"i love you, but im marrying someone else"

i know it seems that way but those three years were the best three years of my life. we get along so well, she understands everything and shes helped me get through the hardest times in my life. whenever we need each other we're always there, shes humble and honest and so respectful.

in other words she is the best sister a guy could ask for. She is not however wife matterial for you. She obviously has not stopped looking for a husband, why did you stop looking for a wife? You know, somebody you want to jump every chance you get, somebody who drives you crazy?

He's found her. She's still looking.

Sorry for the little diversion - but this reminds me of a funny story. Last Christmas, my battery had died when I parked it in the car park and went for a walk, I'd left the lights on and as I was standing by the car I saw these two elderly couples heading to their car and asked one of the guys, 'Excuse me, but do you think you could give me a jump?' because I figured they'd be starting their car in a minute anyway - and the guy looks at me and says, 'Blimey - I'd heard these American women are forward, but Christ, she asks me to jump her with my wife standing right here - couldn't you have waited until the wife was in the car and out of earshot?
He's laughing - they all start laughing and I'm totally confused - but I continue saying, 'I have my own cables...'
And then they're really, REALLY laughing and he says, 'Cables, huh? Will you show me how to use them?'
And I say, 'Sure - all I need is a battery....'
And by that time they're just falling over and one of the wives takes pity on me and says, 'Dear - in the future- while you're in the UK - you need to ask people for a 'jump START'. When you say, 'Can you give me a jump ?' they think you're asking for sex.

Well, then I almost died laughing but he gave me the jump START and I laughed about it all the way home.

As for the original poster - if she'd marry someone she didn't love - that should tell you something about her inner self that maybe she's not showed you before.
If you're not appropriate for her but she loves you - it'd seem to me she'd bypass marriage rather than use some poor sod she doesn't love.
Why kind of integrity does that display?
And isn't integrity something (along with jumpability) that you'd desire in a mate?

No -- and I realize you're ignoring what I'm saying but I'll say it anyway -- the behavior you have outlined to us is anything but respectful. Respectful people don't jerk each other around like she's doing to you.

In all likelihood that is not fair, because a part of her probably does want to be with this guy that she has a close emotional connection with. However, the stronger part of her knows that marrying a chum is not good enough for her, she needs it all. The described relationship has its good points, but it also sounds boring and non-erotic. Some people do sign up for that, why I have no idea, as it is nothing that I would want to be a part of.

Perhaps I am being unfair, and if so, I'll retract, but I do feel that we haven't seen much positiveness in here except for the original poster's say-so. That's most of what we have to go on, but it still gives me a bad feeling and the title of course says it all -- why continue pining if it ain't gonna happen?

As DR Phil says, people don't do what does not work for them. Figuring out how being fixated on what one can not have works might be a complicated puzzle. Likewise, it could be as easy as an exercise in validating low self esteem.