You are a [blank] kind of person

thoughout my life experiences, I have remained cranky.

I have always been a positive kind of person. Being brought up singing, constantly singing, I still sing to myself, humm like a bee. When something uncomfortable (or worse) is happening, I start singing. My husband was a musician all his life - playing his coronet, singing in choruses, quartets, groups of all kind, but he doesn't sing around the house, in the shower, nowhere. At times he seems depressed, wish he would just sing or do something.

When I'm feeling pain of any kind - anything from the dentist to an operation to dangerous or claustrophobic situations, then I breath very deeply into my belly, slowly. Most people have some one thing that they do to revive a positive feeling about frightening or emotionally painful situations. Recently, I discovered I've been lied to for many years, and now I see that things have not been as I've thought. It involves best friends, secrets being revealed. I have a lump in my chest, a sadness. But, this too will pass. At least I know the truth and it should set me free, right? Geez, I've read the history of my world to discover truth and all the while didn't know the truth about people close to me.

Seed, we all love you and hope you will adjust to what you saw and experienced in Iraq. You are a brave and heroic individual and won't lose that positive side of yourself. I, too, think that everyone would like to choose a way to be helpful, rather than hurtful, to humanity.

I think that people are neither good nor bad.....they just ARE. There are such complexities that shape behavior. On the one hand, people have the ability to choose the way that they will deal with situations. On the other, there are genetic differences amongst people that will impact on the way that they deal with their lives. Compounding the issue is the milieu to which they have been socialized. Each social group has a set of norms.

Unfortunately, you have been exposed to a situation where the worst is brought out in human beings. There have been studies that illustrate that sometimes people will behave in a group in a way that they would not dream of on their own.

I am wondering if the exposure that you had in Iraq has left you not only confused about people, but a bit traumatized. I cannot imagine what I would think if I had seen what you did. Have you spoken about this to any of your buddies?

In my experience you talk to the ones you are close with. But you never go deep into it. No one likes to talk about their own mortality when you know that everyday you go outside there is the chance of not only face it, but find the end of it. So you say things in passing. You bring up little things here and there. Enough to where you aren't burying it, you aren't hiding it. Enough to know you and he are aware of it.

Deeper conversations of that nature are left to tell the professionals. At least that's what I did.

Interesting question.

I have not faced the awfulness you have Seed, thank heavens....I think I would just have rolled up and refused to go out there.

But...I do see and hear a fair amount of awfulness all the time at work.

Oddly, I maintain a pretty optimistic view of humanity...although perhaps it's truer to say I maintain a sense of some sort of meaning and goodness in life, and a lot of understanding of the of the awfulness.

Personally? I am cranky too. I am like the other humans...capable of great kindness and appalling pettiness and mean-spiritedness in the same quarter of an hour.

I kind of hate that I in my original post I added the things that I had seen. The post was not meant to gauge the reply off of what I have seen. Or to make you think and feel less in any means.

I am of the feelings that anything that happens to a person be it small in my eyes can still be huge in another persons mind. It is always how THEY are effect. That is the gauge which I am trying to go off.

Everyone, I believe, is born with a scale of sorts. This scale tips one of three ways. You think people are inherently good (me). You think people are neither and then prove themselves one or the other. Or you think people are inherently bad.

But the experiences that made you ponder on your views are very relevant Seed!

They are. I agree with that. But I hate that people seem to somewhat pamper me when it comes up. I'm not going to lie. I makes me feel good. The reasoning behind the pampering is because those who do it, care. That in and of itself is enough to make me not feel anywhere as bad as I used to about things that happened.

I just feel like people use what I write as a starting point. A point to gauge their feelings and experiences off. And that maybe they feel like theirs are not as big or important because of the scale of mine. That is what makes me feel bad. I don't anyone to think that their problems are less important when held next to mine.

I'll second that whole post, dlowan, except that my experience hasn't involved either your particular work knowledge or Seed's experience.

I'm a self centered, self involved prick.

I have seen that to be very untrue.