Do the People You Work With Dislike You?

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I am a pretty likable person, I think at least. I work with offices in different cities, which is a challange in and of itself. And lately I've had a lot of things going on in my personal life that have unfortunatly affected my work. My boss and I have had the discussion about it and we're cool. I am working on getting back to my old self and getting my crap together. I made some bad choices and made some mistakes but I always owned up to them and tried to make things right.

However, now everyone in this one office treats me like crap. Our office functions differently from other offices. Not only do I do the work of 2-3 people (compared to the other offices who have 1 person in each position title) I am also not down the hall from the other people and have to email or call for everything so it takes longer to get things done. And our clientel is very different. Our dynamics are just different here and no one seems to get that. On top of it all, I was never formally trained on our system so as much as I'd like to say I know it all, I don't. And I've asked numerous times for this training. My boss has asked for it numerous times. And still, no training.

Normally, I don't care what other people think but it's hard when it is people you rely on every day. And it pisses me off because there are a few people I used to get along great with and now they just act like I am a piece of ****. Everyone makes mistakes and I've tried to rectify things with them but I guess I am not allowed to be anything other than the screw up they love to hate.

I know as long as they do their job and everything it shouldn't matter if they like me or not and I've expressed my concern to my boss before so he is aware. But it still bothers me. I don't like people to think something of me that just isn't right. They don't know the whole story and have judged me based on limited information.

I don't need advice or anything, just venting. It's just one of those days where I feel completely isolated and hated and I don't like it.

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That's a really unfortunate situation, BD. Sorry to hear you're in that environment. No, can't say I've ever been in your place but it's crucial for me to have a happy work environment so if I were, I'd probably quit. Well, there's no probably about it - I would quit.

Sometimes things are irredeemable and it's best to just move on.

There's a woman on another board who lived with what you're going through for a couple of years and she wrote about it all the time. It was agonizing for her. She eventually took other people's advice and transferred out and now she's much happier.

You're there half of your waking hours so you need to be happy. I hope it works out for you, whatever you decide to do.

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@Bella Dea,

That sucks. It's hard being on a distributed team as the communication lines are just too long. My team just got moved under a boss in Dallas, which I'm not too crazy about. But on the other hand, it will probably mean that he'll have to just leave us alone and let us do our work as he's too far away to micromanage.

I don't suppose you can give us some more details. Why would the people there be so mad at you for making mistakes? Did your mistakes harm them in some way?

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No, they didn't really affect them at all except that they had to help me fix some of them. Nothing major, no giant projects or anything. But they did have to help me learn something or re-learn something.

I've come to realize that they don't like people who don't know how to do something. The one chick, the most guilty one, makes it very obvious that while she'll help you, she's bothered by it and thinks your a complete ass.

I think it's more the frustration of working with someone who constantly gets it wrong, except I used to get it right and I am getting it right again. I just went though a bad phase. They knew me before this all happened but I guess refuse to forgive and get on with it. We're ok until I make a tiny mistake (like everyone else does), and then they are all over me. It's dumb.

The other problem here is that I don't always get all the information. We get left out sometimes on things and that's frustrating.

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@Bella Dea,

I am sorry to hear that Bella, and yes, you're a very likable person.
Perhaps you could buy some donuts/muffins for your co-workers as a good
will gesture and have a talk with them. Tell them that your a bit overwhelmed
with having a baby, moving to a new house, and apologize for any wrong doing.
Chances are, they'll come around and understand.

Most of us wear different hats every day and at times it can be frustrating and
overwhelming and one lashes out - unintentionally, but it does happen.
If you appeal to their compassion, they'll understand!

I know, you didn't ask for advice, but venting alone will probably not change
your working climate.

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

Well, that would work except they are in NY.

Maybe that's the problem. New Yorkers (no offense to anyone) are a different breed of folk. I think we just live differently.

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@Bella Dea,

A couple of things here...

If your job is a pain in the ass (you're doing the work of several people) then their jobs probably aren't cake either. Generally speaking, I think people who are crazy busy get more annoyed by having to help others. If she's not crazy busy then it just makes her feel better about herself that you messed up so she's holding onto it.

Have you tried the direct communication route? Like if she's using a tone of voice that says that you're an ass, say "I appreciate that you think that I'm an ass, but for the sake of working together can you pretend that you don't?"

What kind of work do you do again?

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@Bella Dea,

Well, you still can have pizza delivered to them with a note of thank you,
since they did help you to re-learn things. It's just a token of appreciation you'd
extend to them.

New Yorkers are indeed a bit rude and rough by nature, but they're also
a lovable bunch if you bait them Wink

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@Bella Dea,

Bella Dea wrote:

Well, that would work except they are in NY.

Maybe that's the problem. New Yorkers (no offense to anyone) are a different breed of folk. I think we just live differently.

Ooooh. I misunderstood. I thought it was the people in your office who were pissed at you and not the ones that are offsite. That changes things somewhat.

My sense is that there are always geographic rivalries. For instance, because of the history of my company, there have always been rivalries between Dallas and Atlanta. There is almost automatic animosity any time folks from both offices have to work together. We just don't like the way the other folks work and they don't like the way we work and we don't trust each other. Given that these folks are New Yorkers I think the direct approach will be particularly effective. Of course, it's harder when you're not face to face.

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We are hooked via AIM through work and I just sent her an im telling her for what it is worth, i'm sorry I've been a flake since getting back from maternity leave and I was working on it.

This is what I got back:
i know you are sorry and it does mean a lot that you said you were. i don't mean to be hard on you but with the way things are now we are all under a lot of pressure

So maybe you were right...direct approach worked. At least a little.

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@Bella Dea,

Oh good. Instant message helps a lot because it at least cuts back on the response lag that comes with email and phone tag. It sounds like everyone is just stressed right now and it will work itself out in time.

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@Bella Dea,

Good for you, Bella to have made the first step! The response is a good sign.

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@Bella Dea,

either she really is ok with my apology and explaination or she's just saying it because she's trying to be nice.
but she's not really that kind of person.
so maybe I am reading too much into it.
I don't know.
whatever.

I guess it didn't hurt anything, right?

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@Bella Dea,

Exactly. You apologized and opened the door. That's all you can do.

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@Bella Dea,

That last bit with the AIM messages sounds good.

On my own experience, I've only had trouble with one person in the same office. That got sort of fierce, in that we gave up talking to each other. Luckily we were peers and heads of different projects. It was all strange in that we had been friends and I'd been the one to tell her about the job and to promote her hiring a few years earlier. I used to get so pissed at her I'd have to go to the Ladies Room and stare at the mirror and calm down before I said something that fueled the fire. I don't now remember any details of why she was such a brat with me or why I was angry other than re her snotty behavior, but I'm sure there was more to it. I was fine with the other six people in the room, so it wasn't a complete horror zone.

What happened after that was she was suddenly fired, for an entirely different situation. Then... maybe a month later, she called me and asked me out to lunch. At lunch, said she was sorry, and so on. She'd been living in a world of aggravation and pressure. We've been friends ever since, fifteen years now; although not world's best buddies, I see her for coffee when I go to LA. In fact I should call her one of these days...

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@Bella Dea,

Sometimes you have to apologize more than once, too, to convince people you really mean it. Looks like you handled it well.

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@sozobe,

If there's any way at all to get face time (e. g. a short trip there for some pretext or another), do it. Let these people meet you in person and you'll be a lot harder for them to brush off via telephone, etc.

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Do the People You Work With Dislike You?

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