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Tue 25 Aug, 2009 12:27 pm
What are your trade secrets for getting along with your spouse?
You know things like cars, holidays, finances, clothes, time apart, time together, talking too much, talking too little, too much sex, not enough sex, sleeping together, sleeping apart, kitchen protocol, housecleaning, shopping, bill payments, yard-work, friends, family, pets, health, etc.
For me & Mrs. Chumly, many of the above things can conspire to cause frictions I would rather avoid, but because Mrs. Chumly is a Type A Personality it seems hard to avoid what I would consider needless conflicts.
There's just the two of us (plus a few pets) in a 4,000 square foot house on a 1/2 acre so it's not the logistics of confined spaces; but for us to both want the same thing, at the same time, in the same way without conflict prior to resolution, seems too often out of reach.
@Chumly,
First, decide together which of you is the boss.
Then, do whatever she says.
@Joeblow,
Quote:First, decide together which of you is the boss.
Then, do whatever she says.
I don't know for sure, but somehow I get the feeling that Chumly doesn't have the sort of personality that can roll with that.
@Joeblow,
Joeblow wrote:First, decide together which of you is the boss.
Then, do whatever she says.
Um ... yeah, that's pretty much it.
@Ticomaya,
Ticomaya wrote:
Joeblow wrote:First, decide together which of you is the boss.
Then, do whatever she says.
Um ... yeah, that's pretty much it.
Yup.
harmony can be so easy when that simple lesson is taken to heart.
A scary consensus is emerging!
@Chumly,
Quote:A scary consensus is emerging!
surely a commentary on the state of the American male, he who thinks that getting run over by his woman is the natural order. Me, as usual I go the other way, I demand equality.
@Chumly,
They're like cats, I tell you. If they can't have their way right now, they will wait, and wait, and wait. . . .
Compromise is the most important secret of family life! Be obliging!
________________________
LIFE IS GOOD!
@roger,
roger wrote:
They're like cats, I tell you. If they can't have their way right now, they will wait, and wait, and wait. . . .
I got all the time in the world....
I'm laughin' and cryin' at the same time. A sordid (pun) misgivings & trepidations.
@Chumly,
Learn to bring up difficult discussions and disagreements in the correct fashion. Most of us react very poorly when we feel attacked, and you can short-circuit a lot of that by choosing your words carefully.
I sometimes say, 'I want to work together with you to find a solution that we both can live with.' Sets the frame correctly. Sometimes it's 'Let's take a friendly time-out'; I try and head-off arguments by changing the frame to something more positive.
Don't switch the topic when you are arguing about something, and refuse to engage on new topics when the other person does it. It's really easy to get wound up about one thing, and then switch to more hurtful topics which may have been simmering a while.
Be a leader. I don't ask my wife to do things (mostly), I just do them myself. It encourages others to do the same thing.
Most of all, let stuff go! All that **** that seems important, ain't.
Cycloptichorn
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:surely a commentary on the state of the American male, he who thinks that getting run over by his woman is the natural order. Me, as usual I go the other way, I demand equality.
Well, now we've heard from a misogynist on the issue ...
@Ticomaya,
yeah, I now await a response from Spendi to ice that cake.
@Cycloptichorn,
Cycloptichorn wrote:
Learn to bring up difficult discussions and disagreements in the correct fashion. Most of us react very poorly when we feel attacked, and you can short-circuit a lot of that by choosing your words carefully.
I sometimes say, 'I want to work together with you to find a solution that we both can live with.' Sets the frame correctly. Sometimes it's 'Let's take a friendly time-out'; I try and head-off arguments by changing the frame to something more positive.
Don't switch the topic when you are arguing about something, and refuse to engage on new topics when the other person does it. It's really easy to get wound up about one thing, and then switch to more hurtful topics which may have been simmering a while.
Be a leader. I don't ask my wife to do things (mostly), I just do them myself. It encourages others to do the same thing.
Most of all, let stuff go! All that **** that seems important, ain't.
Cycloptichorn
Ahhh....HA HA HA.....you newlyweds are so cute and funny.
Whoooo...lemme catch my breath.
you wanna know why I'm the boss?
because I'm the one who brings the discussion back to the matter at hand.
because I know if I just do things myslef without asking for participation, it encourages the other person to assume it's your job.
because finding a solution that we can both live with ends up being the way I wanted it. that's right, I said it. the way I wanted it is the right way.
because I know that changing the frame to something more positive means he's just trying to change the subject.
because he always gets the last word in an argument..........yes m'am.
chumley, you know how it's gonna end up. why fight it?
@chai2,
Too funny (and maybe too true)!
@chai2,
Quote:
because finding a solution that we can both live with ends up being the way I wanted it. that's right, I said it. the way I wanted it is the right way.
because I know that changing the frame to something more positive means he's just trying to change the subject.
Well, you certainly sound pleasant to be with. Some of the things you suggest wouldn't work with our dynamic - period.
Quote:
because finding a solution that we can both live with ends up being the way I wanted it. that's right, I said it. the way I wanted it is the right way.
My guess is that some of the time, the way you want it is not in fact the right way. And an honest assessment of the past would likely show that to be true.
Cycloptichorn
@Cycloptichorn,
Grasshopper still have lot to learn.
@Ticomaya,
Ticomaya wrote:
Grasshopper still have lot to learn.
I'm tellin' ya.....
Tico....don't you have something you need to be doing? Those A/C filters aren't changing themselves you know.
"our dynamic" hehehe
The paradigm of our hegemony is obfuscated by the schadenfreude of our neologisms
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