Do I deserve my boyfriend?

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Me and my bf knew eachother for a few years b4 we got 2gether. Reason he waited to tell me how he really felt was because I was too young. Thing is, I always had feelings for him. However, b4 we got 2gether, his brother begged me to hang out, and he ended getting me wasted drunk. He ended up touching me. I never touched him, but I acted like a drunken animal and did lead him on because I used to like messing with guys heads. That was a horrible mistake and I didn't want him to do that. Now that I am with my bf, I feel I don't know If I am good enough for him. I mean, what really bothers me is that I always LONGED for my bf and then, THAT had to happen with his BROTHER?! I feel so dirty. I was SO ignorant and young and dumb. Why was I so ruthless and blind to my actions?

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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 1,776 • Replies: 17

[+3] - shewolfnm - 08/19/2009bad? thats boring and not worth the memory. you are putting too much into it. Sorry.

@whiteopal,

It sounds like you are sorry. We all make mistakes and you are now older and wiser. Do not let this spoil your happiness.

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Dont let low self esteem rule your life.

There is nothing wrong with being sexual with people. Humans are sexual.

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You were drunk and messed with this guy's brother.?

That's 2 No-No's to start out a relationship.

There's something about the brother-competition thing. A code of some kind that defies understanding by women.

Does your bf know about the "incident" - how long ago was it?

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Why did you do dumb things, when you were young?

B/c you are human! Don't worry so much about the past, you can't change it, you can only learn from it.

Cycloptichorn

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Don't ever think you're not good enough for someone.

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@whiteopal,

Of course, if your boyfriend ever found out that you had fooled around (to whatever extent you are talking about, which isn't really clear) with his brother, chances are high that he would probably leave you...most brothers feel that way about such things (but not all).

But the above isn't a matter of whether or not you deserve your boyfriend.

As for feeling dirty....you're young enough not to know that what you've done now will be nothing compared to what you've done 20 years from now...humans are sexual beings. You'll also learn that there is a very wide variety of people who enjoy sexual things much different to what you enjoy, or would have thought you enjoyed...there are people who will do things you will consider slutty, or wrong, or perverted (or whatever)...and yet, you won't know they do these things, and you will like them for who they are (ie. a persons sexual taste is usually meaningless to whether or not they are nice people, or not). So I wouldn't put too much meaning on feeling dirty.

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Enough with the common sense and compassion angle, it's now time to hear from the conservatives.

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@JTT,

Yes, that would be me!

Hello whiteopal! Here are a few things for you to remember:
Don't ever think you're beneath anyone, no matter who it is. Your boyfriend's brother is a jerk, he took advantage of you while you were in a very vulnerable position, and let's hope for your sake that you boyfriend is not in the same league as his brother.

Last not least, I hope you learned a valuable lesson here too: only drink as much as you can handle. The minute you're not in control of yourself, someone else will take the liberty.

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@whiteopal,

whiteopal wrote:

Me and my bf knew eachother for a few years b4 we got 2gether. Reason he waited to tell me how he really felt was because I was too young. Thing is, I always had feelings for him. However, b4 we got 2gether, his brother begged me to hang out, and he ended getting me wasted drunk. He ended up touching me. I never touched him, but I acted like a drunken animal and did lead him on because I used to like messing with guys heads. That was a horrible mistake and I didn't want him to do that. Now that I am with my bf, I feel I don't know If I am good enough for him. I mean, what really bothers me is that I always LONGED for my bf and then, THAT had to happen with his BROTHER?! I feel so dirty. I was SO ignorant and young and dumb. Why was I so ruthless and blind to my actions?

Just cram as much joy and beauty
into your life as u possibly CAN, now and always.

David

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@whiteopal,

whiteopal wrote:

...I was SO ignorant and young and dumb. Why was I so ruthless and blind to my actions?

Those two sentences are in the wrong order. You were blind to your actions BECAUSE you were ignorant and young and dumb.

Without realizing it, you've answered your own question.

But that's okay. We've all been ignorant and young and dumb. We lived through it...everybody does. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will, too.

Oh man, could we tell you some stories! Embarrassed

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@CalamityJane,

Quote:

Yes, that would be me!

Not even close, CJ, not even close.

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@CalamityJane,

CalamityJane wrote:

Last not least, I hope you learned a valuable lesson here too: only drink as much as you can handle. The minute you're not in control of yourself, someone else will take the liberty.

Yup.

1 Reply

@Eva,

Eva wrote:

We've all been ignorant and young and dumb. We lived through it...everybody does.

No, not everybody does.

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@DrewDad,

I like to think 'nope', DrewDad; that there are lots of people who wouldn't take advantage of a person in such a state. And I think there are, though I'll readily acknowledge that there are plenty of scumbuckets too.

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@sullyfish6,

It was like 2 years ago, I was not my boyfriends girlfriend at the time, but we knew eachother. I think he did like me at the time though, but i was underaged. Anyway, his brother fingered me, at first I resisted because i did not want him to, but i became too wasted and he fingered me. I tried to pull him off but he is 300 lbs and his arm wouldnt budge so i gave up. I never sexually touched him though. How bad IS this in your opinion? It makes me feel so dirty because it is his brother....

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bad?

thats boring and not worth the memory.
you are putting too much into it. Sorry.

1 Reply

@shewolfnm,

bad?

- Who did you hurt?
- Does your boyfriend have a right to control decisions made before you two got together?
- Who did you hurt?
- Are you not allowed to be human and make mistakes like the rest of us?
- Who did you hurt?
- Were you the main instigator of the activity between you and his brother?
- Who did you hurt?
- Did you wait till his brother was full of a disinhibitor drug and take advantage of him?
- Who did you hurt?

Seriously, if you didn't hurt anyone, it's not so very bad at all. By the way, you aren't the owner of your boyfriends emotions - you have just a little influence over how he perceives things, that result in him having emotions.

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Do I deserve my boyfriend?

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