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"I need help looking for my long lost father"

 
 
mm25075
 
Reply Wed 10 Jun, 2009 11:54 am
Ok, so I've seen reference to many threads where apparent teenagers and others have suddenly become 'crazy' over needing to find a long lost birth parent. I myself have found that I wonder what my birth father's medical history is, what type of person he is, yadda yadda. Never once did it make me seek out assistance from an internet board, but then again internet boards were not around when I was a teen. So, giving these people the benefit of the fact that they are not just some scammer posting to see if other can do their research for them, but rather that they are earnest in the approach, I wonder what the 'real' chance of someone actually being found. A proverbial needle in a hay stack.

Take for the example, Tom Smith marries <mother name> in the San Fernando Valley, CA area because she is with child. After being married a very short time she realizes, this guy is what she says "a pedophile" and immediately has the marriage annuled leaving preganant mom to fend for herself.

That is the extent of what I know about my birth father. This is one situation where I have to wonder...should I even care about wanting to know more about him? Now it would be nice to know medical history...but quite likely the results would be worse than the not knowing part..I'm not sure.

What's your thoughts?
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boomerang
 
  2  
Reply Wed 10 Jun, 2009 12:41 pm
Finding him doesn't guarantee gaining medical history. I can't get access to my parents medical history and they raised me. Medical records are private. I know my medical history and it doesn't change the approach my doctor and I take to my health care.

More importantly, what I understand from birthparents is that being approached solely for medical history is alarming, intrusive and demeaning. They recommend that you just admit that you're curious about the person.

People find their birthparents all the time. It isn't that hard. Start by talking to your mom. She can most likely give you all the information that you need to start your search.

Personally, I would never invite anyone my mother described as a pedophile into my life for any reason whatsoever. He doesn't sound like a very good person to know. Be careful what you wish for.
mm25075
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Jun, 2009 01:13 pm
@boomerang,
boomerang wrote:

Finding him doesn't guarantee gaining medical history.


Agreed 100%. I would limit to what he would personally wish to tell me but of course that is no guarantee he would say anything.

Quote:
They recommend that you just admit that you're curious about the person.

I am curious mostly.

Quote:
People find their birthparents all the time. It isn't that hard. Start by talking to your mom. She can most likely give you all the information that you need to start your search.

The information above is all she will tell me. In respect to her I have stopped asking for more.

Quote:
Personally, I would never invite anyone my mother described as a pedophile into my life for any reason whatsoever. He doesn't sound like a very good person to know. Be careful what you wish for.

Agreed. It's quite risky.
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boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Jun, 2009 01:22 pm
You might start at www.zabasearch.com.

There are also "search angels" that, for a fee, will find a person pretty quickly. (I know of one woman who searched for 5 years and a search angel found who she was looking for in 4 hours.) They mostly work with adoptees but they could probably find your dad.

Curiosity is a killer. Once it digs in it can be impossible to shake. Sometimes it's best to satisfy it. My husband calls missing parents "glamour parents" because of their aura of mystery. Truth is, they usually turn out to be far from glamorous.

If you decide to search, good luck, but be careful.
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