@Bi-Polar Bear,
I called a suicide prevention line once, bi-polar. Got an automated response:
"Welcome to the psychiatric hot line. If you have obsessive-compulsive tendencies, press 'one' repeatedly. If you have co-depency issues, please ask someone to press 'two' for you. If you have multiple personality disorder, please press three, four, five and six. If you suspect you're schizzophrenic, wait for the little voice to tell you which number to press."
...and so on.
I think they were also located in Pakistan.