Why do YOU think he was jealous?

@eoe,

But Bill, how was he to know that I'd jump back into a relationship with my ex? He had no way of knowing that or any reason to fear it.
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You did not address my question now did you?

As far as addressing your question any male that been on earth longer then his mid twenties in your friend shoes would have that possibility in the back on his mind.

It happen all the times that a woman will one minute be crying out how her ex is the devil himself and the next minute be returning to him.

So are you going to address my question about the likelihood of you kicking your friend out of your life, even if he had taken you up on your offer to get involved with you , in order to return to your old boy friend?

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@BillRM,

BillRM wrote:

Let me ask directly Eoe if your friend had taken you up on starting a relationship at your first flirt and your old worthless boyfriend had then shown back up with a sad look on his face would you not had kick your now lover/friend to the curb for him?

Myself I give it a 90 percent chance of you doing so in the light of your willingness to kick your friend out of your life for the benefit of the relationship with the old boyfriend.

If you were serious about your willingness of having a relationship with your friend you would had been delighted at him showing interested even late in the game and the old worthless boyfriend would have been the loser.

Your complain that he did not take your first flirt up is an excused for not having picked more wisely all those years ago, in my opinion.

You really have a way of misinterpreting things, Bill. I never 'kicked' this person out of my life, first of all. You've merely chosen for some odd reason to view it in that light. Second, considering that again, this was 25 years ago, I cannot say with certainty what I would have done if my summer friend and I had become an item and my ex reappeared but I'd like to think that my ex would have remained an ex if my summer friend was even half the man I imagined him to be back then.

Your last line really baffles me because it seems you're saying that I have some regrets today about all of this. Hopefully I'm wrong here and you haven't determined such nonsense through your fanciful interpretation because again, this was 25 years ago, and both of these men are mere memories and quite irrelevant to my life today.

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@Joe Nation,

Joe Nation wrote:

That's why women have girlfriends. Girlfriends will listennnnnnnnn. over and over and over.

Joe(and never tell you, "Hey, break the chain.")Nation

once again, I'm a man.

I tell other women not to tell me their relationship stuff. I can't stand it. Makes me nuts - and I tell them. Dumped a couple of female friends the year I turned 40 as I was sick of them trying to tell me about their relationship woes. I am NOT interested (and if I have to listen and respond they are not going to like my input which tends to be a variation on one theme - dump him/her and stop talking to me about this).

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@eoe,

Sorry friend if you wish to had him instead of your ex and he gotten crazy over you going back to your ex you would had at the very least had frankly talk to him concerning his feelings toward you.

If there was a strong desire for this gentleman there would had been no cut off point short of having children or getting married to the ex at least and the ex would had been shown the door.

He was half a man? Just because he did not jump into a relationship with you at once he was half a man?

So being very aggressive is the mark of manhood in your eyes? No wonder you had a worthless boyfriend as a result.

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@eoe,

eoe wrote:

.....It was 1984. I'd broken up with my good-for-nothing boyfriend and started hanging out with this guy, a professional peer, who had recently broken up with his girlfriend. [...] I started falling for him and began making flirtatious overtures, to let him know that I was interested. He certainly picked up on my new vibe but he didn't make any moves and I was quite disappointed. But then my ex-boyfriend returned, we got back together, and all of a sudden, my summer friend started acting jealous and possessive [....] Why do YOU think he became jealous when the old boyfriend returned?

How sure are you about this part ".....my summer friend started acting jealous and possessive"?

If he was really your friend he probably got upset at seeing you getting back together with a no-goodnick - any true friend (M or F) would have done the same. So chances are that YOU somehow misinterpreted his attitude as jealousy - think about it! Either that, or he just got used to you hanging around playing doormat and missed that part - your call, but either way I'd check your original interpretation carefully.

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@High Seas,

High Seas most women can ID a man being jealous correctly.

She seem bend out of shape because he did not take up her indirect offer to have a relationship at once and therefore think of him as half a man.

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@BillRM,

Hmmmm. Either you deliberately misinterpret things and then fill in the blanks for your own amusement or perhaps you're in another country and English is not your 1st language? Either way, this event is far too ancient to argue over"with a complete stranger no less" so I'm done with you.

Ehbeth, because of this relationship, I learned how irritating a person can be who, like me, complained about a man or woman (who said women have a monopoly on this behavior anyway?) and kept going back to them. I finally stopped talking about this guy altogether to my friends and especially, my mother, because I realized how stupid I must have appeared to them. Live and learn.

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Hello High Seas. One thing Bill said is correct. You know when a person is jealous and this guy was indeed jealous.

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@BillRM,

Sorry Bill, the tack you just took doesn't sound right to me. If eoe had just plain got miffed at getting (romantically) ignored back in 1984, she wouldn't be lying about it all those years later! Not to herself, not to others - I've seen her posts for a while now and believe her to be an honest woman. I'd rather wait for her to think through the alternative interpretation I just posted.

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@High Seas,

You might be right but once more consider the half a man comment.

That sound miffed to me.................,....

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@BillRM,

Alright. I'll explain. To quote myself"
"I'd like to think that my ex would have remained an ex if my summer friend was even half the man I imagined him to be back then."

What I meant was simply this. If my summer friend was even half as good as I imagined him to be, if he was even half as sweet to me, even half as kind and considerate and generous as I imagined him to be as a boyfriend, my ex would have remained my ex.

Get it now?

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@eoe,

Get it now?
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Sorry no.............

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@BillRM,

Oh well. I just can't break it down any clearer than that. And thanks High Seas for realizing that these are mere musings about events from my past. Right or wrong, good or bad, the past is the past and lying about it or remaining twisted about it would be incredibly foolish.

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@eoe,

BillRM doesn't really speak english so he doesn't understand the nuances of the language. The rest of us get what you are saying, eoe, about if he were half the man... it's a compliment. Never mind BillyBob.

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@eoe,

In any case if you was at all interested in your friend and had a low opinion of your ex I still do not see that once he begin acting jealous why you would not have a frank talk with him over the matter.

A statement such as “my dear friend I am somewhat puzzle as you seem to be acting in a very jealous manner since my ex came back so are you interested in me in a romance way after all as I would like to know” would not be uncalled for.

Then 25 years later, you would not need to wonder what was going on at all you would know.

One advantage of having a female friend for a man is that a large amount of the game playing between the sexes can be bypass.

Your comment that your flirt with him in that light is a little odd sounding, as a matter of fact as normally with a friend you are comfortable with both sides of the sexual divide can be and are far more direct.

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Oh good. Thanks Mame.

So, anybody else? Surely there are others here with unanswered questions from past relationships, romantic musings from days of old. Share with us. Let's kick them around, just for the hell of it.

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@eoe,

Well Eoe it look like no one else in rushing onto this thread to share their stories and once more you knew why he would be jealous and you could had been the one to taken the steps to form a relationship with the man instead of taking the path of returning to a no good boyfriend.

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Dont know if it has been said or not but my idea is that he was jealous because you didnt need HIM anymore to keep you up. You were his fuel, and he thought he was yours essentially being an integral part of your life.

People need to be needed and wanted. When that kind of want is shifted elsewhere, it leaves someone feeling useless. Sexual or not, it sounds like you were a strong relationship fueled by each other. being replaced is not easy. It may not have been that way.. but that might have been what it felt like.
He may have felt like he just spent alllllll this time trying to help you get over less than boyfriend to only watch you go right back.
Well there went all his damn work down the drain. HA!
You may have also been a completely different woman with boyfriend around causing HIM to not be able to get what he wanted from the relationship too leaving him alone.

Several angles.. but only he knows sadly.

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@shewolfnm,

You know what shewolfnm? I never saw it quite that way before. Even tho' I more or less offered myself to him and it was his choice to keep us in the platonic slot, still, I'd kept him going and he'd kept me going all summer and when the ex came back, I didn't need him to keep me going any longer. I was happy as a clam (at first), he had nothing to do with that and he resented it. I can see that. But it still seems goofy and unreasonable. I'd given him his shot. He'd had a couple of months to make a move but he didn't and then was jealous and pissy when he confessed his true interest in me. After the fact. I remember thinking that his confession was too late and even feeling a bit smug, as if he'd taken me for granted that summer, only to have the rug pulled out from under him.

Right or wrong, that's where I was 25 years ago. In the trenches of the single world. Laughing

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@ehBeth,

Quote:

I tell other women not to tell me their relationship stuff. I can't stand it. Makes me nuts - and I tell them. Dumped a couple of female friends the year I turned 40 as I was sick of them trying to tell me about their relationship woes. I am NOT interested (and if I have to listen and respond they are not going to like my input which tends to be a variation on one theme - dump him/her and stop talking to me about this).

I completely agree with you.

The other day I over heard a first year law student telling another first year about her budding romance with a 3rd year law student. Lot's of details but this was the best part:

Girlfriend #1 : "...and he asked me to bring some food over when he was cooking dinner for me so I asked him what to bring and he said brussel sprouts...I love brussel sprouts! it's a sign!"

Girlfriend #2 : "That's, like, definitely a sign."

Boom.

1 Reply

Why do YOU think he was jealous?

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