling. She may even have consulted with a girlfriend who said to play hard-to-get and that's why she wasn't home last night.

I have high hopes that in the past few hours you two have connected. When you do finally connect, tell her how you feel... that you've missed her physical presence and thought about her a lot. Assuming that she continues to make signals that she feels the same, I suggest you make plans for the weekend early so you have something you can count on. It sounds like you may both be very busy and are not as available during the week as you'd like. Having a special date or get-together planned will increase your commitment to each other and help with your intimacy.

Obviously, if she isn't interested in making plans or continuing the budding relationship, then you'll find out quickly. But best of luck that she is also miserable and wishes you were there with her. <Sigh, ahh, young love... so sweet>