@farmerman,
farmerman wrote:
I feel really bad for the kid. Shes at a big stepping stone in her life and her mom, instead of providing the kid with sound roots and sound wings, is turning her adopted child into a copy of herself. The cycle of violence has gotta stop.
The really sad part is that the woman thinks her actions are fully justified. This has gotta be a joke .
I agree all the way down to the last sentence. Unfortunately, I think it's all too real.
Spanking doesn't solve the problem of fixing her grades. If she has a motivation problem because someone/something else is distracting her, you need to find that out and remove that from the picture.
Spanking open handed is one thing, a belt is not made to be a punishment tool. Use other tools to teach your daughter and motivate her to want to do the right thing. (study well, turn in her homework, attend class, be punctual etc.) Yes, spanking her this time may have given you temporary results in her grades, but that is not addressing the root of the problem.
CPS will investigate. Your best bet is to make it appear as if you have HER best interest at heart. Punishment should fit the 'crime' What is your plan if her grades go down again?
@mm25075,
mm25075 wrote:
Spanking doesn't solve the problem of fixing her grades. If she has a motivation problem because someone/something else is distracting her, you need to find that out and remove that from the picture.
Spanking open handed is one thing, a belt is not made to be a punishment tool. Use other tools to teach your daughter and motivate her to want to do the right thing. (study well, turn in her homework, attend class, be punctual etc.) Yes, spanking her this time may have given you temporary results in her grades, but that is not addressing the root of the problem.
CPS will investigate. Your best bet is to make it appear as if you have HER best interest at heart. Punishment should fit the 'crime' What is your plan if her grades go down again?
Yeah; hitting was bad enuf;
weapons shoud not be employed except in self defense.
David
I see I haven't replied, though I have in my mind to many posts.
I've not been a primary parent but I've been a rescue aunt. Luckily my niece was never battered. Abandoned and much else, with me stepping up part of those times, into the years of the foster parents because of a false accusation (which the mother admitted to me a long time later) but those are different tangents. I never yelled at my niece. People on a2k might be surprised that I am an oasis of calm for her. She is twenty two now and we can talk for hours. She is still reactive re her upbringing and I flail at what I could have done more.
I don't know, as none of us do, the amount of belting that has gone on in this situation of this poster. I do know the difficulties (or I think I do) with foster parenting at this age of the daughter. I do figure the daughter has had some steely rule rigorous parenting.
If ever there were a family that should get a clue, and might learn from it, this is one.
It must be hard to change behaviors along with points of view, re things like righteous belting. I'm glum about that.
While I welcome cps looking at this case, I'd like this family to learn more in a less hard way, but I'm not aware of any likely sites for that.
@ossobuco,
Oh, by the way, I don't care if the father smoked pot in 1999.
Now we have some semblance of legibility if not practicality.
Quote:My 12 year old step daughter got mad at me after I spanked her with a belt on her bottom because she lied about doing good in school and hid progress reports for 6 weeks. The next day she went to school and told her teacher. The teacher called CPS. We have never had any allegations against us regarding the kids or anything else. Me and her dad have steady jobs and have had full custody of her since she was 5. They have gone so far back into our past. I and her dad have been together for 9 years. We have a 7 year old together. Our kids go to school everyday. When the 12 year old does her work she makes great grades. Our 7 year old makes straight A's. Our kids don't get sick often, hardly miss school, and never have bruises. The 12 year old is a black belt in karate and our little one is a green belt. We use all kinds of tools as discipline. Spanking with a belt is a last resort and not a punishment, but a consequence.
CPS said they found a report that was files in 99 on her dad and her mom for pot smoking. We were not even together then. He has not had anything on his record since he has been with me and a cop did not even come to there door in 99. I am so scared. He has to take a drug test, and cps doesn't tell you much. I am so mad at our 12 year old but, love her so much. I am most afraid to loose them both but even more afraid of what this is going to do to my 7 year old. CPS has gone up to both of there schools to talk to them. I and her dad have been to the CPS office to talk to them. A police officer came to our house. She can not spend one day in there custody. Anything could happen to her. I am an awesome mom and always put my kids first. What do we do? How do I make them go away?
People used to think it was necessary to "spank" adult members of the community, military trainees, and prisoners. In some countries they still do. In our country, it is considered sexual assault if a person over the age of 18 is "spanked", but only if over the age of 18.
For one thing, buttock-battering can vibrate the pudendal nerve, which can lead to sexual arousal. There are multitudinous other physiological ways in which it can be sexually abusive, but I won't list them all here. One can use the resources I've posted if they want to learn more.
Child buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:
Child buttock-battering (euphemistically labeled "spanking","swatting","switching","smacking", "paddling",or other cute-sounding names) for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.
Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.
I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.
There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,
NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.
Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit Edit [Moderator]: Link removed.
Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:
American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
Center For Effective Discipline,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.
In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.
@GOD IS FIRST,
Spirit of the law or letter of the law?: The vast majority of professionals agree that child buttock-battering isn’t healthy. A marginal few (mostly religious fundamentalists as those at Calvin) think that child bottom-slapping is good. They use the same selective literalist interpretation of the Bible as was used to justify “witch”-burning, depraved torture methods for those accused of sin and heresy, slavery, racism, wife-beating, oppression of women and a host of other social ills.
