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Opposites attract while non-opposites annoy

 
 
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 12:11 am
I get to know people here and there. I am very social as many people are; like to shop, conversate, engage in exciting activities, but I am most attracted to people that are shy and don't talk a lot for the simple reason that I like for them to listen to me rant about, well... everything. I met a person just like me and they annoy the heck out of me, yet I don't annoy the heck out of myself. Why is that?
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 12:37 am
@Bonnibel,
Maybe you are your own best listener.
Bonnibel
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 01:22 am
@roger,
Haha good one. Well I meant why is it that people are attracted to opposites instead of people that are like them?
roger
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 01:45 am
@Bonnibel,
So one can talk, and the other can listen.

Overall, I'm not so sure that opposites do attract. Not in all cases, anyway.
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 02:24 am
@roger,
I think that's true Roger, to a point. My mother and father seem to be very opposite in terms of personality characteristics- but when it comes down to foundational beliefs and behaviors, they're very similar- that's enabled them to stay married for over 50 years..

Outwardly, I seem more like my father, but I always end up really liking people who outwardly appear to have the personality characteristics of my mother (as personality characteristics go, she's got probably my favorite combinations of them of most anyone I've ever met).

But of my two best friends, one outwardly seems very similar to me and one seems very different - and both are nothing like my mother!
With both, we laugh at exactly the same things to the same extent and understand not only each other's 'talk' (as one calls it) but each other's motivations.
But then that's where I think we're really different - inwardly- core beliefs and motivations- although someone once thought one of my best friends was my brother - she said, 'You have the same eyes' - although his are blue and mine aren't Question
to which he replied - 'No, but we have the same soul.'
I couldn't have disagreed more - so it was interesting that he thought that.

I'd just look at it on a person to person basis- you miss too much individual worth if you look at people as a 'type' or a 'package' in relation to how you are yourself.
vikorr
 
  3  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 04:34 am
@aidan,
It's not quite true that opposites attract. Rather, it's more true to say people are attracted to others with similarites and differences (rather than all similar, or all different). There needs to be enough similarities for comfort, and enough differences for excitement, so to speak.
0 Replies
 
mismi
 
  2  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 07:14 am
@aidan,
Quote:
I think that's true Roger, to a point. My mother and father seem to be very opposite in terms of personality characteristics- but when it comes down to foundational beliefs and behaviors, they're very similar- that's enabled them to stay married for over 50 years..


I think this is true aidan. My husband and I are opposites in many ways. But foundationally we have the same beliefs. Our goals are the same - most of the time - this can cause trouble sometimes...but we usually work through it.

People who are like me annoy the heck out of me too. I think it is because I see my weaknesses in them and it either shames me or annoys me. It may be a bit of competition at times too, especially people who are gregarious and outgoing. Seems they(me) like being the life of the party and it makes them(me) unhappy when someone else is doing it as well. Embarrassed

But - it can be controlled - competitive natures have to take a deep breath and figure out if it is really that important to be the most noticed in the room. I have learned that my competitive nature and mouthy self can embarrass the heck out of me as well...so self-control is huge when it comes to talking too much. That can be a huge turn off at times.

It also comes to me that talking about yourself a lot is only bearable by others for a short time. The most attractive people are interested in others and make others feel special about themselves...
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 07:27 am
@aidan,
I think you got aidan - complete opposite won't last - if you have different values you will eventually butt heads - however, different personalities will work and I find it helpful. Like an outgoing person and a quiet person get along because the outgoing person can blab away without interruption and the quiet person can be amused by these antics. And in other ways as a couple it is helpful.

My husband for instance would be a financial wreck if it wasn't for me. He can be such an impulse buyer and almost needs immediate satisfaction - me being more cautious financially can reason with him (or in one case make him return an expensive TV he bought on impulse). But then on the other hand, he can convince me to use money for some fun things as well - we balance each other out.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 07:27 am
@aidan,
But I meant to say above - our values are also similar - maybe not exact, but very similar.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 07:33 am
@Bonnibel,
Bonnibel wrote:

I get to know people here and there. I am very social as many people are; like to shop, conversate, engage in exciting activities, but I am most attracted to people that are shy and don't talk a lot for the simple reason that I like for them to listen to me rant about, well... everything. I met a person just like me and they annoy the heck out of me, yet I don't annoy the heck out of myself.


Why is that?

Because u like u.


David
0 Replies
 
Bonnibel
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 01:44 pm
@Linkat,
Linkat: have a very interesting story there. That reminds me that I know many couples where one is a "free spirit" (outgoing, life of the party) and the other is the "nerd" (financially careful, etc). I had heard that explained by a multimillionaire called Dave Ramsey who has his own show to help people financially. Very interesting stuff.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 02:50 pm
@Bonnibel,
Yeah - I'm a nerd
mismi
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 03:35 pm
@Linkat,
nerds are cool
0 Replies
 
Foofie
 
  0  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 05:30 pm
@Bonnibel,
Bonnibel wrote:

...I met a person just like me and they annoy the heck out of me, yet I don't annoy the heck out of myself. Why is that?


Just guessing, but perhaps one likes to be center stage and in the spotlight alone.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  -2  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 05:56 pm
I'm schizoid on this. I like women because they are opposite and I like nymphomaniacs because they like sex like me.
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 09:53 pm

I have dated chicks who have been the opposite of me -- commie lovers,
but I 'd rather date another libertarian, Individualist hedonist





David
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jul, 2009 10:11 pm
I think that opposites do attract, because opposites are compatible, opposites complete each other. But the two must have the roughly the same goals, the two must share the same values. I did not set out to marry an opposite, but I did. We routinely disagree on what to do, but we both want to get to the same point which keeps the argument and dissension in a context.
0 Replies
 
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Jul, 2009 12:05 am
@mismi,
Quote:
I think it is because I see my weaknesses in them and it either shames me or annoys me.

Or when it's your child - it can scare you (or at least it does me).
My son, quite possibly, could be the most stubborn person I've ever met - beside one of my best friends.
I thought I was that (the most stubborn). But they are two people who are even more stubborn than I am. In the case of my friend - it's none of my business really - and I can only advise and then watch it all unfold. But in the case of my son, I used to get crazy with fear when I'd watch him be as immovable as stone on one issue or another.
But now I've learned not to expect either one of them to change his mind once he's made it up. They both have to learn the hard way that determination can be a good thing - but willful or prideful stubborness lands people in deep **** sometimes.

Linkat - I knew someone like that (your husband). If we'd go shopping - I'd say, 'That's pretty,' and when we got home, she'd hand the item to me. She'd have bought the thing. I learned that I'd have to say - 'That's pretty - but I don't want it- I just think it's pretty...' The last time I was home, she gave me this set of windchimes she'd bought on a trip - but I just happened across her outside her house when I was walking - she hadn't known I'd be home, so I knew she hadn't bought the windchimes specifically for me (and I really didn't want them). So I said, 'No, you must have bought these for someone else...you don't have to give me anything- what will you do for the person you really bought them for?' And she opened this bag and showed me that she'd bought THIRTY windchimes (they'd been on sale).
I thought, 'Wow - how does her husband support this habit?' (she doesn't work).
But as a frugal person who does like to indulge when the mood strikes (in music, plants, travel, good food) I don't know if it'd be harder to be married to someone who was a free-spender or stingy- someone who NEVER wanted to or wouldn't allow you to spend anything on anything fun.
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Jul, 2009 12:10 am
@spendius,
Quote:
I like nymphomaniacs because they like sex like me.

Do you encourage them to use birth control?
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Fri 24 Jul, 2009 03:36 am
@aidan,
That's my responsibility. They don't even need to know about birth control.
 

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