what do u think i should do ......

Of course you have to be concerned. She is looking for thrills outside of your relationship. If she told you she wouldn't do it again, and has done it another 3 times, then she's either a liar, a manipulator, or can't help herself (which last I don't believe). If she's a liar, there are many reasons to lie about such things, though usually those reasons pop up after the wedding, when people start getting lax about paying attention to each other, and other stressors start appearing (like bills, finances, children, lack of sleep etc)

From your writing, you also have some relationship issues that you haven't sorted out - it's difficult to articulate, but this part ...

...the choice of wording is disturbing when one relates it to an engagement relationship.

Neither of you are ready for marriage. Don't do it or you will soon be paying for a divorce.

please who ever u are ...dont go

i would like to talk to u ...Yes indeed u are right and we have alot of issues to solve but she just does not want to "TALK"about them

YOU:tell me how can one resolve a relationship if we canot talk about the problem and come up with a solution

she is a person that keeps it all in .her dad left and abonded them ; its caused them to ..have unstability throughout there lives

yes unfortunatly it happens .... all i really want to know from her is

-Are u unhappy...
-do u want another man
-Are u stuck

so if i can have these answers Solved ...at least i would be able to : move on with a reason .....

I wonder how YOU find out what she is doing at work. Is she telling you all about this? Is she doing this with other girls at the office?

Your girlfriend is a tease. She thinks it is safe to turn on guys online because it's all so anonymous. Lots of people get off doing this.

Either forget it and let her have her online fantasies, or demand her to stop.

PS : She also likes to see you get all bent out of shape.

i dont want to make xcuses for her she is a hounest and intelligent woman she had about 2 BF's in her life and yet she was a Virgin and when i met her she told me this and even the guys that she dated told me how strict she is and how loyal and trustworthy she is...

that is y this whole thing is so confusing to me coz her mother is even SHOCKED on these things coz this is just not her she is not a person like this but yet again people do change

i dont know if she wouls go AS FAR AS SLEEPING with another guy or is that what she really wants ....

Dump her. This broad is bad news.

Nivesh - how old are you two?

Yeah--you're over reacting. There's no making any sense of them.

You should be concerned about how you have been led to believe that you could make any sense out of them.

I am compelled to say this about what is not my business, especially about two people I don't know at all - but since you asked..

I'd get out of this procession towards marriage. Marriage is, at least in concept, a matter for life long connection. You think you have qualms now? Just wait...
You two are not ready, and in my opinion should not progress re a marriage engagement.

I see this as a continuing misery in different ways for both of you. My take, obviously off the cuff, is that she is immature as to what love is about, and that you are immature to be still in the relationship. Step back....

I suppose this seems rude, but a lot of us wish someone handed us a fortune cookie about our long ago relationships, whether or not we would have paid attention.

Spendius, you're irredeemable. Unredeemable? Not for redemption...

And you would be amazed, osso, how slow I was to discover that. I only escaped crucifixion by the skin of my teeth. More than ten times.

Your trouble is that you don't understand the "woman problem" from a male point of view.

I've been friends with a lot of males. I think of you as unique.

Oh no you don't babe. I've heard that before.

You should take up fly fishing.

contrex

she is 23 and i am 27

what makes u say that im unique

I said Spendius was unique, and that wasn't a compliment to you.. much less Spendius. That was a2k banter going back and forth and nothing to pay attention to in regard to your own question, nivesh.

I was serious about what I thought, however many posts ago.

Nivesh,

Unfortunately it may not be a case of her being unhappy - there are many other possibilities :
- she may be bored
- she may be exploring her sexuality (in terms of attractiveness to men in general)
- she may just want some extra thrills
- she may be screwed in the head and simply not know what she wants (and this may be her way of exploring that conundrum)

You need to understand that people can have many competing and contradicting interests / desires / wants / needs.

In other words, answering your second question "Do you want another man" may not be honestly possible, because the answer can be both yes and no (at the same time).

As for the 3rd question you want answered, is she stuck in which aspect of her life? Just because she is stuck in one, doesn't mean she is stuck in other parts of her life (ie. the question is way to generic to answer). You really need to refine the question...but then you run the very real risk of not asking the right (specific) question. A better question is "Do you feel stuck in any area of your life?" ...and that would need to be explored, because it's hard to answer.

Lastly, it's not up to you to solve another persons internal problems. You can be there for support, but reality is only she is going to solve them (even a psychologist only acts as a guide). Further, if you accept her bad behaviour because of her issues, you will only reinforce her issues (because accepting is saying it's acceptable), while her respect for you will shrink (because you aren't being true to yourself /not calling her on her bad behaviour). That last part, you have to be prepared for her to throw tantrums, and if it's a big enough issue, even for her to walk away (the other alternative being, allowing her to walk all over you...which is not a good idea at all, for you)
....................................................

About resolving the relationship if she won't talk. This is going to suck for a guy, but the only way to show her that you need to talk, is to let her know how the opposite (not talking) makes you feel...and the growing sense of (frustration / upset / sadness / etc) that you feel the longer it goes on. Tell her about the strength you have there for her, and what you would like in return to maintain that strength. Let her know where you see it going if you can't talk, and how much closer you feel you two would grow if you could talk. Let her know that you want her, and you want to grow old together, and that you would like to feel closer to her, and that you worry that will never eventuate if you don't communicate, and you would really love it to eventuate.

By the way...there's a big difference when interests are competing, between "but' and 'and'.
- I see what you're saying, but...
- I see what you're saying, and...

That's a bit patronising vik.

Which part do you read as patronising Spendius?