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Sun 19 Apr, 2009 03:10 pm
I am getting married in a few months, and things were going great, planning was not so stressful everything seemed normal. But over the past 2 months, i don't know what it is but my fiance is really (annoying) me and driving me nuts, to the point that i feel as thought i am not in love with him anymore.
I really love him but i don't know if this is cold feet or what. It is to the point that sometimes when i see him calling me i roll my eyes and almost want to make up an excuse to get out of talking. He uses this babyish voice lately and it just drives me nuts. I know that i am probably coming off, mean, but i am just so frusterated because i am getting MARRIED and all of a sudden, i don't know what my problem is, but i am scared.
Has anyone dealt with this? Is it cold feet? I enjoy talking about our future and children, i love it just as i always have hes such an amazing person, SO good to me, so kind to my family, but when it comes to spending time now or even being physical, and long talks on the phone, i just am not in the mood, frankly the word i used above, annoying, is what is coming to mind. Please help me.
@carriegirl1,
I'm not sure how common this, but I suggest you listen to your feet. Things you never notice can become big annoyances after marriage. You've found some of them already. My guess is that it will get worse.
I recall my future wife finding women attractive. I brushed it off. A few years later she left me for a woman. I'm glad there were no kids involved. Talk to your future husband and tell him what you've told us.
@roger,
ALSO i just want to add, i think that i partly am feeling this way because i am VERY VERY close to my family, the idea of leaving my home, im still very young, terrifies me. I do think this is adding to it, but i still feel like i shouldn't feel this way, or be so bothered, so please anyone who has advice, or has dealt with anything similar let me know.
@carriegirl1,
You should feel the way you feel. Your feelings are your inner instincts and voices telling you that you aren't ready for this step. Listen to them. I don't know how "very young" you are, but it's obvious that you're too young to want to get married.
If your relationship with your fiance is strong enough to last a lifetime in marriage then it's strong enough to last however long it takes for you to feel comfortable making that step.
Life expectancy is now 85 years. Subtract your current age from that number and ask yourself if you're ready to spend that many years with one person. If the answer is no then don't say, "I do!".
@carriegirl1,
carriegirl1 wrote:
I am getting married in a few months, and things were going great, planning was not so stressful everything seemed normal. But over the past 2 months, i don't know what it is but my fiance is really (annoying) me and driving me nuts, to the point that i feel as thought i am not in love with him anymore.
I really love him but i don't know if this is cold feet or what. It is to the point that sometimes when i see him calling me i roll my eyes and almost want to make up an excuse to get out of talking. He uses this babyish voice lately and it just drives me nuts. I know that i am probably coming off, mean, but i am just so frusterated because i am getting MARRIED and all of a sudden, i don't know what my problem is, but i am scared.
Has anyone dealt with this? Is it cold feet? I enjoy talking about our future and children, i love it just as i always have hes such an amazing person, SO good to me, so kind to my family, but when it comes to spending time now or even being physical, and long talks on the phone, i just am not in the mood, frankly the word i used above, annoying, is what is coming to mind. Please help me.
I have a hunch that u 'd be a lot MORE annoyed
if u were legally trapped in a marriage with him.
I agree with all responders so far.
Marriage is a long long time, one way or the other. Don't do it just to go through with it. Engagement is a testing time for how we feel - listen to yourself.
@carriegirl1,
Maybe you should delay it - maybe it isn't that you don't love him, but are not ready for marriage...I would talk with him.
@carriegirl1,
Yeah, how young is "young"? You're still living at home with your parents?
@carriegirl1,
You live with your parents, you've been engaged four months, getting married in two months. 650 guests. Nine bridesmaids. Those bits alone don't read like "everything seemed normal" in my real world. It all seems a bit much.
How long have you and your fiance been a couple? Have both of you lived independently? Are you both working? Who is paying for those 650 guests to be fed and watered? Lots of stress sources right there before I ask any more questions.
@ehBeth,
Both our families are very large, and very religious and our engagements are not the typical length of other peoples. I have 3 sisters and still have the same best friends from my childhood, which is why i have so many bridesmaids. And our parents are paying for the wedding. Nothing about what i said is abnormal atleast in the world i live in. The point that i was asking for help on was not to have my lifestyle picked apart. It was that i am frusterated because feelings seem to be different now then they have been over the past few years and i really just wanted to know if anyone else has gone through this, or knows someone that has.
@carriegirl1,
Well, all this stuff is pertinent though.
Random example:
If you have never lived independently, how do you feel about that? Does the thought of living on your own scare you? Are you about the age where many of your friends get married and that seemed like the logical next step out of your parents' house?
If so, perhaps you like the
idea of marriage more than you like this particular person you're about to get married to. If that's the case, it would make sense that you'd find him more annoying as the reality of living with him -- forever -- starts to sink in.
I'm not saying that's the case, I'm saying it's an example of how the circumstances can be very pertinent in terms of figuring out what's up with your feelings for your fiance.
alright thanks guys. yes i am still dealing with some things but i think i was in a particularly horrible mood when i found this website and posted this question, i do still need to figure a few things out but i dont need any more replies because they are actually upsetting me even though i know everyone is trying to help so..thanks! but ( since i cant delete) a topic lets just leave it alone. thanks again
@carriegirl1,
I'd leave it alone for you, but there is something left to say.
Nobody expects you to follow advice. You're going to make up your own mind, and we know it. Try to consider the whole thing to be what they used to call brainstorming. Get a hundred thoughts, and reject every single one, if that suits you. Then form your own opinion.
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