Why am I such a lousy husband?

Indeed. My mom divorced my dad just before I reached adolescence, and after that I was raised by her, by a female foster parent, by my aunt, and by my grandmother. All women. My mother used to take great offense when I was with her in the car and we drove by a beautiful woman and I would turn around to check out her ass. She thought that was very crude. You would think that a guy raised by women would be sensitive to women's needs. Quite the contrary. I'm possibly the most insensitive and least romantic man I know of. Not because I want to be. But just because I am.

Being raised by women messed you up, it is not your fault. It is never too late, most guys don't get a handle on thus **** till they hit their forties.

What makes you assume that some sexy woman on the street needs to be kept away from? A lot of women like to be admired, to be wanted, like a guy who has the balls to stake a claim for what he wants. You confuse what women say they want with what they want. It may be that being mixed-up caused you to pick a woman who is not good for you, I don't know. She will not respond well to being able to control you if she has a feminine nature though. You need to get off of being concerned that you are not giving her what she wants, concentrate on making your relationship better by staying true to yourself and also giving her what she responds well to. If you are not the sensitive caring type then don't try to pretend that you are, as that will have a 100% chance of not working for you.

No guy, raised by women, and not allowed to be a guy, can be sensitive to a womans needs...because what they say they want, and what they truly want, are rarely the same thing....it's not exactly deception on their part - they just want a strong, loving man - and it's best to look at what they say vs what they want, as a form of continual testing...even after you are married.

Your mother didn't want you checking out a womans ass? Tell me, what woman doesn't want to be wanted, doesn't want to feel beautiful, doesn't want to feel sexy...like her husband really wants her? What womans just wants to be...unattractive, unsexy, ugly ? Why do women fall for bad boys who 'appreciates beauty no matter what women say'? The sex drive that allows you to be attracted to your wife is NOT discriminatory...it doesn't comprehend 'finding only one woman attractive'...it is simply attracted to the beautiful feminine form and the need to have sex...it is the fact that you have this drive and yet find your wife the most beautiful, the most worthy, the sexiest...it is that fact that pleases her.

Basically, at the most important stage in your life (growing into manhood) you had no male role model on what it means to be masculine.

Trust me, read those two books - you'll be blown away. There's a strong individual man under there for sure - you just haven't found him yet...when you do (that's not an if, because with a little help, every male can find themself), life will suddenly take a turn, much for the better for you.

What the heck! I was a lousy husband, too. My first wife and I are great exes, though. Win some, lose some.

My guy of 19 years and counting is not Mr. Romantic Gestures. He once said I looked like a poodle and thought he was paying me a compliment. He rarely, if ever compliments me on my appearance again after that fiasco. But he did not criticize me when I went through a bad time in my life and gained a lot of weight.

It's not the right words and flowers that proves love, IMO. My guy does things like filling my car with gas and then washing the car; or surprising me with a super-thin crepe spatula because I uttered the desire for one. Or making me homemade chocolate ice cream, because he knows I am a chocolate fiend. I find the every day gestures like this far more meaningful than staged romance, to be honest.

For once I agree wholeheartedly with ebrown.
You're sounding like a radio program victim there, rydinearth.

Oh, wait, and vikorr. 2 for the price of 1!

Hi Osso,

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I've been giving out the same advice (often from different angles) for quite some time now. That other post is a more comprehensive explanation.

I missed all this "raised by women" thing. Sounds rather like being raised by bears. Also, a tad generalizing,

Don't be so hard on yourself Osso!You have agreed with me before.

Nicely stated, sbarr10. I think a lot of women would agree with this.

Actually, it's not a tad generalising - it's very much generalising. You did notice that from limited knowledge of his circumstances, I was able to guess more specific circumstances that he had gone through (by generalising)?

Generalisations are just that - generalisations....which is the general range of experience, but by no means the complete range.

As for the bears comment, cuddly bears? My point was - In the abscence of male role models, they are missing role models for what it means to be masculine. What they have in place, is a program for what women (the women in their lives) think men should be like. Do you think that 'generalisation' is wrong?

If so, how did I guess that was the case?