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How to talk to a girl

 
 
Reply Mon 9 Mar, 2009 07:24 am
Hi, I know I girl that I really like, and I want to talk to her. The problem is that I'm really shy and have no confidence to start a conversation with her. What could I do to improve my confidence and start talking to her, and which topics should I talk? Because I have a feeling that when I start talking to her, I wont have a lot of things to talk about for so long too...
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Type: Question • Score: 8 • Views: 2,732 • Replies: 13

 
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Mon 9 Mar, 2009 07:26 am
@fadingaway,
Don't worry so much about entertaining her -- you don't have to launch into a monologue. Ask questions, instead.

Where do you see her? How do you know her? Start with a generic comment, then ask something innocuous, and then listen. Pay attention to what she's saying and engage her.
djjd62
 
  3  
Reply Mon 9 Mar, 2009 07:40 am
@sozobe,
sozobe wrote:
Pay attention to what she's saying and engage her.


maybe they should date a bit before getting engaged Razz
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Mon 9 Mar, 2009 07:49 am
@djjd62,
Such a clever clogs...
0 Replies
 
Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Mar, 2009 02:39 pm
@fadingaway,
fadingaway wrote:

Hi, I know I girl that I really like, and I want to talk to her. The problem is that I'm really shy and have no confidence to start a conversation with her. What could I do to improve my confidence and start talking to her, and which topics should I talk? Because I have a feeling that when I start talking to her, I wont have a lot of things to talk about for so long too...


You sound like my son. He's shy too. He's going on 26 and hasn't made the effort to "engage." I'm going to put an ad in the paper and find him a wife. I can't wait forever to be a grandmother. So. Unless you want your mother interfering, I suggest you ignore your nerves and just strike up a conversation. The sooner the better.
Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Mar, 2009 02:39 pm
@sozobe,
sozobe wrote:

Don't worry so much about entertaining her -- you don't have to launch into a monologue. Ask questions, instead.

Where do you see her? How do you know her? Start with a generic comment, then ask something innocuous, and then listen. Pay attention to what she's saying and engage her.


I vote for sozobe's advice!
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Mon 9 Mar, 2009 02:45 pm
Soz' listening advice is the best . . . in all situations, not simply boy-girl situations, people seem to find the good listener to be the best companion . . .
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Tue 10 Mar, 2009 02:00 am
I disagree.

Natural conversation between two people who know each other involves a balance of questions and statements. That said, people who know how to listen can steer conversations very well (unfortunately there's little point telling a person to listen who doesn't know how to). People start letting their guard down when 'they know you're truly interested' and when 'they know who you are' (or start finding out who you are) and 'when they see you are human too' (the best way to do this is to reveal a vulnerable side to yourself...something small - not a BIG vulnerability)

The 'quickest' way to gain self confidence (if a shallow one) is through NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). Best book I've found on the subject is 'NLP : the new Technology of achievement' (or something like that). I don't know if it's a permanent thing or not - my guess is, like hypnosis (to which is it loosely related but not truly alike) it works better for some people than others.

Another quick way to achieve confidence is to learn to act confident (95% of guys go down this route in teenage to early 20's...and many guys with low self esteem are successful with girls because they learn to act confident). Usually that's all it ever is - an Act, so I don't recommend it long term. Ways to learn include just going out there and doing it, watching movies with alpha males (eg Top Gun) and mimmicking their body language when they speak, etc.

The true way to confidence involves finding out who you are, and being true to yourself. It involves learning and understanding the value of who you are as an individul, which has the benefit of helping you understand the value of others (rather than under/overinflating their value).

For enrichment purposes it can include things like (pick one or two, or make up your own) : Learning to tell stories (this is actually, quite important) about yourself and life, being friendly, having a hobby or hobbies, doing volunteer work, learning a new language, getting fit (a very good way to gain confidence).

To overcome shyness, you could do any number of classes that girls attend - aerobics, yoga, reading, whatever classes girls like to do en masse...with the simple aim of having conversations with girls.

Confidence by the way, isn't truly general - it's more context specific (eg you can be a whiz on computers, and still have no confidence with the girls, and be moderately comfortable banterring with guys...etc)
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2009 09:21 am
@Debra Law,
Let me know how the ad works out Debra. I've got a 22 year old son who is the same way. Shy as shy can be. Of course, he has the disadvantage of being the son of a clown, so that might be the problem.
OGIONIK
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Mar, 2009 05:11 am
@CoastalRat,
heres some tips from a friendly neighborhood pimp.
(just kidding)

but really, heres some tips.

if you dont have money that sucks, get a job "or" be really un-shy and confident and just good at getting girls. :/

well ill list a mighty few tips..

-go to a mall, and look at every girl that catches your eye, in the eye, until they look away. dont be a psycho about it, casually gaze. ups your confidence. dont stare, gaze. casually.

-dont look at their body or lick your lips when u have eye contact. i used to always lick my lips its very very bad.
sends the wrong impression.

-talk to girls, school, college, the park, your clique, whatever. or go somewhere and talk to them..
(library, comic book store, gym?)

- talk to more girls, and talk to more and more and MORE AND MORE!

if you dont get the girl you want, shrug it off, dont beg, dont be desperate.

confidence is key.


i had a job at a theme park, and i remember the first time i got a number from a random girl. like "hi..whats your name" "blah blah blah" "you look cute, can i get your number? maybe we can go to starbucks, or somethin"

thats pretty much my line every time, i keep it simple. roflmfao.

i would just talk, keep it short, i didnt want any awkward silences.

hang out like once a week, if somethin happened, it happened.

you cant go into it thinking about sex though. you'll fail. i got it easy cuz my favorite parts are kissing and cuddling Very Happy
0 Replies
 
Daaaaanielle
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Mar, 2009 06:44 am
@Debra Law,
OMG, why??? Cant he think for himself. Thats really selfish, to do that because YOU want grandchildren... Thank god mom's in Holland don`t do that... hahaha
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Mar, 2009 07:06 am
@vikorr,
vikorr wrote:
The 'quickest' way to gain self confidence (if a shallow one) is through NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).
Vikorr might be onto something. Tell all your male friends that girls really get hot for neuro-linguistic programming, stand back for a while, then tell her she has nice hair.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Mar, 2009 04:22 pm
@Steve 41oo,
NLP is a well established school of psychology, that has been around since the early 70's. As for making girls hot - there is actually a technique called 'speedseduction' that uses the principles of NLP to pick up/seduce women. Can't vouch for it myself, but there seems to be a whole community dedicated to it. But I was talking about using it simply for building confidence Smile
OGIONIK
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Mar, 2009 11:15 pm
@vikorr,
am interested in t his nlp

i probably wont use it in seduction but still
0 Replies
 
 

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