Accosted by Disturbed Religious Zealot

Please tell me her (the housekeeper's) name is Pauline? Even if it isn't.

Ha!

Why?

Do you have a Pauline who fits the bill?

And if so, how do/did you handle her?

Hi, boomerang.

I think my mom is a Christian. She is thinking about attending a church here.

When I was younger, I went through my own Bible-thumping phase, and Mom just hated it.

I'm sure I have Maria's behavior coming to me for the "sins of my own Bible-thumping past"!

Mom would never do that though, she wouldn't try to convert anyone.

Thanks for asking.

I don't know if Maria tried to push religion on Mom. I doubt it.

Maria and I are nearer the same age, so that may be why she feels more comfortable making me miserable than Mom.

I think instead of being forceful with the "Back off, Maria!" statement, I could use a lilting, loving tone of voice and say the same thing. And just repeat it until she shuts up and again if she starts back up.

I've heard that in being assertive using a short phrase a sticking to it and talking over the other person if necessary is usually pretty effective. I could also walk away from her as I said it, OR walk toward her if she is blocking my way, which would make her back up and then I could gently close the door on her face, smiling, calmly, lovingly, etc.

I had a employee who always wanted to share his "testimony" with me. I found that arguing or otherwise engaging him just made things worse.

Saying "Uhhhh.... thanks for sharing" just after he got started and walking away kept things civil. They're looking for a debate so that they will have the opportunity to convince you -- they don't think convincing you will be hard because they were convinced.

Is your mom in poor health? Sometimes religion appeals people when they get older or sick. Is you mom thinking of attending "Maria's" church or a different church?

How did your mom handle it with you when you went through your bible beating? Maybe your mom deals with Maria in the same way.

I hate to be so cynical but does your mom have money? If so, be very sure that Maria is not taking advantage of her, especially if your mom is considering the same church.

I don't know, having money is relative. She has more than Maria, that's for sure. Mom's tight and cautious with her money. And would never attend Maria's type of church. Not even close. Mom's considering a more traditional Baptist Church here in town. Maria's is the charismatic speaking-in-tongues, prophesying pew-stomping kind.

Bark Oinkbama wants to make a serf out of you.

speaking of being accosted by a disturbed zealot

Mom was pretty confrontational with me.

I never did try to convert my own mother. I knew she believed in God, just didn't attend church or live by those principles at that time in her life. Mom on the other hand did try to convert my father, who was Jewish. I never tried to convert either one of them and loved the Jewishness of my step-father, although he rarely attended services, either.

We were born and christened Catholic (biological father), her family was Baptist, we went to an Episcopalian private school, my step-father was Jewish, I minored in anthropology and came to some other conclusions about religions ...

Mom's not in poor health at this point. I'm hopeful that I can help her health improve with a better diet and some walking.

I've done a lot since I've been here, organizing and cleaning. It's been a lot of work, but her art room is set up again, and I hope she starts to paint again soon.

She lost her husband five years ago and hasn't really been herself since. I'm hoping to change that, given time.

We are actually getting along just fine and I have seen some small improvement. We are both, frankly, fairly joyful and have even been caught lifting our voices in song as we sweep through the house doing this or that. I never would have believed it, but we are getting along really great as a matter of fact.

She even let me give her a massage. She'll need some of that before she starts taking walks with me.

She cooks, I clean. We meet at night for a snack and I have plenty of time to work, play my piano, study musical composition, walk, do yoga, ride my bike, and other things to make her happy.

We plan to put in a vegetable and/or herb garden and go to some local events.

She's asked me to come here for years now, and this time I said yes. Here I am, and it's really pretty terrific.

I am in a culture shock, but the library needs volunteers and I've been invited to go to the music club, and there is a fine arts association and a chamber of commerce.

I don't know just how involved I need or want to be in this community, but there is a small place for me.

I go back to Austin frequently to see friends and attend events there. My instructor is there.

ha!

If you're living in a house where the owner places your happiness and comfort below that of her employee, then the root of the problem is not the housekeeper.

Your mother either doesn't believe you when you tell her how much you are harmed by the housekeeper's actions, or your mother wants you to be exposed to her evangelism. You will probably just have to endure the situation until you can move out.

I suggest not talking to the housekeeper at all. Just walk away any time she starts on you. Get a lock for your bedroom door and get some noise canceling headphones and maybe look for another place to live.

Welcome to east Texas. He he. Sorry about your troubles. The way I handle these nuts is, I fend off their efforts without ever telling them I am an atheist. Most are easy to brush off that way. But I would not put up with this housekeeper. I would set some definite boundaries in the house and I would tell her to can it. If I had to start shouting in her face, things like "Shut up" and "Get out" I would. I once had a boss who pushed her fundamentalism on the whole staff. I finally had enough and countered her pronouncements when they were particularly offensive. She saw me as a burr under the saddle, but I outlasted her. She is long gone and I am still on the job. Currently, there is just one such nutjob speaking to me, but I let her rant about how the world should end shortly and the rapture is on us virtually. I don't have to share the confines of my home with her.

* I'm in southeast Texas

When Maria starts to "bug" you, simply say, "Shouldn't you be working, instead of engaging me in conversation?", and walk away.

If you think about it, she is being paid to clean the house, not talk. She is not doing her job, whether she is shooting the breeze or forcing her religion on you.

Thanks, edgarblythe.

So it's bad in southeast Texas, too?

Yep, that'd work. Thanks!

If she is as disturbed and wacky as you say, there is nothing you can do that will "enlighten" her.
Do not be friendly, don't be kind, don't engage her.
I like the suggestion of locking up your area and leaving when she is there. Or holing yourself up. Look at it as a day off for you.
Just say no.
It is okay to not be polite or nice to someone that doesn't respect boundaries. If they aren't "balanced" enough to understand then not interacting with them is the best course of action in my opinion.
You have absolutely no reason to have anything to do with her. Your Mother hired her, let her talk to her.

Thanks for your response.

It's really not my mother's issue. It's mine.

I'm not harmed all that much, and even if I were, it's for me to deal with, not Mom.

Moving because someone invades my space twice a month is really bit drastic in this situation. I'm strong enough to endure a little bit of grief. Goodness knows!

Nothing's perfect, after all.

Thanks! Great ideas!

Bad in southeast Texas, too?
When I tried to discuss religion and politics with someone, the person defended her and her husband's views by saying, "We are Texans -"
I responded, "I am a Texan, too."
"You spent too much time in California."
I forgot to mention to her that her husband was from Illinois, not Texas.

This is typical, in this place.

I sense the differences twixt men and women on this one dupre. You must yield to your authoritarian side and lay down the law with MAria . It seems that the men respondents herein are of one voice and the women are more interested in propriety. Trust me, propriety wont rule this one and youll just drive yourself nuts until you face it head on . (I wish I could find that old pic of the differences between men and women as shown in some electronic gizmos)

Give her the old soup bone.