Do i just say i like her? Problem is, she's a very good friend

" A coward dies 1,000 deaths.
A brave man dies but 1. "

Many good relationship are based on honesty.

@ OmSigDAVID : mate, i'n not scared. just want to know what she'd feel like

I like your statement when I take it literally.

A lot can happen in two or three years, she could meet someone else, fall in love and get married. I think you should be honest about how you feel and see what she says.

the thing is, I live in India . we're still a developing country so you know that we still have those 'traditional' chains tied to us. so just saying 'i like you' is more of a cultural shock than a true statement. that's why i say i think she needs the time.
good point though thanks

so, anybody else with some advice ?

Y'know, you could also end up liking someone else in the meantime.

Then just ask her casually, over dinner
what she thinks of u.


The less u care about the answer,
the easier that question will be.

Also, remember:
a relationship is led and controlled by whoever
cares about it the least.



`

Are you both in India?

Damn, I've been in this kind of situation too. Where there is no way to tell the girl that you wish you two were more. If she really is someone worth your time, you'll sense that she feels the same way.

Maybe there is a reason for the distance/barrier that is stopping you from being more forward?

I am almost hestitate to say this because I do not want to discourage you as you never know which way something like this could go.

I had the opposite happen to me - a man I had been friends with in college. We were friends and often times a group of us would get together to go to a function on campus. One night it was only him and me who could make it. He told me on the way back that he was obsessed with me. I was shocked. I told him honestly that I liked him, but didn't feel the same way - I didn't tell him I was weirded out with the obssessed thing though. Fortunately we did maintain our friendship. Years later when we were both out in the working world, we met up several times - unfortunately he became obsessive. I told him again that I still liked him but not quite that way. He couldn't handle it, he wanted all or nothing and it ruined the friendship. I wonder if he wasn't so busy and would let things take more time, it could have developed.

I think if you say something in a more subdued tone, along the lines that you were care deeply for her, more than simple friendship and you would like to see if she were interested in something a little closer or deeper. Please do not use love or obssess - it could cause her to get frightened. Also, are you interested in keeping the friendship even if all that she feels? If so, let her know that your friendship is very valuable and you do not want to harm that.

However, if saying "I like you" in your culture is tantamount to proposing a long term life together, and have ramifications about that.. I'd put that off. You are young yet, and Jespah is right, you may meet other interesting women whom you could love. You are just growing up yourself, in that these years usually have more learning than just course work in university.

@ everybody : thanks mates, for all the good advice !!
anyway, yea, we both live in India. Prob is, though we're in the same city, we live MILES apart, so 'dinner' or 'take her out' is out of the question
and, well, 'i like you' is more of a culture shock here, but definitely not in my family. Heck, almost all of my cousins chose their own girls rather than the lame Indian way of 'arranged marriages' !!

And to the 'i might meet somebody else' part : no mate, she seems perfect. i doubt somebody better will come along.
why i get the 'she likes me too' feeling is that whenever we dont talk for 3-4 days or so, she sends me an email saying that she missed me and she really wants to talk.
any ideas ?

Ah, you can't tell by my strange username (an italian food), but I'm an older woman. You have years to mature, both of you. This fondness may last, or it may not. People are not just ideals, once you get to know them (not that you assume that).

I have no useful ideas for a kind of coyness for you to use in India - I'm from the US and am for honesty; if not always for declaring honest feelings, I'm not much for denying them. How to hint at feelings... I figure that is cultural.

Coolboy, I'm not sure any of us welcomed you to a2k, so welcome. You can sometimes tell about a poster by clicking on the username atop a post. That will bring you to a profile, which some fill out. It'll also bring you to people's tags, and posts or topics, which can give a view of them.

woa...i was thinking u were a guy all this while !
and, yea, you're right, we do have a lot of years to mature
anyway, i'm definitely gonna be honest about this. that's one thing i keep telling myself if i ever talk to her.
and, thanks for the welcome too !

I was gonna tell u about approach-avoidance reactions,
but since u r not afraid, u don 't need that information.





David

gah ~ please go on ! i need all the help i can get !!