How to get your ex back? is it possible?

What else is going on in your life? How's school? Planning on going to college? Got any friends? A parttime job? Surely there's got to be more than "youonlyluvshane."

i posted a topic about this at the beginning of this week. its under "broken heart" if you havent read it. my friends all found out i lied to them as well as my boyfriend, so i have no one. my job sucks and i hate going there everyday. school blows because i see shane there EVERYDAY. it just makes me hurt and cry more. but def. read that topic if you get a chance...

Hi. A lot of us are already familiar with your story from your other posts (yep, we were watching :wink: ). I was wondering if you might want to ask yourself a question before trying to 'win him back'. I know high-school relationships are tough, believe me, I went through it too, as did a LOT of us here. It seems you are wandering into dangerous emotional territory here...so, ask yourself, why, not emotionaly, but practically, do you feel the need to "make" this guy think he cannot live without you? Also, from what I understand, your supposed transgression was hugging a friend (just a hug) of his who tried to hit on you, and he wanted to "punish" you by going to the prom with someone else. I hope that's right. This is what we call co-dependence, and it is a few things: its a dangerous pattern for abuse on either side down the road, not real love, as the respect for one another is removed from the situation, and it is also quite addictive when one is an emotional person, as you have told us you are. I would first suggest that you evaluate exactly why this guy would want to "punish" you for what was a simple misunderstanding. That is just creepy to me, and I worry for you there. Then, ask yourself what you are really looking for in a man....while the emotions are probably all over the place for you, try to focus....maybe this isn't the right relationship. Lots of us at A2K have gone through this, and life does go on. I would NOT suggest going on a campaign to make him feel he can't live without you. That would be damaging to you both, believe me.

I certainly did read your other thread which is why I asked if there is anything else in your life. You seem way too focused on this one guy who's putting you thru the wringer. As cav said, many of us have been there, high school romances, and they can hurt because usually they are our first.
The best thing you can do is to learn from this experience. What have you learned?

as of now, it feels like ive learned nothing. i want him to feel like he cant be without me because i want to be with him. he's only treating me like this because of what i did. as you read before, and im glad all of you are interested, i lied to him A LOT. lying is bad. that is basically the #1 thing ive learned, if there are other things, i haven't discovered them yet. since we dated for over a year its hard for me to let go. i can go a few hours and it wont bother me at all, but then i start to look at old pictures (that remain on my wall next 2 my bed) i become niagra falls with tears. im only emotional like this because ive had my heart broken before by the one person i thought was god. (my dad) he let me down pretty hard, this is nothing compared to that. but i cant really explain why i let myself get like this. i thrive off of him wanting me. (i know that sounds obsessive, but he used to be the same way with me wanting him) i only felt happy and pretty when i was with him. little things like him holding my hand and kissing me on the forehead just made me feel like someone actually thought of me as god. and he worshipped the ground i walked on. he used to write me little notes saying i could never stay home from school ever again because he missed me too much. and the cutest thing is, he made me this little book saying i was the most beautiful girl in the world and that he loved me more then i loved him (we used to get in "play" fights about this), and i was skinny (i always obsessed about my weight and how i looked. what girl isnt like that?). he knows that im not going to get with someone else. its a proven fact that i wont. because at this rate, its going to be awhile before i get over it. i know that he is going to come back, and im going to take him back because i always do. if you knew me in person, you would better understand why i do this. he told me that he is going to love me no matter what. why would you joke about that? im not saying he is joking or that any of you said he was lying about it. but if someone cant stand you lying to them, would they lie to you? it does bother me that he is talking to other girls and not giving me a chance to prove this. im sorry if im being annoying its just i dont know what to do about this. ill be told to do one thing and ill do it and it kinda feels like im pushing him further away. i dont want him out of my life completely. all of my friends know that i was the happiest when i was with him. i want him to be apart of my life, im more calm when he is. i get so freaked out and stressed out that i lose weight, my hair comes out in chunks when i brush it, and i have BAD stomach problems due to ulcers. i know im over-emotional, but i dont know how to deal with this pain seeing it is my first. anyway...i am planning on going to college (sry i didnt answer this before) my degree is going to take 8 years. i'm wanting to go to Tarleton University to major in Pre-Veterinary then transfer to A & M, to be a veterinarian. so...since i made him my life, there is nothing else going on. my grades are good for the most part, but i cry even in school. i need counseling (sry im not that great at spelling). any more suggestions or questions?

but doesnt he have a certain right to be mad at me? if u knew him, you would know why he acts like this. he is stubborn and really doesnt think hard enough about what he wants. i know what he wants, but he doesnt want to admit to it because he hasnt physically realized that it is what he wants. about a week ago i told him flat out "if someone loves you so much and you love them back, then you know where you belong." he didnt quite understand what i meant about this but i told him to think about it and he would catch on. since then he has been calling me a lot more then he used to & just wanting to talk to me even though our conversations arent HOURS upon hours long like they used to be. what does it mean if he says he only wants to have sex with me? and that he doesnt want to do that with anyone else. i feel like i dont know him anymore.

Sounds as though you have the potential to learn a lot from this - that is, to be honest. If you have a tendency not to be, that is a great lesson for you to learn.

As for the rest - possibly some counselling might be good? I don't know - but I am wondering if there is a connection between how sad and desperate you are feeling now, and whatever happened with your father - often we re-grieve one thing when a hurt that is similar in some way arises.

I have no idea if you can/will get him back. That is his decision only - since it seems you would go back with him if he wanted to. Whether that would be a good or bad thing, I do not know.

The point is, you will be fine if he doesn't return to you. Sooner or later. It will be sooner if you can take your focus away from him a little - maybe focus on some repair work with your friends, for instance, if they feel you have behaved badly to them (IF you did! I can't quite figure that out.) Maybe go out and pretend to have some fun, even if it is a little hollow - sooner or later it won't be - and sitting home obsessing for too long is not great for you - though, you do need to give yourself some grieving time, too - and some time to consider your role in this and what you might learn. Really awful experiences can be great for us, in the long run - they can be times of intense change. (Don't you hate it when older people say that to you! It's a pain - but true!)

And - it's gonna hurt. No way around that! I wish there was - but the only way out is through.

Good luck in getting to feel better.

thanks so much. ill be honest with saying this. i havent posted this yet though. he said he wants to be with me just not right now. in the future he does, but wants to continue the sex now. (which i still give into because i want the sex as much as he does. dont get me wrong im not a horny little hoe,lol, i enjoy sex with him because ive let myself enjoy it) ive been honest with everyone since i said i was going to be... i can say im proud of myself for being honest this long and forcing myself to not lie... i can start to see the results...

but i dont sleep around i only do it with him. it was 6 months into our relationship before i finally gave into it.

well, good luck.

like i said in the other topic, our relationship seems to be improving. he is calling me a lot more since i started ignoring him and he is telling me that he's having second thoughts about erasing himself from my life... i KNEW he was gonna do this... he's wrapped around my finger

I hope not - for both of your sakes!

know how you feel
Just after christmas 2006 me and my fiance split up, well infect he split up with me. I had done nothing wrong, yet he tried to blame it on me for moaning. We lived together in a cosy little flat and had 2 little kittens to make our own little family. I had gone out to visit my parents one night who live out of town and had text him asking him to go home after work and feed the kittens instead of going to the pub as i had been out most of the day. I arrived home on my normal bus to find him waiting at the bus stop for me still in his work clothes and not showered. He was also staggering and slurring his speech. Immediately when i saw him out of the bus window i knew he had been to the pub, which meant he had not been home . He walked up to me and gave me a kiss and we started walking home, i asked him if he had fed the kittens and he replied that he had not been home even thou he said he got my text. He went off his head as he always did when he was drunk and said he was leaving. I became hysterical and actually threw up because i was so upset. He left me that day and i never knew what i had done. My life fell apart. The day after he came home and we sat down and talked. He said he wanted to be friends. Then the week after i found out i was 6weeks pregnant, we had been trying for a baby for two years and had never had any luck, so why did it happen now? the babys defiantly his, i have always been faithful.but sure enough, a scan confirmed i was, he even came along. That day he came to tell me his decision he tried seducing me, i fell for it thinking he wanted me back. I cried so much afterwards, it was no longer making love it was *shagging*. I no longer have my flat and am 20weeks pregnant with a little boy. I had to give up my kittens because of that swine yet i still love him. I see him atleast 3 times a week and am still having sexual intercourse with him hoping that he will take me back.he wants the baby to have his last name which makes it harder, but i just want him back

You refer to him as swine yet you're still having sex with him. And you want him back because, uh, why exactly? So he can not feed your son instead of your pets? So he can get drunk and verbally go after you?

Yes, you make a fine couple. For your child's sake (is it even possible to have a sex-determining ultrasound at 20 weeks?) I hope you have alternative child care arrangements already in place, infinite financial resources at your disposal and a mother or other close relative to tell you to snap out of it.

Re: know how you feel
[quote="kirstylouise2k5"]Just after christmas 2006 me and my fiance split up, well infect he split up with me. I had done nothing wrong, yet he tried to blame it on me for moaning. ...he wants the baby to have his last name which makes it harder, but i just want him back[/quote]

I don't get it!!!
He's unreliable, selfish, uses you...
and you want him back!

I think, you have other things to think about now, for example your baby son!
He needs you, he does not need a biological father who seems to be more interested in his last name than his (and his mother's) well-being!

My advice:
Get rid of him as soon as possible! Stop sleeping with him!
Get your life in order!
Tell yourself, you deserve better than that!
Get your kitties back!
Make preparations for the baby's arrival!
Do NOT give the baby his father's last name!
It will be you, taking the baby to the doctor.
It will be you, taking the baby to day care (if applicable)
It will be you, enrolling the baby (then child) in kindergarden and school.
Do you always want to explain???
I am married to my son's father, but the baby (for these reasons and some others) still has my name!

true but i cant help being in love with him
yes it is possible to have the sex determind at a 20weeks scan.you want proof check the nhs website, it can be determind at 16weeks if the baby is in the right position. Secondly i cant help but still love him because i dont no what i have done wrong, im being punished for something and i have no clue to what. I no what i should do but everytime i go to do it i cant, he's a charmer. My baby means the world to me please dont get me wrong but my dreams consist of a proper family and i feel i could have that, im finding it really hard to tear myself away from him and i get really jealoouse thinking that he could be with another girl.

I don't think you are being punished...
I think he did you a favour of showing his true colours before it is too late!
It's up to you now to accept, that a clean cut would be the best for all involved!
Unfortunaltely nobody can take that final step for you!

thanks thou. i just need to push myself to do it......

Re: true but i cant help being in love with him


I'm sorry re the 20 weeks thing, got m'math mixed up.

I understand your desire for a "proper" (I guess traditional) family, but sleeping with this guy has not made him propose and I doubt it's going to make him love you. I'm sorry. I know that that hurts. If it's any comfort, know that you didn't do anything wrong and you're not being punished; he's just a jerk.

So you need to step back and start concentrating on your son and your future because it looks a helluva lot like this guy isn't going to be a part of it. I hesitate to ask if you have broached things like child support with him, and I realize you've been trying to get him back (which could be preventing you from talking cash with him), but this guy has all the hallmarks of being the kind of sperm donor who skips town and/or never (or rarely) helps support his own flesh and blood financially. Like it or not, or whether or not you wish to hear it right now, your son will need food, clothes, shoes, medical care, schooling and a roof over his head. Even if your family provides for all of those things 100% with no questions, no arguments and no worries, eh, well, I'm of the school that despises being so dependent upon others. While a little dependence is pretty normal (like your folks babysitting at times), you may be getting into a situation where everyone holds the purse strings but you.

You have rights in this situation. You may feel starry-eyed and jealous if you think he's with someone else and all of that, but none of that is going to matter if there's no food on the table. I know of at least two women on this forum who've had a devil of a time getting child support for their children. One of them is in the process of suing her son's father. That may be in the cards, too, but better to exercise your rights early, while this guy is still in the same state as you, than in ten or fifteen or twenty years when you need to hire a skip tracer to find him.

I'm sorry, I know it sounds harsh and I sound like the voice of doom and all of that. But these are very real possibilities and I just don't want to see you hurt and used. You and your son deserve better than that.