So I was talking to my friend Dick....

Since I asked, I'll go first.

When Mr. B. was in college he took this hot chick on a ski trip where "nothing happened" while I sat at home writing checks to pay his Visa bill.

I went bat-**** when I found out about it.

But that's where I learned that I would never be involved in a relationship that sparked those feelings in me.

<inserts another confused look>

This line is not helping your cause.

thinkin' your friend should be harold, or stanley.

although there was a dude philo that mighta been the exception to that rule.

I'd liked to help you, but as so many people have pointed out . . . i don't know Dick . . .

Yeah. I know the guy.

T
K
O

ha! being in a relationship where those feelings are not sparked...aint all it is cracked up to be.

well

its just boring.

why am i not understanding this post? you stayed home while your future husband went galivanting with some other huzzy? you vowed never to put yourself in that situation again and you married him? who is dick-- some guy who your husband is jealous of?

I suppose I should have given Dick an alias!

But the fact is, his name is Dick.

So anyway.

My point is that most jealous moments are not sparked from anything requiring jealousy.

Mr. B's friend wasn't a hussy. She was a pretty cool girl who had the time, gas money and most importantly, unlike me, she knew how to ski.

Frankly, I would have been bored out of my mind had I been invited along.

What I learned from my jealous moment is that my friends (including Mr. B (what at that point was not my husband (that might have changed things))) are allowed to have fun and have friends and it really isn't about me at all. And that's okay.

My jealousy only hurt me.

My presence on A2K is in no small part because of a period of time when I was way jealous.

Let me explain.

I graduated from college with a degree in English. As everyone knows -- even me, but the degree was so damn fun that I went ahead with it anyway -- an English degree is useless when it comes to getting a job. So for several months, in between graduating and getting my **** together and going back to school to get my master's in Deaf ed, I was marooned at home with nothing to do.

My brain does baaaaad things when I have nothing to do.

E.G. was working so I was home alone. (We'd been together for a couple of years at that point, and lived together.) I was looking for a notepad and found one of his, opened it up, and found an old note from his ex-girlfriend. She'd presumably written it for him to randomly find later. Except I found it.

I went cah-razy. I knew she was an ex, I knew that she hadn't, like, sneaked into our house and written it, I just couldn't stand thinking about it. (It was a rather explicit note. Not Penthouse letters, but more than I wanted to think about.) It was really, really bad, and took a lot of willpower (and talking-down from E.G.) to get over it.

When I quit my job and moved at 6 months pregnant, much later (nine years ago), I knew that I'd have to keep my mind occupied to prevent further freak-outs (and general badness. Must. Keep. Little grey cells. Busy.). Which is where Abuzz (and later A2K) came in.

Know this:
Women pay attention to HOW thing are said.
Men pay attention to WHAT is said.

As soon as you said, "My friend, Dick" - that's all he heard.

Ignore him. Let it pass.

Ah. Thanks for the explanation. Now I understand. Mr. B got jealous over Dick (ha) when there was no reason to.

You know, I had to return to this because my initial thought was : I don't get jealous..."

Poppycock. I get jealous over so many things. If it were boyfriends, I'd be fine, that would be normal...but my hang-ups range far and wide when it comes to just about everything. I always have to step back from it, because I understand it comes from family and growing up. And it's true, it's not about me.

yeah, but you managed to divert yourself and it passed...as long as you know that about yourself, right?

I'm mostly not the jealous type (she says). Well, I've rarely had reason to be though I'm not stupid in the ways of the world. The time I did get jealous, I was correct. That's worse (end of story).

So, what am I saying, the protective instinct of jealousy is there for a reason. It just happens to have this big tendency to go cattywampus for all parties when it is often misplaced.

Osso, what's the reason for jealousy?

I don't know if reason comes into its appearance in your heart or mind - I think it's nearer an instinct having to do with fear of loss. I'm no expert as I don't have that much practice with it.

One thought he may have had was "who chooses to be known as "Dick" these days? and why? Surely his name is really Richard"