0
   

Please edit my writing

 
 
Reply Fri 14 Aug, 2009 08:35 am
Task: In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?


People in many countries have been aware that students have more and more problems in their behavior today. There are several reasons for this phenomenon.

In the first place, it is a reflection of students’ pubescent psychology. Their desire to show their personalities impels them inevitably to break the rules and regulations in school. Second, it is easier for students with low scores than students with good ones to behave badly. In some countries like China, as teachers show scores or marks of every student in the whole class, this in all likelihood hurt their self-esteem. What is even worse, most teachers treat students hinging on their scores,which exert baneful impact on student’s psychology and lead to their bad behavior. Lastly, there is a definite link between students’ bad behavior in school and parents’ less care and love at home. Today, single-families are increasing rapidly and more parents are working overtime, so their children may receive less care and love from their parents, which make detrimental influence on their children’s behavior in school.

Although the problem is severe, there are still some efforts which we can make. To begin with, schools can employ more psychological teachers to help students with metal problems. Then, teachers must be trained to treat all the students fairly and be told not to show the students’ scores publicly. Additionally, the government ought to set up some parental school so parents can learn how to show love and care to their children even when they are busy.

Students’ metal and psychological diseases lead to their bad behavior. Nevertheless, school, family and the society should make contribution to address this problem.
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 1,720 • Replies: 10
No top replies

 
Robert Gentel
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Aug, 2009 04:10 pm
@jinmin1988,
jinmin1988,

I'm behind on my work today, so had to rush this one. I still feel it's a bit awkward after my editing, so if nobody else comes along to polish it up a bit more you may want to revise it as best you can and repost it here for me to take another shot at when I have more time.

jinmin1988 wrote:
People in many countries have been are aware that students have more and more behavior problems in their behavior today. There are several reasons for this phenomenon.

In the first place, it is a reflection of students’ pubescent psychology. Their desire to show their personalities inevitably impels them inevitably to break the school rules and regulations in school. Second, it is easier* for students with low scores than students with good ones to behave badly. In some countries like China, as where teachers show every student's scores or marks of every student in to the whole class, this in all likelihood hurts their self-esteem. What is even worse, most teachers treat students hinging on in accord with their scores,which exert baneful negatively impacts on the student’s psychology and leads to their bad behavior. Lastly, there is a definite link between students’ bad behavior in school and parents’ less care and love at home. Today, single-families are increasing rapidly and more parents are working overtime, so their children may receive less care and love from their parents, which make has a detrimental influence on their children’s behavior in school.

Although the problem is severe, there are still some efforts which we can make things we can do about it. To begin with, schools can employ more psychological teachers to help students with metal problems. Then, teachers must be trained to treat all the students fairly and be told not to show the students’ scores publicly. Additionally, the government ought to set up some parental school so parents can learn how to show love and care to their children even when they are busy.

The students’ mental and psychological diseases lead to their bad behavior. Nevertheless, school, family and the society should make contribution contribute to address this problem.


* easier is an awkward word choice. Not sure right now how to make it better though.
jinmin1988
 
  1  
Reply Sat 15 Aug, 2009 09:34 am
@Robert Gentel,
Task: In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?


People in many countries are aware that students have more and more behavior problems today. There are several reasons for this phenomenon.

In the first place, it is a reflection of students’ pubescent psychology. Their desire to show personality inevitably impels them to break school rules and regulations. Second, teachers’ inappropriate behavior is another cause of students’ bad performance. In some countries like China, teachers show every student’s scores or marks to the whole class, which in all likelihood hurts student self-esteem. What is even worse, most teachers treat students in accord with their scores,which negatively impacts students’ psychology and lead to their bad behavior. Lastly, there is a definite link between students’ bad performance in school and less care and love at home. Nowadays, single-families are increasing rapidly and more parents are working overtime. Consequently, their children may receive less care and love from their parents. This also has detrimental influence on their children’s behavior in school.

Although the problem is severe, there are still some things we can do about it. To begin with, schools should employ more psychological instructors to help students with mental problems. Besides, teachers must be trained to treat all the students fairly and be told not to show the students’ scores publicly. Additionally, the government ought to set up some parental school, thereby teaching parents to show love and care to their children even when they are busy.

Students’ bad behavior affects their study and life, thereby school, family and society should all contribute to address this problem.
0 Replies
 
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sat 15 Aug, 2009 10:23 am
@Robert Gentel,
Quote:
Second, it is easier* for students with low scores than students with good ones to behave badly.


Students with low grades/[test] scores are more prone to behaving badly ...
0 Replies
 
jinmin1988
 
  1  
Reply Sat 15 Aug, 2009 07:25 pm
@Robert Gentel,
I revise it once more

There is a tendency for students to be involved in bad behavior in school, and a couple of causes lead to this problem.

In the first place, it is a reflection of students’ pubescent psychology. Their desire to show personality inevitably impels them to break school rules and regulations. Second, teachers’ inappropriate behavior predisposes students to perform badly. In some countries like China, teachers show every student’s scores or marks to the whole class, which in all likelihood hurts student self-esteem. What is even worse, most teachers treat students in accord with their scores,which negatively impacts students’ psychology and lead to their bad behavior. Lastly, there is a definite link between students’ bad performance in school and less care and love at home. Nowadays, single-families are increasing rapidly and more parents are working overtime. Consequently, their children may receive less care and love from their parents. This also has detrimental influence on their children’s behavior in school.

Although the problem is severe, there are still some things we can do about it. To begin with, schools should employ more psychological instructors to help students with mental problems. Besides, teachers must be trained to treat all the students fairly and be told not to show the students’ scores publicly. Additionally, the government ought to set up some parental school, thereby teaching parents to show love and care to their children even when they are busy.

Students’ bad behavior affects their study and life, therefore school, family and society should all contribute to address this problem.
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sat 15 Aug, 2009 07:31 pm
@jinmin1988,
Quote:
I revise it once more


Sounds a bit strident, Jinmin or too official.

I've revised it ... .

0 Replies
 
jinmin1988
 
  1  
Reply Sat 15 Aug, 2009 10:47 pm
@Robert Gentel,
I updated it.

There is a tendency for students to be involved in bad behavior in school, and a couple of causes lead to this problem.

In the first place, it is a reflection of students’ pubescent psychology. Their desire to show personality inevitably impels them to break school rules and regulations. Second, teachers’ inappropriate behavior predisposes students to perform badly. In some countries like China, teachers show every student’s scores or marks to the whole class, which in all likelihood hurts student self-esteem. What is even worse, teachers have a strong bias in favor of students with good grades,which negatively impacts students’ psychology and lead to their bad behavior. Lastly, there is a definite link between students’ bad performance in school and less care and love at home. Nowadays, single-families are increasing rapidly and more parents are working overtime. Consequently, their children may receive less care and love from their parents. This also has detrimental influence on their children’s behavior in school.

Although the problem is severe, there are still some things we can do about it. To begin with, schools should employ more psychological instructors to help students with mental problems. Besides, teachers must be trained to treat all the students fairly and be told not to show the students’ scores publicly. Additionally, the government ought to set up some parental school, thereby teaching parents to show love and care to their children even when they are busy.

Students’ bad behavior affects their study and life, therefore school, family and society should all contribute to address this problem.
Robert Gentel
 
  1  
Reply Sun 16 Aug, 2009 10:31 pm
@jinmin1988,
jinmin1988 wrote:
There is a tendency for students to be involved in bad behavior in school, and a couple of causes lead to this problem.

In the first place, it is a reflection of students’ pubescent psychology. Their desire to show personality inevitably impels them to break school rules and regulations. Second, teachers’ inappropriate teacher behavior predisposes students to perform badly. In some countries like China, teachers show every student’s scores or marks to the whole class, which in all likelihood hurts student self-esteem. What is even worse, teachers have a strong bias in favor of students with good grades,which negatively impacts students’ psychology and leads to their bad behavior. Lastly, there is a definite link between students’ bad performance in school and less care and love at home. Nowadays, single-families are increasing rapidly and more parents are working overtime. Consequently, their children may receive less care and love from their parents. This also has a detrimental influence on their children’s behavior in school.

Although the problem is severe, there are still some things we can do about it. To begin with, schools should employ more psychological instructors to help students with mental problems. Besides In addition, teachers must be trained to treat all the students fairly and be told not to show the students’ scores publicly. Additionally*, the government ought to set up some parental parenting school, thereby teaching parents to show love and care to their children even when they are busy.

Students’ Bad student behavior affects their study and life, therefore school, family and society should all contribute to address this problem.


* you could use "lastly" to avoid the repetition from my own addition of addition.
jinmin1988
 
  1  
Reply Mon 17 Aug, 2009 07:29 am
@Robert Gentel,
I appreciate your help.
0 Replies
 
jinmin1988
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Aug, 2009 06:15 pm
@Robert Gentel,
Quote:
(Besides) In addition, teachers must be trained to treat all the students fairly and be told not to show the students’ scores publicly.


Robert, why "besides" in not appropriate here?
Robert Gentel
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Aug, 2009 07:03 pm
@jinmin1988,
I just thought it wasn't as good as the replacement. But it would be acceptable.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

deal - Question by WBYeats
Drs. = female doctor? - Question by oristarA
Let pupils abandon spelling rules, says academic - Discussion by Robert Gentel
Please, I need help. - Question by imsak
Is this sentence grammatically correct? - Question by Sydney-Strock
"come from" - Question by mcook
 
  1. Forums
  2. » Please edit my writing
Copyright © 2019 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.06 seconds on 10/23/2019 at 01:24:37