"i love you, but im marrying someone else"

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I'm in a tough situation. I've been with this girl for 3 years. She's two years older than me and we met when she was married. After a few months I fell in love with her and we were together for three years. I love her and her daughter with all my heart and I will do anything for her.
When she got a divorce, I stood by her and helped with whatever she needed. Alot of problems came afterwards for her because I'm the reason she got a divorce (our affair was exposed..)
We were still together for some time after that. She always told me she loved me and that I'm her first and last love no matter what happens.
Last year she broke up with me because she said she didn't want any problems for me and she said she didn't deserve me..then six months later she came back to me telling me that she is going to remarry because she wants a good life for her daughter. I asked her to marry me but she said no, she said that she loves me and always will but she is scared of the problems that will come in the future due to the society around us. her parents hate me but i dont care. i have total respect for them but they see me as the bad guy.
we did everything together, all i knew was her, that was my whole life, its so hard for me to function without her.
She comes in my life and leaves, it keeps happening. she tells me goodbye and then she comes back and opens up my wounds and tells me how much she cant live without me. ..but then she goes and agrees to marry someone else.
me and several people have spoken with her and we all came to the conclusion, based on detailed circumstances, that in the long run it would be better for her to be with me, but she won't marry me.
At times i think she completely loves me and sometimes i have my doubts. I am willing to give her my heart and soul no matter what and I would do anything for her daughter and family. i care for them so much but i dont understand why she's doing this.
Does she really love me or is she using me for attention?
I really can't handle it anymore, memories of her are all around me and we live so close to each other.
Please share thoughts..

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@blahblahblahqs,

Dude, you're a convenient place to be when no one better is around.

I'm sorry, that's cruel. But I think it's true. You've been used, and if she came back again she knows you'd take her back in a heartbeat and so she'd be free to use you yet again.

Get out now. I am sorry for how you must be feeling and I am sorry for how her daughter is being jerked around, but leave with some dignity intact and before you invest any more time in this relationship.

There are plenty of women who will love you for you and not because you're handy to have around when there aren't any better prospects. One of them might even marry you someday. But you won't know unless you dump this user.

2 Replies

You say there are "problems with the society" around you two. WHAT are these problems? Usually, it's race, religion, economic issues, your past, her past, etc.

Something else it going on here . Please explain.

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@jespah,

Painful, but true. With this little snippet, it's hard to read the entire situation, but some possibilities are that (a) she is insecure and cannot handle the heat from family and society, (b) she is a material girl living in the material world and you can't provide the "good life" for her daughter that she wants or (c) she's not mature enough to be married to anyone. After all, she cut and run on the first husband. You didn't make her first marriage fail; your relationship was a symptom, not a cause. Stop kicking yourself, mourn some and get back out there.

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@blahblahblahqs,

Quote:

Her parents hate me. . . . She comes in my life and leaves, it keeps happening. she tells me goodbye and then she comes back and opens up my wounds and tells me how much she cant live without me. ..but then she goes and agrees to marry someone else.

Assuming that you are telling it like it is, on what planet would you believe that a person who cheated on her first husband and does this to you repeatedly would not continue to do so after marriage as well as now? But by that time you are entangled financially, perhaps with responsibilities to her and her daughter, and with no more security in the relationship than before. And the fact that her parents "hate you" is not exactly a ringing endorsement for the relationship either.

Walk, don't run, to the nearest exit and never look back. Do some serious soul searching about your own standards and code of ethics that prompted you to date a married woman with a child in the first place. I would recommend some professional counseling with the goal of learning why you would settle for anything less than a healthy relationship.

Then get on with your life and the best of luck to you.

2 Replies

@Foxfyre,

Foxfyre wrote:

Assuming that you are telling it like it is, on what planet would you believe that a person who cheated on her first husband and does this to you repeatedly would not continue to do so after marriage as well as now?

Can you stitch this on a pillow as a reminder to people who get themselves into this kind of foolishness?

Blahblah, you are being a first rate chump. My advice is to move away, do not leave a forwarding address, lick your wounds and start a new life somewhere else. We've all been where you are more or less. We know of what we speak.

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Thank you to everyone who replied. I appreciate the advice.

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@jespah,

that hurts
i just can't believe that after everything we went through that this is what she comes up with.

1 Reply

@sullyfish6,

we're lebanese and so is everyone else around us. our culture has alot of strong morals and traditions. my family doesnt want me to marry a girl who is divorced with a child. i had to put up a fight with them but in the end i won. they agreed. if we did get married it would cause an uproar because when she first got divorced it was like world war III. so i can only imagine how our marriage would be since I'm the guy her parents despise. she's in her 20's shes grown and she doenst need their approval but she said she doesnt want problems now or for her daughter in the future when her kid finds out that i was the reason her parents split.

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@Foxfyre,

i know it sounds messed up but she got married young and she was too naive and when everything set in she really didn;t love her husband but she already had her kid wanted to stay for her sake. then i came along and shes the perfect girl for me on every level and we just fell in love.

1 Reply

She's not the perfect girl for you. There's really no such thing.

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@blahblahblahqs,

I guess we all mean different things by the word 'perfect'.

1 Reply

@blahblahblahqs,

I apologize -- my intention is not to pour salt in the wound. But sometimes you need to hear the unvarnished truth.

You are grownups. You say so yourself that your parents have come around. And perhaps her folks would, too, but that is another convenient thing for her -- if her parents can be blamed for the split then she does not have to take the fall.

People who love each other make every effort to be together, regardless of the circumstances.

Here, I'll say that again.

People who love each other make every effort to be together, regardless of the circumstances.

Make the effort, and see if she does, too. If she doesn't, then you know the answer about whether she really loves you.

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@roger,

roger wrote:

I guess we all mean different things by the word 'perfect'.

For sure. It has been my observation that when the relationship is an emotional roller coaster before marriage, marriage is highly unlikely to change that.

1 Reply

Nope. It just gets bumpier.

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@Foxfyre,

we've never had any major differences between us, 90% of our problems are from family and unwanted roadblocks. ( i know trying for justification but i can't help but over analyze)

1 Reply

@eoe,

true but she fits almost all the things im looking for, every time i talk to any other girls they end up proving to me how much my girl is the one for me

1 Reply

@blahblahblahqs,

blahblahblahqs wrote:

we've never had any major differences between us, 90% of our problems are from family and unwanted roadblocks. ( i know trying for justification but i can't help but over analyze)

Please take my word for this; if she's marrying someone else, that is a major difference.

1 Reply

@blahblahblahqs,

blahblahblahqs wrote:

true but she fits almost all the things im looking for, every time i talk to any other girls they end up proving to me how much my girl is the one for me

And, you're being unfair to those other women, by holding them up against her and the history you have with her. Why not look at them on their own merits?

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@roger,

roger wrote:

blahblahblahqs wrote:

we've never had any major differences between us, 90% of our problems are from family and unwanted roadblocks. ( i know trying for justification but i can't help but over analyze)

Please take my word for this; if she's marrying someone else, that is a major difference.

And so are problems with family and 'unwanted roadblocks'. When things are 'right', there are rarely roadblocks and getting along with the family, no matter how wierd or annoying, generally is an important factor in a successful marriage.

Nothing you have told us, other than your addiction to this woman, provides any reassurance that she is the right girl for you.

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"i love you, but im marrying someone else"

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