SAVE ME FROM CPS

Lying and hiding things is a cry for help. Beating children leads them to use violence in their daily lives to make themselves feel more powerful. Like it makes you feel more powerful. You say you've hit her before and apparently she is still doing bad things, that is because hitting does not work to control people. Children emulate their parents way of solving problems - you have taught her violence is a good way to make oneself heard.

No, but it's the job of a parent to give teach their children good judgement. Beatings don't do that. Sitting down (perhaps with an experienced counselor) and talking about why she makes bad choices is the best way to start.

+ =
"Cognitive Dissonance" for you or them ?

Hitting with a belt is beating. Whether it's on the bottom or not is immaterial.


That is immaterial.


Yes.


You chose to bring yourself here.


I hope that you have been falsely accused. You've admitted that the accusation was not false, however.


I think you're mistaken on what it means to be in a free country. Harming others violates the social contract, which means you are not free to do so.

Did that many times. Any other suggestions.

I put my kids first before myself and everything but God. I put God before everything.

You seem to be under the impression that you teach a kid a lesson and that's the end of the issue.

Sorry to inform you, but every time you talk to your kid you're parenting her. Every interaction. Every action. Every promise kept. Every promise forgotten. Every little white lie.

She's seen her dad using drugs, apparently. What lessons has she taken from that?

Where did she learn that hiding one's problems is a good idea?

maybe try putting your kids ahead of everything, i'm sure god would understand, if he doesn't, then maybe you need to rethink the whole god thing

GOD IS FIRST wrote:
Would you rather I scream and holler and lock her in her room.
Yes.

Well I think screaming and yelling and locking your kid in her room is abuse. Also what I meant by this is a free country is you have the right to your opinion.

The one that said, "love others as you love yourself"?

Good job doing that by hitting your kid.

No one said her Dad was or has ever used drugs. He does not !!! I said they are drug teating him for no reason. Can you not read? I said he will pass it.

God says to put nothing or no one before him. If not for him I would not have my children. I love God so much mainly because of my children.

Are these the other "resources" you mentioned? Is this what happens before the "spankings" start?



You said the last time was 6 months ago..... when was the time before that?

This kid's gone through some serious stuff -- an unfit mother, a pot smoking father, a big custody fight, a step mom who hits her with a belt.

Counseling is a great idea.

You said he used them in '99.

I don't get the impression from the teachings of Jesus that he would recommend hitting anyone (child or adult) to make them bend to your will. Jesus believed that through words, demonstrations of forgiveness and love he could change individuals and thus the world. Of course, when he acted up the Romans resorted to violence. Who do you think was correct?

I have only gotten through 1/2 way down page two and I am going to explode.

Yes . Yes people, we ALL have said how we feel about spanking. But why is everyone continuing to throw stones now?
Wasnt the original question how to handle or what to do for CPS?

Sorry but.......... I have to graze over this situation for privacy reasons..
I used to have to listen to a very abusive household. Day in. Day out. sometimes until 5 in the morning with the parents fully expecting the abused children to go to school in the morning.

I called CPS
More than once.

Not once did I see police investigating.

I went to the school and talked to the therapist/counselor
Again.. no police.

This makes me wonder how many reports and how often you are being reported? If there is a track record, honey there is a bigger problem than you are admitting . Or maybe you just dont see it?

and.. I have to say that I am worried about one point.
That you measure 'abuse' and 'punishment' by leaving marks. An abused child does not always have marks. Im not CALLING you an abuser, I am just saying marks are not a good indicator of what is going on at home. And if you want to use that statement to defend yourself, it makes you sound like a harsh parent. Again.. Im not saying you are! Really! Im just making a point.

My advice, if what you said is exactly how it happened, why are you not calling police and services INTO your house to help bring this to an end?
Why are you letting THEM make the decisions and movements?
You could have a family therapist
You can call CPS .
You can go to her school.

you can do a lot right now to counter act this.
If you are innocent, being passive is not the way to go.
I would think that you would do better by beginning your own network of sorts of people to see you, talk to you, talk to your daughter..etc.etc

At 12, i was one pissed off little girl.
Hauled off and punched my mom.
My mom was VERY heavy handed. I hated her for it. I ran away at 14 and did not come back home until I was 20. And as an adult I know that her form of correction was a MAJOR part of why I was sooooo pissed off.

Flipping that coin over...
Now as a mother to a 5 year old, I know that I dont have to use physical correction to get my daughters attention, but I know there are times that it calls for that.
Sorry. It just does.

She ran away from me giggling once in a Target parking lot . After I just told her not to do that. I slapped her on her behind. Hard. I was yelling at the top of my lungs deliberately reacting in a very extreme way. She did not get the danger of moving vehicles. Ohhh She does now.
Never again. She GOT that point.

There are times when we as parents have to be extreme in our reactions. Honest parents know this. In each persons house hold the extreme reaction is going to be something different, but we all have that 'extreme' line we rarely hit. If this is yours, you need to work on proving yourself.
Start with a family therapist.
If there IS an anger issue on your half, they will help you find it.
If there IS an anger issue on your daughters half, again, they will help you find it.
They can tell you what to do from here.

Might be why things are going wrong in your house.

As a parent, nothing should come before your children. Not even your religion.
When you choose religion first, you try to create your family and your children in the light of your interpretation of your religion and dont allow them to be the people they are.





just a thought.

I have already eaten these words.
totally

Beating your kids to show control is n act of desperation. It doesnt work and will result in you losing her confidence, trust, and love. You decide, but in my mind what you did was criminal, so dont expect any reinforcement.
What you may be missing is not that you have this CPS issue, youve probably missed the entire reason WHY her grades have slipped.
I had a similar problem with my little girl when she was 14. She went from an advanced placement student who was readying herself for early college admissions ,Then she just toppled from the perch and became the "kid from hell". It turned out that she was being Svengali'd by an older boy who was into drugs.

Stop worrying about yourself, pledge to stop beating her, get back on the track as a parent, and try to find out why she's giving up.
Ill bet that a boy with marijuana is behind it all.

Beyond that, this is just part of kids behavior.
At 5 my daughter has snuck candy into her room, hidden broken crayons etc..

I expect her to do this all her life until later in her teen years when she can finally comprehend self control and begins to live in her own self power.
I really do not believe that 100% honesty is a concept people under the age of 15, maybe even older, can comprehend or even live. they are too active in the emotions, fantasy/reality still blur.