I like my medical school friend, but he still loves his exgf...

Of course I am happy for my friend, but what about me?

@chai2,

dr kylie was a hoot...thanks chai

@panzade,

let me see if I can summarize...

there's a little problem of self esteem here..evidenced by your jealousy...maybe if you were a little more confident you'd be happy for your friend and not jealous of HER...maybe a little narcissistic self-obsession...not a lot mind you...but enough to peg you as an adolescent...which you say you're not.

hell's bells...you're gonna be one of a small number of professional females making a gazillion dollars..
you'll have your pick of men...try to get over YOUR needs in this case...and be unselfish....for his needs...remember...if you love him , let him go...if he loves you...he'll come around to you.

0 Replies

@yoyo100,

Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose - be a big girl and realize this guy isn't for you - look at the bright side - you know sooner rather than later; you're going to have a great career and wonderful future. Look to the future rather than the past - consider you have an excellent opportunity to find some one even more wonderful. Some one that will think the world of you like this current friend thinks of his girl friend. Wouldn't you prefer that the man you love, loves you as much?

I did not get married until I was in my mid 30s. It seems odd to me the way you think, because I never wanted a man that didn't want me. Not that I wouldn't be attracted to some, but if he wasn't interested in me, why would I want him? I want some one that is madly in love with me - if guy A wasn't then screw (not literally of course) him - there is another around the corner.

0 Replies

Yes, you're right about everything, but I don't understand why he is still in love with his exgirlfriend. Why her?

1 Reply

Good advice is to tell you how to usurp her in his dream vision?
You are both chasing after unreality.
I speak as an expert on that, have been there.

Med school doesn't mean any of you are all grown up. In fact, I've pals who called med schoolers to residents socially retarded - that is a generality like many others, but perhaps with a grain of truth tucked into that generality. But, hey, most of us dwell among the socially retarded. That's why we elders in that now know so much.

Stop mooning around. If you snagged him, you'd begin to deal with a real life human and not be as pleased as you might think.

You are stuck in the infatuation phase, which is prolonged by this "impossibility" issue: the unobtainable is often very dear. Bring on the violins, this is the basis of many an affair.

This is not a knock, but I suspect with all your academic reading that you haven't read much about human relationships. This is a good time to start.

0 Replies

@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

Quote:
xounds like an x?

ix that xo?

Since living in Tejas, I pronounce all my j's like h's.

Whenever I'm at Luby's cafeteria and tell the servers
I'd like the geletin dessert, they think I'm greeting them.

Is that the one where the massacre happened in 1991 ?

0 Replies

@yoyo100,

yoyo100 wrote:

I did not know that this forum was for people to be criticizing. I only want good advice from all of you. Right now I am not being me, I really feel bad because of this whole situation. My friend really loves his exgirlfriend and I feel very jealous of her. I also envy her.
I need advice on how to not feel jealous and envious of his exgirlfriend.

Spend as much time as possible (except for your medical studies)
thinking about the guy 's BAD POINTS.
Is he stingy? bad breath? snippy ?
lies? bad taste in music? nasty temper?

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

That's good advice, David.

Really -- occupy your mind with other things, do other things, be around different people, have different experiences. Busy people moon around a lot less than not so busy people.

1 Reply

@jespah,

jespah wrote:

That's good advice, David.

Really -- occupy your mind with other things, do other things,
be around different people, have different experiences.
Busy people moon around a lot less than not so busy people.

Thank u, Jespah.

From 1958 to 1981, I was obsessed with a particular young lady.
I had a lot of experience with a problem like this.

David

0 Replies

@yoyo100,

yoyo100 wrote:

He only likes me as a friend. I've told him a lot of times that I have feelings for him, but he tells me that he is still in love with his exgirlfriend.

I think you're very lucky that he has been so honest with you.

He's giving you the message that he is not interested in you. He is giving you the opportunity to find someone who is interested in you - and to not waste time on him.

If you really value you him as a friend, take the information he has given you and use it. Ignoring what he has told you is not just rude, but it's inconsiderate of him and his wishes.

Continuing to tell him you are interested in him, after he's indicated he is not interested in you is not nice.

~~~

He could be talking about his ex-girlfriend to get you to leave him alone. It seems like you've been pushy and overly self-involved in this. Perhaps it's immaturity, perhaps it's a pathology of some sort, but it's not nice for the person on the receiving end of this sort of behaviour.

Think about his wishes. Whether or not he has someone else, he doesn't want you.

~~~

How do you move on from this sort of obsession? You start by not posting about him/talking about him/bothering him. You also open yourself up to the idea of talking to other men, having coffee with them, being receptive to their conversations, smiling at them in elevators.

1 Reply

@yoyo100,

yoyo100 wrote:

I know that I should look another way but I can't.

Yes, you can. You're choosing to obsess over someone who is NOT interested in you.

You can choose to behave in different ways.

0 Replies

@yoyo100,

yoyo100 wrote:

He is very handsome, smart, charming, intelligent, great looking, kind....the list goes and and on. That's why I envy his exgirlfriend and I am so jealous of her. How can I get over this jealousy and envy I feel for his exgirlfriend?

stop with the lists about him. It's not interesting to anyone else. It's really only important for the woman he chooses to be involved with.

It may be a list of what you're looking for in a man - so go find a man with those qualities - who is free of emotional attachment to another woman.

0 Replies

@yoyo100,

yoyo100 wrote:

I only want good advice from all of you.

part of the problem here is that what we perceive to be good advice for you may not be the advice/input you want. That doesn't mean it's not good advice. Young love's tricky - first love's often more obsessive than later, more grown-up love. It can be hard to see the good advice as being that.

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

How do you move on from this sort of obsession? You start by not posting about him/talking about him/bothering him. You also open yourself up to the idea of talking to other men, having coffee with them, being receptive to their conversations, smiling at them in elevators.

I agree with this somewhat, as a start to moving on from mister moon. But it does no good if our poster just obsesses over the next likely ideal person.

0 Replies

@yoyo100,

Well - I don't know if there is an answer to that. Like he said it was love at first site. My husband was like that - he said he saw me and just knew. Some one will feel that same way for you - and there is no clear answer why. Although love will deepen for different reasons.

0 Replies

@yoyo100,

yoyo100 wrote:

Quote:

She is the love of his life. Also, he can't wait to see her again!

Another tactic that u can consider
is to make friends with her
and then offer him a 3 way relationship. He may be bursting with gratitude for your assistance.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Don't you understand that he only has eyes for her and only her. He wants her and just her. He told me himself. He is so in love with her. And that's the kind of man I want for me. He is just perfect.

0 Replies

I like my medical school friend, but he still loves his exgf...

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know