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correct words to use

 
 
Reply Thu 12 Mar, 2009 03:50 pm
I was struggling with a/some force that had possessed me. Desperate, my husband admitted/took me to the nearest hospital. On the way, I was struggling in pain as the muscles on my back contracted weirdly.

I think either 'a' or 'some' is ok.

I think it should be 'took' and not 'admitted.'.

I think 'weirdly' is not correct, but cannot think of a better word.

Thanks a lot.
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 1,323 • Replies: 4
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McTag
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Mar, 2009 05:34 pm
@tanguatlay,
correct
correct
"strangely" might do, but the whole piece is a bit odd.

The last sentence might be re-worked as "....I was in pain from strange contractions of the muscles in my back."
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oolongteasup
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Mar, 2009 08:35 pm
@tanguatlay,
how could you have been admitted if in the next sentence you were on the way
the muscles are in your back
in sentence 1 you repeat yourself i/me

you change tense in each sentence

you dont struggle with you struggle against

try active speech

as i struggled against an all possessing force, in desperation (zeugma bonus) my husband took me to the nearest hospital. i writhed in pain (inadvertent drollery in play onwards) with each contraction.
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Sat 14 Mar, 2009 11:51 am
@oolongteasup,
Your husband took you to the hospital. When you got there, a doctor assessed your condition. If he or she decided that you needed to say in hospital overnight, then you would be "admitted".
tanguatlay
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Mar, 2009 04:32 am
@contrex,
Many thanks to all of you.
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