Do i just say i like her? Problem is, she's a very good friend

Take the risk my friend, you only live once.

coolboy007 wrote:

OK. I am an elderly man. When I was 13 years old, my self-image
was of having at least average, or above average, personal courage.
I stood up for what I believed in. I enjoyed arguing with teachers.
I did not back down from a conflict with anyone, when challenged.

I was in school half asleep (I kept late hours) not bothering anyone,
when the most delicately superbeautiful girl in the class, named Joyce,
an elegant, a blue eyed blonde descended of the Austrian aristocracy,
with superb manners and a sweet personality,
very unexpectedly -- sua sponte -- made overtures of friendship to me.
I was taken aback and perplexed.

I fell in love with her and most earnestly desired to date her.
When I got home from school each day, I firmly resolved
that the next day I 'd march right up to her and ask her for a date.
On Friday evenings at home, it was as obvious as anything coud be
that on Monday I 'd take care of the problem and ask her out.
It never happened. In the privacy of my own mind: I lost face.
Every day, it was the same thing: I chickened out.
I knew that if I asked her out and were rejected, then OBVIOUSLY,
my ego woud be shredded worse than if 100 Panzer divisions drove over it.

Eventually, with her indirect support, I overcame my fear
sufficiently to ask her out. I was so scared that for the only time
in my life, I felt my vocal chords constricting as I spoke producing
a rasping sound as I asked her for a date. The .38 Smith & Wesson
model 36 revolver I had strapped to my ankle was useless to abate my angst.

I got rejected.

As I walked away, I was thrilled with the happiest moment I ever had in my life.
I felt as tho my spirit went aloft, touching the uppermost of my ability to feel joy.
I was thinking: "I DID it; I DID it"; I mitigated my cowardice.

A few weeks later, I asked her out again.
That time my fear was a lot less than it had been the first time.
I got rejected again and I was thrilled again, but less than the first time.

A few months later, I asked her out again and got rejected again.
It was a lot easier to approach her; much less fear.
Tho I was thrilled again as I walked away: it was less joy
than it had been on either of the 2 prior occasions.

5 years later, in a psychology class in my first year of college,
my professor explained this phenomenon to our class:

He informed us that if u put a hungry rat into a Skinner box,
shaped like a BIG shoebox with one (removable) sensitized wall
and put a wall panel containing a food dispenser into that box,
the rat will learn to approach that wall from his distal position
on the other side of the box. That is called an approach reaction.

If that wall is replaced with another one containing an electrode
that shocks him when he arrives, he learns to avoid that wall.
That is called an avoidance reaction.

If the hungry rat is placed into a Skinner box whose sensitized wall
has BOTH a food dispenser and an electrode,
it has been observed that he begins apace his journey toward that wall,
but as he approaches it progressively more closely,
his speed of movement decelerates and then he reverses direction.
As he is further away from the wall, he most desires to approach it
(inferring his ideation from his speed and direction of motion).
His fear is most intense as he is CLOSEST to his objective.
This state of affairs produces a recurved S shaped pattern of movement
which has been called an approach avoidance reaction.

Significantly, if he is not hungry,
he can cope with this situation more easily.

Accordingly, if a boy chooses to ask out a girl in whom he has
relatively little interest, he will feel a correspondingly lower degree of fear,
because he will care less about rejection.

The moral of the story is: the more u CARE, the more intensely
u will feel a state of fear qua the outcome of your efforts.

Accordingly: your chances improve
as to controlling any fear if u KNOW,
EXPECT, that fear will increase
as u approach your objective more closely,
so that u can handle it on a planned basis.

In retrospect, I took counsel from The Beatles:
" it is the fool that plays it cool, making the world a little colder."

It is worth re-iterating: a coward dies 1000 deaths; a brave man dies but 1.

I wish u the best.





David

honesty is the key mate. but be prepared for the "i just want to be friends " reply.". they are usually given to the guy whose become real close to a girl but who never had the guts to ask her out but who did after 3-4 months but it was too late.

just remember bounce back and live life cos thats all u can do =)

omg Mr. David...that was one very detailed piece of advice. thanks a lot !

lol...definitely. and like i said earlier, honesty is one of my watch words on this

Yeah; that was because the advice had a long example attached to it,
but u can pass it on to your grandchildren, if u think its worth it.





David

it's definitely worth it !!

I apologize for having been so long-winded.

U can throw away over 95% of what I wrote,
only bearing in mind that if u enter upon
an approach avoidance reaction KNOWING
that your fear will increase as u get closer to your objective,
then u can handle your fear with greater confidence n competence.





David