I'm not a boyfriend stealer!

@farmerman,

farmerman wrote:

Being "nice for nice's sake" is childish in itself.

I disagree, I think it's part of a social contract we have with our peers and something that often comes with maturity (though in some cases, not at all).

Evidence for this line of thought can be seen in your own desire to not be criticized (about being inordinately critical no less), and should be able to empathize with what it is like to be treated rudely.

Being nice for nice's sake is much better than being a prick for being a prick's sake. "A skunk is better company than one who prides themselves in being 'frank'."

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@MermaidVision,

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and would probably kick my ass if she had the chance and now she has just added me on facebook i havent accepted yet what should i do!!???

MermaidVision-- in general the advice is to not accept because it is her idea. Not that I know what "adding you on facebook" means.

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shes a bit of a nutter in all honesty

I can understand you saying that but I'm afraid it doesn't necessarily mean she actually is a nutter as farmerman will think it does because he is well and truly committed to believing assertions of that nature for fear of being accused of only believing in his own.

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@Robert Gentel,

Quote:

farmerman wrote:
Being "nice for nice's sake" is childish in itself.

I agree 100% with Bob.

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@farmerman,

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The young person (AUthor of thread) needs to be drawn into the world of adulthood

And guess whose task it is to decide what "adulthood" is? The Presbyterian preacher man, of course, who wants to also bring America's 50 million kids into this unspecified condition which one assumes he is himself the outstanding exemplar of. My arse.

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I raised two really sparkling creative kids and I was always surprised at how level headed and loving they turned out .

The world is full of proud parents who trot out with delicate aplomb that sort of thing. With genetics being what it is and the offspring possessing these fine virtues it is only logical that the parents must themselves be gifted in this way and calling attention to it is using the offspring to give themselves a jolly good pat on the back. My arse.

I don't know how old our delightful MermaidVision is but if she's between 14 and 20 farmerman is in a tangle which is so complicated that I fear I could not explain it without girding my whatsits for a three hour session on one post. As a materialist, atheistic promoter of Evolution as the answer to all our prayers merchandiser.

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@Robert Gentel,

Quote:

farmerman wrote:
Being "nice for nice's sake" is childish in itself.

I disagree, I think it's part of a social contract we have with our peers and something that often comes with maturity (though in some cases, not at all).

Hi Robert, I would agree with Farmerman that being nice for nice sake is childish, just as I would agree with spendius that being a prick for nastiness sake is childish.

Avoiding unpleasant conversations that need to be had does show a lack of maturity, just as phrasing an unpleasant conversation in a nasty way shows a lack of maturity. We can communicate a message that is unpleasant without being nasty.

The social contract to me is being thoughtful of others when we interact with them - being thoughtful of them doesn't mean we have to avoid things they would find unpleasant but need to hear.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

vikorr wrote:

Hi Robert, I would agree with Farmerman that being nice for nice sake is childish, just as I would agree with spendius that being a prick for nastiness sake is childish.

That statement ignores that children tend to become nicer with maturity and that being nice for the sake of it really isn't a childlike trait. If anything it comes with maturity and more social interaction as you learn the value of being nice.

Quote:

Avoiding unpleasant conversations that need to be had does show a lack of maturity, just as phrasing an unpleasant conversation in a nasty way shows a lack of maturity. We can communicate a message that is unpleasant without being nasty.

The social contract to me is being thoughtful of others when we interact with them - being thoughtful of them doesn't mean we have to avoid things they would find unpleasant but need to hear.

But what does that have to do with the assertion that being nice for the sake of it is "childish"? That sounds more like an assertion that being nice for the sake of it can somehow be undesirable if you need to be unpleasant but unless "childish" is just being tossed around as a quasi-meaningless adjective I don't see how you can support that assertion with this argument.

Children don't tend to shy from unpleasant conversation more than adults do, if anything they are much more willing to hurt the feelings of others.

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Oh come on girl. You have the hots for this guy. You are just looking for permission from A2k to tell you to go after him so you dont have to accept the responsibility for doing it on your own.

tsk tsk grannyglass

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@Robert Gentel,

Becoming nicer is good " to a point (or for many instances). Past that point (or in certain circumstances) it becomes a negative, though many people don’t realise it. It is the maturity to know when you have to have a ‘difficult conversation’ (and the ability to do so respectfully) that moves a person from adolescent to adulthood.

Some adults never learn that part, which is why they are accused of being 'childish'

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@vikorr,

I get that, but it does sound like "childish" is being used as a generic derogation in that context. Children don't tend to have a that problem.

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@Robert Gentel,

Depends on how you want to define 'child' - they go through different stages as they grow.

Adults shouldn't have the problem - having meant to 'outgrow' the problem.

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@farmerman,

farmerman wrote:

People present themselves on line for our review and inspection.

That is what this site is about? Your review and inspection. Maybe then the site should be re-named.

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@farmerman,

farmerman wrote:

People present themselves on line for our review and inspection. All I have of that persons personality is blatant narcissism. I call em as I read em, nothing more. As far as being undeserved, not reall, Harsh , maybe.

There's still constructive review and then much less so. You essentially called the kid a slang for whore (among other unflattering things), and I for one think that was a bit over the top. There are much more constructive ways to give that feedback even if it's your conclusion about the person.

I also note that it is odd that you feel that others are subject to "review" but balked when review came your way. Folk who "call it like they see it" often object to when others do so in return.

1 Reply

@Robert Gentel,

Robert Gentel
I have seen sides of you that I didn't think were possible. You continue to amaze me. Even though it may not mean much to you, it means something to me.

I'm not a boyfriend stealer!

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