In Love With My Friend

Hi and welcome to A2K.

I think crushes are really normal in the teen years (regardless of orientation), and you're probably more susceptible to them because you're closeted and by definition can't/won't act on your feelings.

Question: have you ever come out to anyone? I ask not to pry, just to understand if you have had any chances to at least be open about what's going on in your heart (and not just by posting on here, I mean by actually speaking to someone).

There's a possibility that this person feels the same way about you. There's also the possibility that they are totally clueless about your orientation and just feel deep friendship for you. Or, sad to say, it could all go really South.

But I think that knowing where you stand with them is probably going to mean coming out first, and I think, no matter what, this should not be the very first person you come out to. Just because the emotional stakes are so high. Know what I mean?

How strongly gay are you? I know that's a really wierd question, but talking to people over the years, I've realised there's a spectrum of people :

- pure gay...mostly gay/slightly hetero...bi...mostly hetero/slightly gay....pure hetero

That's not exact wording, but should give you a picture.

If you are pure gay,then at some stage you will need to stop living a lie (for your own sake). In the end, it's simpler (and believe it or not, better) for everyone that way.

If your friends find out you are gay without you telling them, many will feel betrayed (some may anyway, but not to the extent if you kept it secret)...the depth of that also depends on if you are male or female.

'Coming out' will also help you answer any number of questions abotu whether someone is interested in you or not.

That click re the post was from me, and in this case I agaree with the answer. I disagree with vikorr once in a while, but I'm pretty glad he or she is here contributing to a2k.
Carry on.

Hey, Thanks for helping me with my situation. To answer your question, I have to my parents but never to my friends. Ive been told that I shouldnt until Im old enough and my friends are more grown up. And about the possiblity of my friend feeling the same way is probably not there. I really dnt think that my friends is the same. I just want to know how to just get over it and just feel like hes a friend and nothing else so I dont feel this protectivity. If you know what I mean? :S Thx again

Hey vikorr, thanks for also helping me with my question. To also answer your question I'd have to say I dont know :S I just know that I am gay lol
You say that I will need to stop living a lie but im only a teenager, im not an adult.

Thx again for the advice

Oh, thanks for answering, QW.

Wellll - then I guess it's kinda standard advice re crushes. They're fun, and everyone gets 'em. Psst even us allegedly grown-up types still get 'em.

They can spice up your life in the sense that they can punctuate your fantasies. And I think that anything that helps us to be gentler and sweeter to our fellow humans is a good thing.

If you feel this person (I don't know what gender you both are) doesn't feel the same way, well, then perhaps it's best to start occupying your mind otherwise. I know that it takes a while. But focusing on just the object of the crush is of course not going to help it to become less intense.

This means school, sports, work, art, hobbies, anything else you can do and think about. Diversions, as it were. If you fill your life with other things, and your mind with other things, those things will start to crowd out the crush and the crush-y feelings. Not to say that you should avoid this person -- I don't think you should -- but to have other people and activities in your life. I spent a lot of angsty teenage years in love with this one or that one. Not that playing volleyball or painting would have removed the crushes from my head but they would have at least given me none crush-y time in my life. And then the crushes wouldn't have had as much power over me.

Of course your mileage may vary.

Welcome,

As for the infatuation - mate, usually it needs to be replaced with another infatuation (that is to say, there's no easy way to just turn your feelings off).

And as a teenager the results your parents are right enough - there's time to let your friends know (it would be problematic in school). Once out of high school, you can re-assess who you want to know.