I tell a tale of serendipity and history, of trance states and infant United States, of Jeffersonian Democracy 303 and the Zen of the Multiple Choice Test.
Whilst in the midst of a semester of history with a Dr. Joyce at the University of Tulsa USA I had occasion to skip the Thursday lecture of a Tuesday/Thursday course regarding the influence of certain framers of our Constitution because it was necessary for me to chase a certain Ms. A____F_______ around and about the trees and rose garden at a nearby park, but I digress. I spent the weekend engaged in alternating sessions of reading and hell-bent carousing that continued until late Monday night or early Tuesday, there is no accurate record. I slept very late Tuesday dreaming that I was both late for class (which I was) and that an exam I was supposed to be taking was already finished by the time I woke, wrapped up in the tangled sheets. Upon arriving for the 1:00pm session I was met at the door by Dr. Joyce who grinningly handed me, along with the rest of the class, a five page exam consisting of 100 multiple choice questions. One Hundred Questions, one point apiece he announced, proceed.
I stared for a moment at question one and I immediately knew the answer!!?! The same was true for question two! I had been doing the reading but had been sitting through the lectures in kind of a trance consisting of two parts lack of sleep and one part hangover yet here was question three and it's answer was A and I didn't even read B,C or D (all of the above)!!
This was a kind of dream or perhaps the opposite of the nightmare where you see yourself sitting at an exam not knowing anything. I knew everything. I looked around and other students were sweating over their pages, looking up at the windows, biting their pencils while I felt one with the universe. I flew through the rest of the pages, finished, stood up and took my test to the front, handed it to Dr. Joyce and walked out.
It was 29 minutes after the hour. I had taken a hundred question test in about 25 minutes, that's what--One question answered every 15 seconds? Yikes! I was suddenly afraid. I began to doubt that I knew anything at all.
I spent the next day thinking about how I would repair the damage. Do an extra paper, find an extra credit project, paint Dr. Joyce's garage.
Thursday dawned and I went to class. Dr. Joyce, who I loved and admired, had a quirk, he liked to hand back tests by result with the lowest scores going out first. First of course we had our lecture to listen to....the blah blah was only secondary, the Anti-Federalists first had to blah, blah the blah blahblah. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time.
Now here's your Tuesday test results - Robert Zebeck (dolt!) Ann Kettes,
Bob Jackman, the list went on. I had my head down, ready, how bad was it going to be? A 60? Jackman walked by, he had a 47! Jeez. Reba Johnson, Edward Holland, Thomas Waterway, still hadn't called me. What the hey? I might have done okay, Hey alright! Classmate after classmate was called but not me, we were down to ten left and then five when it struck me that maybe my score had been
so bad that Dr. Joyce was going to single me out as the worst student in the history of the history department! My hands were sweating. Only Janet Pearson and me left now. (Janet went on to be a really fine reporter for the Tulsa World newspaper.)
"Janet," said Dr. Joyce," excellent score, a 99, and the only perfect score for this test is yours, Mr. Nation. Well done and so quickly too." He had an odd look on his face. I walked up the aisle and got my test, there was an actual smattering of applause. Dr. Joyce smiled at me, folded his briefcase and headed for the door. "It's the reading, I do all the reading." I said. "I know" said Dr Joyce," you couldn't had cheated, I didn't finish writing this test till noon on Tuesday." right when I had been down on my hands and knees looking for a clean sock.
I kept that test a long time. I liked the way the 100 looked, circled in red on the upper left corner. I never read it again though, I was too afraid I'd read a dozen questions that I couldn't answer...........
Joe
